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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been working at this job for 6 years now, I wouldn't say that I'm happy there but I guess I would say comfortable. A little while ago my boss approached me to find out exactly how long (we'll call him John) has been working there, and I told him it was 3 months and 1 week (probationary period is 3 months). He then tells me that John was just in his office and he thinks he might have some "anxiety issues" because he lost his cool a little bit during their conversation, he then makes a comment like "he should be on meds or something". He then made a comment about how it's a shame we only find these things out AFTER the probationary period is over, so it's not like we can fire him now.

Less than a month later John ended up quitting his job after "losing his cool" a couple more times (I don't know the exact details of these incidents but from what I can gather he seems to have raised his voice a couple times).

Now that he's gone everyone seems to be talking about him like he was some sort of nutcase off his meds and they all keep making jokes about his "anxiety problems" in front of me.

Now, I rarely worked with John but before all this started happening everyone had nothing but good things to say about him and got along with him great, and the few times I have worked with him I thought he was a good worker. But like I said, I don't know the exact details of these "incidents" so it's all a little confusing.

I guess it was just an awkward situation to be in, seeing as how I've been able to keep my SA secret for so long, and being able to see the way people might react to it behind my back if they found out. I guess it just makes me feel like maybe my "irrational fears" aren't all that irrational after all, people really can be that judgemental and ignorant. I spend so much energy trying to convince myself that they're not but then they go and prove me right and I'm just left feeling so alone.
 

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Person of Interest
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I don't even know what I would do in a situation like that, and it's understandable why you wouldn't want to draw any attention to yourself. It just makes me sad when people are like that, most people misunderstand mental disorders and they have a great stigma attached to them. So many of these people have trouble finding work.

I feel like when people complain like that, it's directed at me, though.
 

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absurdinista
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People can be gossipy and stupid, especially when something dramatic happens like a person getting fired. Honestly, you shouldn't take it personally. The people who get most invested in gossiping about someone, especially in a harsh and negative tone, are idiots.

These people I was hanging out with recently showed me a video one of them had recorded on their phone of an employee freaking out a bit and yelling (one of my friends manages the place, so this was in her office). They think he has aspergers, and I think they might be onto something, but I didn't care for the fact that they recorded this and are sharing it with people. I'm proud to say I did the right thing, and told them that they should be nice and patient with him, instead of joining in on the laughter. Unfortunately, this makes me a buzzkill, and thus probably didn't make them like me any more, but f--- them if they don't like it, lol. I am weirdly super defensive against bullies as an adult, so long as the abuse is directed at someone else. I just have no ability to stand up for myself :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Well that's kind of how I'm feeling, like all this also directed at me. Every time they make a joke or comment about him they're making it about me too, they just might not realize it.

I'm feeling a little guilty for not speaking up on this poor guy's behalf, but then I feel like that would just be like putting the bullseye on my own back. I just know that if I was in his shoes I would appreciate someone speaking up for me.
 

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i think u should have stood up for them, because u know what its like, u can explain to them why its not fair to do that i mean how fair is it that quieter ppl can get made fun of or picked on , but the loud and obnoxious ppl that are annoying can get away with it?
 

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Person of Interest
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i think u should have stood up for them, because u know what its like, u can explain to them why its not fair to do that i mean how fair is it that quieter ppl can get made fun of or picked on , but the loud and obnoxious ppl that are annoying can get away with it?
Maybe that would have been good, but I feel like if I were in that situation, I would be too afraid to say anything. If you call out someone for being wrong or offensive, they might not listen and attack you instead. I think it's possible for someone to purposely try to find an excuse to fire someone, for a reason unrelated to their work, and get away with it. I know they have laws to protect people from discrimination like that, but I wouldn't know if I could trust them.
 

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At my work, people losing their cool is normal. One guy would yell at anyone if they borrowed his stuff without asking but he'd borrow or even steal other people's stuff and if they mentioned it to him he'd get angry. My boss and this other guy were shouting at the top of their lungs at each other and swearing and throwing things around. When things like this happen we all just watch and think it's funny. We don't start thinking they have "anxiety problems" or need to go on meds.

This is how people are. When they get along they have nice things to say. As soon as a person loses their cool other people's thoughts change about them.
 

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Jesus

This rings a lot of bells

I've been at my job 8 months and I already cant list how many times I've listened to them all talk in the office about someone else (usually in a negative way) when they are practically describing me and I'm sure they know they are...

Theres been a few anxiety related conversations, with them not understanding how "so and so" can be scared of driving..or scared of using the phone or "how the hell they function in life with panic attacks" and how they would hate to live like that. (You know, basically listing all my issues)

Theres been talk of the one of the staffs daughters whos been getting close to this guy whos.."weird" because hes quiet and geeky and doesnt like going out and again, they cant understand how anyone can be like that and how awkward he must be not speaking much and preferring to keep himself to himself (hello its me again)

Theres also been another member of staffs brother whos early 30's, living with his parents, never goes out, doesnt have a girlfriend, just stays in playing video games..cue all the girls in the office mocking him thinking "wow what a catch he is" and giggling about it. (Oh wow its practically me again :um)

Theres more...less hurtful things, slagging facial hair off, not understanding why any guy wants a beard and how its horrible...while I sit there with my beard...(I'm surrounded by women theres no other men in the office usually)

The anxiety related comments offend me the most but really, I have this **** day in day out :um
 

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Jesus

This rings a lot of bells

I've been at my job 8 months and I already cant list how many times I've listened to them all talk in the office about someone else (usually in a negative way) when they are practically describing me and I'm sure they know they are...

Theres been a few anxiety related conversations, with them not understanding how "so and so" can be scared of driving..or scared of using the phone or "how the hell they function in life with panic attacks" and how they would hate to live like that. (You know, basically listing all my issues)

Theres been talk of the one of the staffs daughters whos been getting close to this guy whos.."weird" because hes quiet and geeky and doesnt like going out and again, they cant understand how anyone can be like that and how awkward he must be not speaking much and preferring to keep himself to himself (hello its me again)

Theres also been another member of staffs brother whos early 30's, living with his parents, never goes out, doesnt have a girlfriend, just stays in playing video games..cue all the girls in the office mocking him thinking "wow what a catch he is" and giggling about it. (Oh wow its practically me again :um)

Theres more...less hurtful things, slagging facial hair off, not understanding why any guy wants a beard and how its horrible...while I sit there with my beard...(I'm surrounded by women theres no other men in the office usually)

The anxiety related comments offend me the most but really, I have this **** day in day out :um
Reminds me of when I was in high school and girls would start resenting me and begin making fun of me and talking amongst themselves and giggling and laughing about me all because I was too shy to speak to them. If I had women talking **** about me at work I'd rip right into them or just start making fun of them like asking if their boyfriends has four legs and a tail and goes woof woof.
 

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Big Nerd
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Someone sitting at my table in school told me he thought people with anxiety are pathetic.

I told him to choke on his own d*** and die then I moved tables.
 

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Haha, this is why I keep mine a secret as well. There's this other girl at school who has social anxiety as well and everyone is always so nice to her face yet once she leaves, I'm at a *****fest and she's the main attraction. I just kind of sit there awkwardly but I do say stuff every now and again like "Come on guys, you don't know what she's been through" or similar depending on who I'm with. I guess it really doesn't stop after high school? Hmm...

Someone sitting at my table in school told me he thought people with anxiety are pathetic.

I told him to choke on his own d*** and die then I moved tables.
HAHHAHA! LEGEND!
 

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Your boss sounds like my teacher.

My teacher told my parents and all the other teachers that I have "anxiety issues".
Not sure how he managed to know it, I thought I am quite good at hiding my social anxiety.

Oh, and I have been asked by another teacher whether I have any illness.
I denied and said no.
 

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Haha, this is why I keep mine a secret as well. There's this other girl at school who has social anxiety as well and everyone is always so nice to her face yet once she leaves, I'm at a *****fest and she's the main attraction. I just kind of sit there awkwardly but I do say stuff every now and again like "Come on guys, you don't know what she's been through" or similar depending on who I'm with. I guess it really doesn't stop after high school? Hmm...

HAHHAHA! LEGEND!
I made the mistake of telling someone about my sa and how it affected my life. I asked him if he told anyone what I've been telling him and he said he was friendly. In hindsight he obviously was talking behind my back about me.
 

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It seems like the only reason us SAers were put on this earth was so other normal people could make fun of us at our expense..
 

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Dubstepper
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Yeah I've noticed how this happens in a lot of public settings. It's because when someone finds some flaw in someone they exaggerate it to make the person seem so much worse than the person making fun of them, making the person who started it 'appear' better, at least in their own eyes. People tend to do this when they have nothing else to talk about or to keep themselves socially 'ahead'.

The only time I would make fun of someone and talk behind their back would be if they are someone who mistreats a lot of people, like a boss that talks down to workers, etc. things like that that DESERVE to be made fun of.
 

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Happens to me every single time I turn in work

People just stare because my posture and looks just scream anxiety. I've even had fellow members of staff comment on the way I never speak to people in work but they don't exactly speak to me so I don't see why it should be down to me to make the first move all the time.
 
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