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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey You Guys,
So I am a new member. I was told by a therapist that I have social anxiety when I was 20 years old after struggling for years to connect with my people. But I didn't always struggle to make friends. I guess, I was always a little hesitant to interact but my hesitation only lasted a second when I was a child. The struggle began in middle school. I was harassed by my peers causing me to withdraw. I would go to the library, the bathroom or just stay home from school. This harassment and ostracism lasted for three years until I moved to a new school. However, at that new school, I found that I no longer knew how to interact. But I was fine with it, I felt more comfortable alone anyway and the people who I really wanted to be around was my family. I didn't wake up and realize that I had a problem until I went away to college and still couldn't make any friends. In between my first and second year of college (during the summer), I started to contemplate suicide.
My mother and stepfather went away to my grandmother's house for a summer trip, taking my brothers with them and leaving me alone. I didn't want to go. Because, not only was I worried for the upcoming school year, and my university's band's upcoming summer practices which I had to attend( was a band member) but I had also discovered that the reason for my mom and biological dad's divorce was because my mother had an affair, with my stepfather. The last thing I wanted was to be locked in the car with my mother. I was pissed. I felt lied to, betrayed but I still loved her. I even loved my stepfather who has been a part of my life since I was four. However,my life was falling apart and everything was crashing in on me at once. This could have been the trigger that ended my life. I contemplated suicide, running away but I couldn't bare to scar my brothers. I didn't want their story to be one in which their sister killed herself or went AWOL. SO, during that time alone over the summer in which I was locked in side my head and was drowning in my emotions, I called my mom.
They had been gone for about a week and were going to be gone another, but I told her to come home. I broke down. I said "I have no friends, don't see a future and that I couldn't do handle it alone anymore; I needed help". She came home the next day and that summer, I began therapy. So, yeah, I have social anxiety. My trigger was the bullying that I experienced at a very vulnerable age. I am doing better. That hesitation that I used to feel is mostly gone. I have my bad days and I have my good days. But more importantly, after two years of therapy, I found friends. I graduated last year and am working on my masters now. I call and visit my friends because they don't know how much I cherish them I also, am not afraid to tell people that I have SA. Hey, I'm human, you show me your imperfection and i'll show you mine. My life is far from perfect. Some days, I cry a cry that wrenches deep from my core, but you know what, I'm happy to cry. I'm human and I'm alive to feel. I realize that one big issue with SA is being alone. With SA, you feel better in solitary. But being alone all the time isn't good. The first few times I started to hang out with people, I would binge eat before our hangouts or end up shivering and twitching during our conversations. But I relearned how to interact. I found that I had a personality. I was funny and good listener and my friends say that I am adventurous (I'm down for anything; rollerblading, beach, give it to me). Anyways. I guess I wanted to know what triggered your guys SA, if you feel like sharing of course, if not that's okay. Besos!
 

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Attention Def..OMG KITTY!
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Welcome to SAS Lovpeacjoy! Most of my anxiety triggers often happens when I'm with a crowd (more than 4 people in my books :p).
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hey Elude. I love your quote by the way. Thanks for sharing. One thing that sets me on edge is when I hear someone laughing or if I hear them say something like, " I don't like her" because I automatically feel that it is directed at me. I hope your SA gets better and that the trigger of being around more than four people dissipates.
 

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Attention Def..OMG KITTY!
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Hey Elude. I love your quote by the way. Thanks for sharing. One thing that sets me on edge is when I hear someone laughing or if I hear them say something like, " I don't like her" because I automatically feel that it is directed at me. I hope your SA gets better and that the trigger of being around more than four people dissipates.
Thanks lovpeacjoy, best of luck on your masters!
 

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Welcome LovPeacJoy! :)
 
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