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Discussion Starter #1
Has anyone here lived in the college dorms? If so, how did/do you like it? Did you make friends?

I have this hypothesis that if you live in the dorms, and expose yourself to social situations -even if you don't talk much- in time you'll start befriending people... Yes? No? What has your experience been? Please feel free to be as detailed as possible. I love long posts. ;)
 

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I hated living in the doors but it was maily because me and my roomate didn't get along. Even though I didn't like it I think it was a good expierence and am glad I did live in the dorms for a year. For me at least, living in the dorms didn't help me get friends any better than living in an apartment near the school. The best way to get friends even if you don't talk a lot is join lots of organizations, especially greek life.
 

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The cool part is that everyone is up until the wee hours in the morning, so something is always happening. Hardly a dull moment.

The bad part is that if you don't get along with your roomate, it can make living there pretty bad. Many people move out due to their roomates.

In the case of SA, as I had it pretty bad when I was in residence, is that everyone is doing cool things and you'll probably feel you can't compete with them; the peer pressure is unbelieavable!! They'll be bringing good looking friends, going to the bars, picking up, smoking pot, meanwhile you'll be sitting in your room all day/all night listening to everyone else have fun. That was the problem with me, anyway. I wish I had been much more proactive, gone to visit others more, and spoken my mind a lot more while I was in residence. I was always too afraid to knock on people's doors. :|
 

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I hated the dorms. First year I had a roomate whom I didn't get along with, and didn't make any friends on the floor at all. Second year I had a single room and, again, didn't make any friends. Oh, and I lived right across from the RA, who didn't like me cause I was so unsocial, and always kept his damn door open which trapped my in or out of my room several times cause I just couldn't get myself to pass his open door. That was awful on my SA, and it really bothered me since I knew how ridiculous I was being. Anyway, its just a really intimidating atmosphere to me. I'm so glad its over. This year I'll be getting an apartment by myself, and I'm actually really looking forward to it, even though it sounds a bit sad :p
 

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I Lived in a college dorm for a year. My roommate and i were completely different people, we got along easily but we weren't friends or anything and i never went out and did anything. One day i got so sick of being lonely/having no friends that i went out to one of the common rooms where a couple of people were watching a movie.

I decided that i'd do the oppsoite of what i'd normally do so i went in and watched it with them. After the movie was over they asked if i wanted to play a card game with them and i accepted. Because of this i made 4-5 friends that i hung out with for the rest of the year, however my second year back i wasnt in residence anymore and i pretty much never saw them again.
 

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My roommate and I were scarily alike and became best friends, but I didn't make any other friends in my dorm. Obviously if you aren't exposed to social situations, you won't make friends. Living in a dorm is only one of many opportunities to make friends, but will you actually make friends when given the opportunity? It depends. Personally, it was really hard for me to make friends in the dorm, because aside from the fact that we all lived in the same dorm or on the same hall, we didn't necessarily have anything in common.

If you don't live in the dorm, you'll have one less opportunity to meet people and make friends, but at the same time, you won't feel pressured to be social if you don't want to be. If you don't get along with the people in your dorm, you can feel trapped and that can be a nightmare. But if you haven't started college yet, I recommend living in a dorm your first year at least, because freshmen in general are more open to new people.
 

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I lived in dorms for two years. I enjoyed it very much and would do so again if I could. My roomates were ok for the most part (different one each year). I didn't like it when they had people over but that was the worst of it.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Well, this is a let down... I was thinking since I there was no way of scaping people that eventually I'd make a friend or two by asking for help with homework, or joining clubs...

I'm not living in the dorms now, but I wasnt to transfer to a college in Western Mass. where I'd be 'obligated' to live in the dorms.

Thanks everyone.
 

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Figured I should add my experience because it actually wasn't so bad. I had a single room and happened to get the floor where most of the people had singles. I made friends the first night and was really glad, because otherwise I really would have been stuck and extremely unhappy. The dorms were fun and I enjoyed the time there [for the most part]. It did have it's cons, but I think the friendships that I managed to make outweigh that. Although I did force myself to go through with it just because I didn't know how else I was going to meet people.

Then again, I did make friends in my Italiano class because it was the same people for two years. You can't really avoid that. So it has been quite an experience and I'm surprised I have managed to make at least one friend during my first year. I guess it all depends on how you approach the situation and how open you are to really trying and making that effort to put yourself out there, no matter how scary that might be.
 

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Dorm life was awkward for the first month, awesome for the next few, and then really, really terrible for the final two. That was kind of my fault, though. I got paranoid and angry and crazy and everything went downhill from there.

I still have a few fond memories from when things were awesome, though. If I hadn't messed everything up near the end, I would have been able to keep the four (!!!!) friends I'd made. The cool thing about dorm living is that you get to hang out with people who you would never have hung out with in high school. As one of my (sadly, former) friends said near the end of first year, "I learned that pretty girls have feelings, too!"
 

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Right now I'm living in a traditional-style dorm, and I honestly don't like it very much at all. My roommate is hardly ever in our room, so I can't bank on hanging out with her, and the people on my floor still have the mentality of high schoolers as far as the maturity scale goes. If I've made friends so far, it's mostly been from OUTSIDE of my dorm. Honestly, I've tried "putting myself out there", only to realize I share nothing in common nor admire any traits of anyone in my floor or the ones above or below me. A big factor of how your dorm life will be will probably be about the other people and how you mesh with them, not how well you necessarily go out of your way to socialize.

I think it's a bit different in my case since I am in summer session and first year, but figured I'd share anyway.
 

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Right now I'm living in a traditional-style dorm, and I honestly don't like it very much at all. My roommate is hardly ever in our room, so I can't bank on hanging out with her, and the people on my floor still have the mentality of high schoolers as far as the maturity scale goes. If I've made friends so far, it's mostly been from OUTSIDE of my dorm. Honestly, I've tried "putting myself out there", only to realize I share nothing in common nor admire any traits of anyone in my floor or the ones above or below me. A big factor of how your dorm life will be will probably be about the other people and how you mesh with them, not how well you necessarily go out of your way to socialize.

I think it's a bit different in my case since I am in summer session and first year, but figured I'd share anyway.
Don't give up! Maybe it's true that your "floor" sucks, but there are still plenty of people in residence that you haven't met yet--particularly in the cafeteria during dinner. If I could do it all over again, I would try to talk to some girls while ordering my food and perhaps ask to sit with them if I am all alone (which was the case for 90% of my dinners).
 

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Well, this is a let down... I was thinking since I there was no way of scaping people that eventually I'd make a friend or two by asking for help with homework, or joining clubs...

I'm not living in the dorms now, but I wasnt to transfer to a college in Western Mass. where I'd be 'obligated' to live in the dorms.

Thanks everyone.
it really depends on how open you are to socializing. You'll have a good time if you are open and social, and the complete opposite if you're not. However, don't expect that being around lots of people is going to cure or change your SA. It won't. Only treatment will, and having supportive family/friends.

another "truth" to dorm life is that everyone else will also feel strange and homesick and occasionally unhappy with their roomate. It's just that people with SA and depression are more sensitive to it. As long as you're open, truthful, with people you'll be fine. I wouldn't discard the opportunity to live in residence, even if only for one year. And yes, there is plenty of mutual homework helping--especially during exams. Most people will probably take the same courses along with you, so you could copy notes off each other and so forth, usually math. And it's much easier to get home from late studying or night classes, as residence is usually on campus. Sharing taxi cabs is also easier.

But one thing's for sure: in residence, you'll certainly learn a lot about people.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
it really depends on how open you are to socializing. You'll have a good time if you are open and social, and the complete opposite if you're not. However, don't expect that being around lots of people is going to cure or change your SA. It won't. Only treatment will, and having supportive family/friends.

another "truth" to dorm life is that everyone else will also feel strange and homesick and occasionally unhappy with their roomate. It's just that people with SA and depression are more sensitive to it. As long as you're open, truthful, with people you'll be fine. I wouldn't discard the opportunity to live in residence, even if only for one year. And yes, there is plenty of mutual homework helping--especially during exams. Most people will probably take the same courses along with you, so you could copy notes off each other and so forth, usually math. And it's much easier to get home from late studying or night classes, as residence is usually on campus. Sharing taxi cabs is also easier.

But one thing's for sure: in residence, you'll certainly learn a lot about people.
That doesn't make much sense to me... Just because a person is social doesn't mean they'll automatically have a better time than someone who's shy.

And I know that sitting quiet in a group of people won't help, but forcing myself might, hell, that's what I've done all my life, which is why I wanted to hear from other people. I'm still very confused because most haven't really explained if they even tried to socialize...
 

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That doesn't make much sense to me... Just because a person is social doesn't mean they'll automatically have a better time than someone who's shy.

And I know that sitting quiet in a group of people won't help, but forcing myself might, hell, that's what I've done all my life, which is why I wanted to hear from other people. I'm still very confused because most haven't really explained if they even tried to socialize...
well, from my point of view, being open and social gives you more chances of getting to know more people. Also, it's easier to rebound from a bad time because you are quickly stimulated by other people/experiences. When I was feeling sad, I used to just lock myself up in my room and hope that someone knock on my door to visit. Usually no one did. And so I stayed sad for a long time.

From what I saw, it was the more social people who hardly stayed in their rooms, always had somewhere to go, were visiting friends, and (in my residence anyway) were having sex with people in different floors. All the things I wished I could've been doing.

I lived in residence for two years. Both years were very different. In my freshman year, I was put in the largest, rowdiest, craziest, residence on campus (notoriously known as "the zoo"). Everybody was blonde, was cool, and many were very wealthy. I was on a floor with some of the "coolest" people in the residence, and a couple of the hottest girls, so I felt immediately inferior. Now, I drink a lot, and I can hold my own at parties, and so on, so I generally did try to go out with all my floormates in the first couple of months, and stay up late, drink, and talk. But it was obvious I was out of my league when they started befriending much more people than I was, and doing other "cool" things like DJing, dealing drugs, and sleeping around. So after 3-4 months they had moved on, and the "less cool", stayed in their rooms and were never heard from again. I felt stuck in a no-man's-land. I wanted to socialize, but was too afraid to knock on doors, and the ones who DID socialize were way out of my league. So that's what I mean when I say I wish I had knocked on more people's doors and been interested in what they liked to do. So, because of SA, I just resigned myself to stay in my room and have dinner alone (my roomate had his dinner earlier than I did, and with others).

As far as the other floors go. I used to hang out with people from other floors, but I stopped after a while at a party in a room when a guy looked like he wanted to get rid of me. I think he thought he was going to have sex with one of the girls there, or something. I felt awkward after that, so I didn't make too many friends from other floors or go to their get-togethers. But I wish I had met more people anyway.

Now that my SA is fully under control, I can look back and see all the things I could've done better. I always wanted to talk to this geeky girl who loved country music, but I never had the courage, as well as exchange CDs with another girl who offered one time. I was always afraid to interrupt the guys because I was too soft spoken at the time, or go out when I wanted to rather than wait for others to go out. I was afraid of playing residence floor hockey on wednesdays because the guys on my floor weren't interested. I could easily have joined another group and play. And so on, and so on.

It's a case of being social, friendly, open--and persistent. When you have SA, you give up at the first hurdle...or merely at the first hint of trouble. A little more persistence despite being discouraged would have gone a long way, as well as getting to know more "geeks" that did things I liked.
 

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Personally, I'm glad i lived in my dorms for my freshman year this past year. It forced me to socialize with people more, though in my case, my dorm was rather small, and I only befriended one other. Most of my friends I met through classes, but I'm still glad I lived in the dorms, and I think my situation was sort of atypical, since my school is insanely small, and there were only 20 people in my dorm. I definitely recommend living in the dorms though.
 

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I lived in the dorms for three years. Each year followed a similar pattern. That is, I went pot-luck on a roommate, and felt like I got lucky each time. All three of my roommates I really got along with. However, besides my roommates, I managed to make very few friends in the dorms. And despite being so close to all of my roommates when I was living with them, I have not had much contact with them since.
 

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Last year I lived in a dorm. It was ok. I made some friends, not any very close. People on my floor were mostly hippies, smoked A LOT. They were nice though. For some reason I was pretty good socially for the first half of the year. People respected me even if I wasn't the most social kid there. I even managed a girlfriend. However, beware of the number one thing involved with dorm life... DRAMA. The same girl had a lot more friends than me and they got annoying as hell. When we split and all hell broke loose. All I wanted to do was escape the drama so I stayed in my room a lot the second half of the year. That kinda sucked.

Lol, my roommate... He was a real goofy kid, but nice as hell, and by goofy I mean in a funny way. He had some of the strangest but funniest ways about him. He was even more shy and awkward then I was so he kind of followed me around a little. He was a great roommate. I had absolutely no problems with him at all. Our room was an absolute mess though...
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Personally, I'm glad i lived in my dorms for my freshman year this past year. It forced me to socialize with people more, though in my case, my dorm was rather small, and I only befriended one other. Most of my friends I met through classes, but I'm still glad I lived in the dorms, and I think my situation was sort of atypical, since my school is insanely small, and there were only 20 people in my dorm. I definitely recommend living in the dorms though.
My would be small too! I read the max number of people in the college dorms are 80.
I notice you're from MA. Where are you going to school? (if you don't mind me asking)

I lived in the dorms for three years. Each year followed a similar pattern. That is, I went pot-luck on a roommate, and felt like I got lucky each time. All three of my roommates I really got along with. However, besides my roommates, I managed to make very few friends in the dorms. And despite being so close to all of my roommates when I was living with them, I have not had much contact with them since.
It sucks that you couldn't maintain your dorm-friends, but at least you had someone when you needed them, no? :)

Last year I lived in a dorm. It was ok. I made some friends, not any very close. People on my floor were mostly hippies, smoked A LOT. They were nice though. For some reason I was pretty good socially for the first half of the year. People respected me even if I wasn't the most social kid there. I even managed a girlfriend. However, beware of the number one thing involved with dorm life... DRAMA. The same girl had a lot more friends than me and they got annoying as hell. When we split and all hell broke loose. All I wanted to do was escape the drama so I stayed in my room a lot the second half of the year. That kinda sucked.

Lol, my roommate... He was a real goofy kid, but nice as hell, and by goofy I mean in a funny way. He had some of the strangest but funniest ways about him. He was even more shy and awkward then I was so he kind of followed me around a little. He was a great roommate. I had absolutely no problems with him at all. Our room was an absolute mess though...
Well, I'd be attending an all-women's college, so that won't be a problem. :lol
 
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