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Idk, I think everyone is a bit too interested in themselves. I think when it comes down to it, we just have to be ourselves because there are so many different factors that make up "connecting" with people. I think the main attitude should be to be kind towards people and the rest is kind of second place...

Me, personally, I've been ignored on so many different social occasions that I'm finding it pointless to be anything else but myself, so screw it. I suppose if I really want something then all I can do is try my best and that is all that I could ask for. I think it may be impossible to fit everyone’s needs so screw them…
 

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Hmm. So last night at my group course we did responsible confrontation with active listening, and it turns out that:

1. I make others feel inferior, because I intellectualise too much, use too many big words in speech, and the way that I do it....has that effect.

The person who gave this feedback is kind and caring. It's also an effect I had on people at school and generally any course I'm on, although I thought I'd stopped doing it, so I had no idea. She wished that I would just speak "as a person" more and in a more simple relatable way. This is important feedback. I am sorry I made her feel less than.

She also wondered if it's part of what gets in the way of my connecting with people. And yes, I had feedback from friends long ago that i had that effect, even in primary school. Friends that I lost....

> What's this about?

I don't like being like this and wish I could understand what drives it and how to root it out.
It could be largely the way you are wired: your innate cognitive style. You seem to be an analyser and systemiser. This is more common in males, so people might attribute incorrect motives to you doing this. The woman's feedback reminds me of complaints made about many males.

I think that if their egos are too fragile to deal with it, that is largely their problem. However, you could ask for feedback on the way you do it; she seems vague on this point.

> Have you ever been on the receiving end of this?
Yes. I enjoy it because it's the main way I can connect with and understand people. Without an analytical component to a conversation, I lose interest.

> Or do you do it to others?
I barely speak to anyone. The only person I converse with is my friend, whom I do it to, but who is extremely easy-going about my quirks. I prefer to remain very quiet in general and not share my thoughts.
 

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It could be largely the way you are wired: your innate cognitive style. You seem to be an analyser and systemiser. This is more common in males, so people might attribute incorrect motives to you doing this. The woman's feedback reminds me of complaints made about many males.

I think that if their egos are too fragile to deal with it, that is largely their problem. However, you could ask for feedback on the way you do it; she seems vague on this point.

Yes. I enjoy it because it's the main way I can connect with and understand people. Without an analytical component to a conversation, I lose interest.

I barely speak to anyone. The only person I converse with is my friend, whom I do it to, but who is extremely easy-going about my quirks. I prefer to remain very quiet in general and not share my thoughts.
No, she wasn't really vague. It's not the analysing per se, it's the fact that the way I do it somehow comes across that I think I'm superior, which is not entirely untrue, though of course unfounded and lodged in insecurity. That is unfortunate indeed, and I'm not proud of it.

It was fair and accurate feedback.

I am a systems thinker and process-oriented. That is no excuse for coming across as arrogant. Someone else also feels that I control the group every session, and she's not the only one.

I'm really not quite sure how I achieve this but I do dominate and I'm always the first to speak, and then not just once. Others feel it doesn't give them a voice. But that is another point.

Thanks for the vote of confidence but this is fair comment and I really need to change it.

Honest feedback delivered with good intent is precious, and I intend to run with it.
 

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No, she wasn't really vague. It's not the analysing per se, it's the fact that the way I do it somehow comes across that I think I'm superior, which is not entirely untrue, though of course unfounded and lodged in insecurity.
What more did she mention about how it comes across (e.g., voice tone and volume, and communication pragmatics)? You use the word somehow, which is vague.

I am a systems thinker and process-oriented. That is no excuse for coming across as arrogant. Someone else also feels that I control the group every session, and she's not the only one.
You did not link domination/control of the group to your intellectualisation in your OP. Is it difficult to separate the two due to their interaction?
 
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