[TheDoombringer]

Im in a bit of a conundrum, about a month ago i broke up with my gf. and since then weve still done everything we did when we were dating (and i do mean everything) i know its unhealthy even tho it feels good, i just feel so guilty

so im kind of caught in between; i feel like my "relationship" with her makes me almost feel like im cheating on her when i flirt with other girls (even tho shes doing the same to me) and on the other hand, i feel like this bizarre "friends-with-benefits" type situation is holding me back. im just not sure on what the right thing to do is :/

its not even that big of a deal for me right now, i just wish i didnt feel so rotten, like im doing something morally wrong. i have a few "irons in the fire" so to speak that i want to pursue, but i feel like im stuck. not because i feel obligated to her, but more because i still have some residual feelings towards her

 

[shyvr6]

Are you sure you two are actually broken up, lol? Doing things together and sleeping with her is only going to cause problems if you want to pursue another relationship, so it's a decision that you're going to have to make.

 

[TheDoombringer]

yeah im pretty sure were broken up since shes already "going out" with another guy. honestly shes just confusing the heck out of me, next time we hang out im going to resist the urge to do anything sexual

 

[Black_Widow]

I can appreciate where you're coming from. I was in that situation years ago (when I was 17 approaching 18), after having been with my first serious boyfriend for about a year and a half. He finished the relationship - technically. But we both found it very hard to totally let go of each other - even though deep down we both knew we weren't right for each other and that our relationship hadn't been working in some time. There were still things we missed from being with each other - including the physical aspect of our relationship - and we both found this very hard to deal with at the time.

Having learnt what I did from the experience however (which was basically that all this slowed us down from getting over each other and moving on with our lives as opposed to really helping the situation), my suggestion would be to have a total break from seeing each other for a while (maybe for something along the lines of couple weeks or maybe even a month) to help give yourself a clearer perspective on things and use that time to consider whether or not you still want to spend time with her for the right reasons - by considering the reasons why you split and what it is exactly you're missing. You might well find that by the end of the time, you realise you genuinely want to give things a second chance. Although then again, you might feel totally differently by the end of the break and realise that you are happier seeing other people. Often though, necessary time apart from someone is the only way to realise something like that for sure.

I hope that helps, and sorry to hear about the situation.

 

[millenniumman75]

It makes me glad I have never done anything like that.

 

[TheDoombringer]

i realize this thread makes me sound like a jerk (sorry) i just needed to get it out

thank you black widow, you dont know how good it feels to know someone else has gone through the same thing. its just hard to stay away when she wants to see me (i have trouble saying no) i know that ill be fine in the end and what ever happens happens

 

[Black_Widow]

thank you black widow, you dont know how good it feels to know someone else has gone through the same thing. its just hard to stay away when she wants to see me (i have trouble saying no) i know that ill be fine in the end and what ever happens happens

No probs at all ;-)

Good luck with everything. Hope the situation soon improves for you.

 

[WineKitty]

I totally understand where the OP is coming from. I have had a similar experience when splitting from my first marriage.

But the bottom line is you (the OP) already feel that it doesnt feel right and that alone is enough reason to make the final break. I dont even see anything "morally" wrong with it per se...its just that its hard to move on when you are still looking back.

Good Luck!

 

[TheDoombringer]

things just got a little more complicated, her father is in the hospital with heart problems. and she needs me for emotional support, i hope everything turns out ok. i hate to see her like this