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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel like I really need to make connections with people like that, since our problems are very different from people who tend to shut down out of fear... which I guess are the majority of those with SA.

As a small child I was always confident and talkative, but when I started going to junior high and lost all my friends, I felt insecure and awful for the first time, and I responded by talking so much people were completely put off by me. Girls specifically told me they didn't want to hang out with me because I would "never shut up."

Now I'm 23, and I'm better when it comes to the sheer volume of words that come out of my mouth, but to this day whenever I feel anxious or threatened I tend to respond by getting louder or by saying stupid stuff. I can be really sarcastic, and when I'm at my worst, probably even mean--although I rarely think about it because I tend to assume I'm so low on the social totem pole that people aren't paying attention. I also get really impulsive, and I'll actually start random conversations with people I'd like to be friendly with, but who are weirded out by what they see as me being too forward/pushy.

Ironically though, all this is out of sheer awkward nervousness. I feel like it's how I used to be as a kid, confident and friendly, mixed up with who I am now, nervous and socially awkward, all mushed into this weird Frankenstein monster madness of a personality.

As you can imagine, I get rejected a lot. Often people consider me conceited, rude, mean, not to mention bizarre, I've been told I make people uncomfortable... and that's just what they'll say to my face.

They probably have no idea how much I struggle to be able to even make eye contact with people, or how terrified I am by the idea of making conversation with strangers...
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
P.S. I have a voice that naturally carries, so when I DO mess up, it's on display for everyone to see... unlike a lot of people with social anxiety, it's not entirely in my head and I know it, since I'm more likely to think "no one noticed that" and realize later when someone tells me so that EVERYONE did, ha!
 

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Miracle thread!

this outlines my behaviour

from early life to today

The reason: I spent time in my own head - timid of parents

Mum in her fifties after her successful life, meeting previous friends in town, she was chatty. I was frightened of strangers. Including my own family: my nieces

Depending on what people say, I react passively, assertively or aggressively.

Non-identifyable phone calls get the worst of me at any end of the scale. In person, I'm less quiet. More outspoken or defensive

Talking about me and little else
which applies to this post too

I like watching celebrities being questioned on TV. I never chose to watch. The wink on entrance, nods, formalities, giggles or big loud oooomph shouts spreading to audience and host is what I want to do. It looks so easy. It's a world away from doing that for real. Can't even take that memory with me. Onstage comic behaviour is right in my head. Can't perform
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I've wondered if I come off as self-absorbed because I talk about myself a lot too. Often it's because I'm talking about the things I'm worried about, which seems like the same thing to people.

There's this other girl I don't know very well but who posts a LOT about her mental health issues on facebook, and it definitely comes off as self-absorbed. I try to keep that in mind, but it's hard when you're obsessing about something and can't get it out of your head long enough to worry what other people are up to...

Then I feel sh****y, like maybe I really am self-absorbed.
 

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I am actually get quieter which is a nightmare as it makes people have to lean forward and pay more attention. or even worse they have to ask me to repeat what i said.

But babble and waffle? i am the king at that when i get anxious
 

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I am exactly the same, although when I do it I get teased for being 'over excited'. When I'm nervous my voice gets really loud - I guess to give the illusion of confidence?
I have a louder than normal voice anway so when I'm nervous and raise it everyone can hear, which makes private conversations / phonecalls I'm trying to make away from other difficult.
I also know what you mean about coming across as mean, I get that a lot. I am desperately trying to think of what to say and then when I say something I think 'omg! that sounded so rude!'. Not really sure what to do about that because it really hinders me at work, and I genuinely am not a horrible person.
 

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I've wondered if I come off as self-absorbed because I talk about myself a lot too. Often it's because I'm talking about the things I'm worried about, which seems like the same thing to people.

There's this other girl I don't know very well but who posts a LOT about her mental health issues on facebook, and it definitely comes off as self-absorbed. I try to keep that in mind, but it's hard when you're obsessing about something and can't get it out of your head long enough to worry what other people are up to...

Then I feel sh****y, like maybe I really am self-absorbed.
sas is the land of the self absorbed so you'll fit right in here. :)

 

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I get like this sometimes at work. I'm supposed to be super-energetic and friendly. I've noticed that if I have a quiet class, I tend to overdo the energy. I'll get really loud and talkative to the point where I've had students tell me that I'm "noisy." The strange thing is that I get more anxious with quiet classes so my "noisiness" is really just a way to compensate for that. Instead of becoming quiet, which is what my SA would naturally lead me to do, I turn up the energy.
 

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I do the same..or I used to. I'd get somewhat Manic actually (fast, excited talking). People would say I talk a lot which brought me down. When really I never talk if I'm being myself.

Someone actually needed to have a sort of intervention on me to tell me I was losing my mind and talking too much. And a large handful of people saw me like that too..in a public place and everything.

But since then I learned nothing good comes when I open my mouth so I've went back to being withdrawn and quiet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Has anyone come up with good ways to cope with the over-excitement? Or, at the very least, the shame that follows making "mistakes?"

With people who get louder/more talkative in response to anxiousness, our paranoia that everyone can tell how nervous we are or that everyone is paying attention to us isn't in our heads... couple that with the tendency to beat ourselves up about embarrassing moments, like everyone with SAS does...

Man, I STILL cannot get over all the times I've been anxious to reach out to someone and made an a** of myself as a result. I feel like I go over and over those moments, again and again and again and again, till I wanna punch myself in the teeth to take my mind off it, ha!
 
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