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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Get ready for a long post......

Theres a girl i knew in middle/early high school. Not really friends, kinda coexisted at my aunts because thats where we had been babysat, and technically didnt live in that town but went to school there. We were both shy/quiet, and we got along really good when nobody was around---but as soon as someone showed up, we (mostly I) clammed up. Mostly because my brother/cousins who lived there considered anyone not family/prior friend=outcast.

Then in high school we both stopped going to my aunts house and didnt say a word to each other for 5-6 yrs. Then we run into each other again and....she has changed. In her words, shes just more outgoing/better with new people, not as shy and quiet. I am, but iv been hiding it, not even suggesting i ever was shy and quiet and am trying to act like im completely normal. She still seems to be lacking in the friends department, ofc she has guy friends because she got hot, but she still doesnt seem to have much going on daily.

Onto the problem: Does she like me? When we started talking in person, i thought so. I was drunk, but some stuff she said, made me think so, and i got her number so i thought i at least had a chance. Over the last few weeks, we have talked a bit, i always initiate the conversation. Here is where its confusing. I try to ask her out, and she rejects it every time, tho to be fair 2 of the 3 times were definately legit excuses. So she doesnt like me....but.... everytime i call/text she appears to make the effort to keep the convo going-it could have easily ended at my last text, but she kept it going. So far, i havent gotten the last word in. She always gets that last text, even when my text really didnt leave much room for comment.

So one half of me says: Shes not interest in you in any capacity, and trying to spare your feelings.
the other: She is still shy/quiet like me, and is nervous(like i am) about what the people we both know would say if we started dating. In fact some people we both know have mentioned to me that they "always thought we made a cute couple." And i still dont want to deal with people saying that after we were together. Very embarrassing.

So what does SAS think? keep asking her out till i get a yes or a F off, or cut my loses and move on?
 

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Depends on which you think would be worse: to be rejected without hope of ever being with her, or to continue torturing yourself with maybes for the rest of your life.

If you think the torture would be worse, you should ask her honestly, but not confrontationally, what's up. Something like, you want to be friends either way, but you would also like to try going out, no pressure, and you don't want to keep putting her in an awkward position if she's just not interested. (Not that you are bothering her. Just a more polite way of putting it than, Why won't you give me a straight answer?!) Emphasize that whatever she says is OK.
 

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What are you asking her when you're 'asking her out'? To the movies or a meal or something? Maybe her shyness has her worried about doing anything too formal (which I certainly get), maybe try keeping it casual and asking if she want's to 'hang out' next time you're shopping, theres less pressure that way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Na, nothing formal. Just like lunch/coffee. I tried the shopping thing too. Having had sometime to think, i realized im better off not pushing for a date, and just talk to her kinda like an old friend deal. Technically, I dont really know anything about her. And really, never did. So im getting worked up over nothing. Ill just see what direction it naturally floats. We have some mutual connections so we may run into eachother soon.

Besides, if the assumption that we were the same way is true, what would she want to do with somebody who hasnt improved? She improved her looks vastly. I have somewhat, but ive only just started working out so im still skinny, and havent really found a style that fits me. Socially, she definately is much better than me. I can see that just talking to her a few times. So im kinda thinkin we are just in different places in our lives and it wouldnt work anyway.
 

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if she's shy, she might be turning you down because of what you're asking her to do with you. i don't think you should give up, but switch it up a bit. if she's like me, she would turn you down for lunch because of the problem of eating in front of a guy. maybe you could invite her to go ice skating or go to a concert or a movie. or, like reify said, ask her what's up, and make sure she knows there's no pressure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
if she's shy, she might be turning you down because of what you're asking her to do with you. i don't think you should give up, but switch it up a bit. if she's like me, she would turn you down for lunch because of the problem of eating in front of a guy. maybe you could invite her to go ice skating or go to a concert or a movie. or, like reify said, ask her what's up, and make sure she knows there's no pressure.
Interesting. I guess i really dont understand people at all. Not trying to offend you, but to me that kinda sounds backwards. I wouldnt wanna do ice skating, because if i was nervous(as i know i would be) id be afraid of falling or something. Concert is kinda scary too, LOTS of people in close proximity. Tho i could understand how these would be good if you do those sort of things frequently on your own. Whereas lunch/coffee would be easy, we live in a small town so its not gonna be packed, and the length of the date would be determined by how well we were getting along. Whereas with concert, id feel like i have to stay for the whole thing, or ice skate for a little while atleast.

The only problem i have with movies is the limited chance to talk. Also, along the no pressure thing, i think movie sounds more like date, and grabbing lunch more like a, hey havent seen you in a while wanna catch up kinda thing. Or i could be wrong, i am on this site because im not good with people......
 

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Interesting. I guess i really dont understand people at all. Not trying to offend you, but to me that kinda sounds backwards. I wouldnt wanna do ice skating, because if i was nervous(as i know i would be) id be afraid of falling or something. Concert is kinda scary too, LOTS of people in close proximity. Tho i could understand how these would be good if you do those sort of things frequently on your own. Whereas lunch/coffee would be easy, we live in a small town so its not gonna be packed, and the length of the date would be determined by how well we were getting along. Whereas with concert, id feel like i have to stay for the whole thing, or ice skate for a little while atleast.

The only problem i have with movies is the limited chance to talk. Also, along the no pressure thing, i think movie sounds more like date, and grabbing lunch more like a, hey havent seen you in a while wanna catch up kinda thing. Or i could be wrong, i am on this site because im not good with people......
nono what you're saying makes sense. but i guess the fact that my response confused you just proves that there are lots of really different people, and if you don't know her that well you should try a few different suggestions and see what she likes. and yeah, you're right the movie thing does sound more like a date; good point.
 
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