Don't you hate when people say "Just be yoursef!"?

When I heard people telling me, "Just be yourself" I became defensive and maybe a little angry because the advice just seems so simplistic--as if anxiety is something that can be turned on and turned off like a light switch. "Be yourself" kind of sounds like "snap out of it."

Later on, I learned that the advice is to the point and it is helpful. Part of anxiety (at least for me) is due in large part to the inability to accept myself as I am. It's the idea that I have to be good enough in so many ways--like with social skills, body language, humor, kindness, looks, clothes, intelligence, etc--before I am happy with myself, before I can accept myself. The advice "be yourself" can cut through all that B.S. and urge us to accept ourselves as we are; we don't have to be perfect, or calm all the time, or smart, or funny. It's OK to be nervous, to show yourself as being nervous, to tell people "I'm nervous" and to be vulnerable in front of people.

One issue that prevents us from being vulnerable in front of people is placing too much value in our image, in how we present ourselves to others. It's as if I feel I am obligated to present a version of me that has it all together, that is interesting all the time, and make it all look effortless. That's a trap. I'm learning that it's OK to be boring, or bland, or sad, or anxious.