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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there, I have a question for you all, if any of you can relate to my current status on overcoming the curse of social anxiety, I'd like to hear your opinion, if not, I'd like to hear your opinion as well, any advice would be appreciated.

Well, I've been having SA for the past 5 or so years, it slowly developed and kept developing to the point where I would literally not come out of my house, lost all my friends, etc... something that nowadays I look back at and just laugh. So, about a year and 3 months ago, I moved to a different country, thinking that the anxiety was due to the place I was living at, not myself (a close aunt told me it wasn't the location but me who had to change, I of course didn't listen).

It took half a year of mixed emotions, depression and bad anxiety to pull myself out of a very unhealthy state of mind, I realized there was absolutely no reason for me to think about all these thoughts of judgement from people and that it didn't really matter, everything started looking and sounding different, it was like a new world I was discovering again from a completely different perspective. Specifically, I started throwing myself in conversations, asking things or maybe tossing a bit of a joke here and there. Now, I had done this before, and many times, but what I hadn't done was to say things immediatly after the words shape in your mind, basically just spitting out anything I was thinking, without worrying about what anyone would think, and this helped me make friends, have a good time at parties, actually start conversations with random people, etc. Every time I'd feel anxious or depressed, I'd tell myself to stop the negative thoughts and keep a positive mind/attitude, which worked perfectly in any kind of developing anxious situation.

So far, I've achieved many things that I am extremely happy about, like the aforementioned, but that doesn't mean I beat the disorder, I still get stuck at saying things, stutter a bit and get mixed up when trying to explain a story of some sort, but what's different is that I DON'T CARE, hell, thinking about how much I used to care about these things and how bad my speech was is just mind blowing at this point, just to communicate with a non very familiar human being was the hardest thing in the world.

Okay, so it's all been good with a few minor downsides I was always able to pull myself out of. A few days ago I was invited by my friend to his families christmas party, I usually have had the hardest times at this specific situation, eating in big tables with a decently large amount of people, specially if it's only me and all those people I don't know, but I decided I was just gonna do it so I said yes. At first it was very comfortable, everyone was sitting in the living room quietly so I said hi to the people and asked how they were doing and such, it was all good until the food was served, and the anxiety started kicking in, every bite was a flashback of memories and feelings I hadn't felt in a long time, it was terrible, I couldn't speak, I could barely eat, everything that I had learnt and overcome started to slowly fall apart.

The anxiety peaked when I saw most people had finished their plates and I was still half way because of this, and the thought of them asking or joking about it any second made me more and more anxious, I could feel the blood rushing to my head and was anxious about that too, the redness of my face. I felt all the **** I hadn't felt in a while, which made me think if I had just crumbled again, if this is never gonna end.

My question is, should I just try and forget about this incident and see it as a natural thing in the process of overcoming social anxiety? I just can't stop thinking about how much I ****ed up.

I keep fearing the possibility of returning to the worst times of my anxiety, it's my main fear, I really never wanna go back there.

Thanks for taking the time to read my ****, I appreciate it, I really do.
 

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You just had a lapse. It happens. You shouldn't be making a big deal out of this. You could have even brought up the some of what you were recollecting, how you are glad you are over that and said thanks to them for having you due to it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
You're right, I'm pretty much over it right now, I guess it's something I'll just have to accept as an aspect I have to get better at. Thank you.
 
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