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Vann of the Dawn
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I definitely know where you are coming from. I feel it here and I just turned 20 a few days ago. I think my biggest problem is I am looking for a good friend to relate to and spend time with and everyone else already has good friends. This leads me to get discouraged if anyone even gives me a chance at friendship because I'm not going to be a good friend, just really a good acquaintance. I feel like I've been standing still for some time now while everyone's been passing me. You're not alone.
 

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I'm on the same boat. Just turned 20, and I hate that it happened because it feels like now I'm just another year behind everyone else. Everyone around me seems to be way ahead of me socially. They all have the making friends and networking thing figured out, and I'm still here struggling to make even one friend. It's both frustrating and depressing.
 

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I'm behind socially, especially when it comes to relationships.

Oh well, it's not as if i tried anyway.
 

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I feel like I'm 12 yrs old a lot of the time.

Not that I'm immature, but i can't really do things for myself (call the doctor, sort out banking issues. etc.). Everyone I know is headed away from their families to University. I am staying an extra year and even rarely leave the house without a family member or friend.

On a more personal note, most people my age (18) or at least a vast majority of people my age, have already: had a first date, a first boyfriend, had a first kiss, had sex for the first time, and most people have done these repeatedly. I haven't ever advanced further than awkward mutual crush, let alone something as mundane as holding hands!
 

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I can relate

I can really relate to how you feel. I am a 29 year old woman. A lot of women my age have professional jobs, husbands, and even kids. I feel really sad and inadequate when I interact with such women. I don't think most of them intend to "talk down to me", but they end up doing it anyhow. I'm in a relationship at the moment, but if I wasn't, I know dating would be an issue now too. I don't know how to relate to men in the 40-60 age range (i.e. the only age of men who seem to be interested in me anymore) - I got paired up too young to somebody who is a great person but who isn't really right for me ::sigh of regret:: I am too scare to move on, though… People like you and I missed a lot of socialization opportunities. Our lives follow an unconventional path, so relating to conventional people is hard since they don't understand us.
 

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Hey J,

I know right where you're coming from. I'm a few years older than you, and man, it only gets worse. I recently joined Facebook (I'm using it as a way to battle SA, even though it is excruciating at times), and it is really hard to see how all these old high-school "friends"/acquiantances now have great groups of friends, wives, and families. I can also really relate to what you said about difficulty relating to men in your age group. I'm male too, and find it so much easier to relate to women. It sucks because I know it is exactly that "male bonding" and acceptance that I need the most, but I just consistently feel inferior around men my age. All we can do is keep working on ourselves. Good luck.
 

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Yes! I definitely feel left behind and I'm 47. I don't think I ever really figured out how to be a grown up. I see other people my age doing things in life, having friends, actually living and I wish I could be like that. I feel like I never fit in.
 

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Starlight and moonbeams
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I definitely feel left behind. Most guys my age are married with kids, and here I am still trying to get a first relationship. I've had friends, but I've lost touch with all of them, and I feel like I'm at a point in my life where they'll judge me negatively for not having other friends or never having a relationship.

I just feel like a running joke in the making.
 

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I'm 31 and this thread really hits home for me. I always feel inferior to any person in my age-range I may talk to due to my lack of social development, which makes my SA much more severe in those cases. I fear that even a few seconds of conversation with someone in that range will point out clearly that I'm a social loser. Jmsb526 you're right, it is like being perpetually stuck in junior high. Letting go of the past is hard, because as you get older you feel more and more behind your peers and think about how your life would be different if you had somehow been able to have a social life in school.
 

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We are OK...better yet we take honest appraisals of ourselves, inventory spot checks if you will, which allows us to change our paradigm of reality if were willing to work for it!
 

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I feel left behind too, like I should have taken the initiative to grow up while I was still in school and I had all the resources there. I had all these resources... Friends from school, teachers, my friends' parents, close walking distances. Why didn't I use them? Why? Was it social anxiety, fear of change, or just laziness? Now I have nothing, or what feels like nothing, except a family who went from not letting me do anything to expecting me to do it all on my own.

The people I know my age have no problem doing it. They already have licenses, whereas I just got my permit last week. They have no problem getting a job, getting a bank account, using a credit card (I've never done it before), or anything. I feel like I'm still like a 14 or 15 year old girl. :/
 

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Simon Says...
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I feel like I'm 12 yrs old a lot of the time.

Not that I'm immature, but i can't really do things for myself (call the doctor, sort out banking issues. etc.). Everyone I know is headed away from their families to University. I am staying an extra year and even rarely leave the house without a family member or friend.
Yeah, it feels like I've wasted my life but also that because I lived such a "sheltered" life I never learned the "social skills" everyone is supposed to learn by experiencing the ups and downs of social contact but persevering and now I have no idea how to act around people :(

I know what you mean by feeling 12 yrs old. I definitely feel so immature and child-like at times. Of course then at other times I feel old as though I've wasted my life and haven't done enough by now.

For example, a lot of the time at college when I have a few hours off, I'd love to go and get something to eat somewhere, but even if I'm hungry I just can't do it... it's too much pressure. Especially somewhere like Subway. It's so complicated and has too much human interaction. There are so many kinds of bread etc. I just wanna say as little as possible, and get my food. Damnit I can't risk being asked a question that puts me on the spot. Don't you all wish that everything like that could just be automated and we could order food from a robot? :p

Cold unfeeling machines FTW.
 

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I definitely feel way behind other people. I'm 20 as well, and like someone already said, people my age have already had multiple relationship experiences like first boyfriend, first date, first kiss, losing virginity, etc. It's one of the biggest things that bothers me about my life, that twenty years down the line I'm probably still never going to know what it's like to have a boyfriend or kiss a guy. When do people normally have their first kisses? Like early teens?

Looking back on things, I've realized that I have been socially messed up my entire life. The difference is now I'm old enough to realize that I have never been good at socializing. And I see people who have no problems socializing and developed normally, and it hurts a lot. Especially being at college where you are just surrounded by people your own age and you can't overlook the differences between you and everyone else.
I'm the same age, and I feel like I could have written almost the exact same post. I feel like my only hope is someday meeting someone like us, realizing it, and helping each other make up for missed experiences. That doesn't seem likely though, since I don't meet many women, and the ones I do meet probably aren't the ones avoiding social situations.
 

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It's called playing catch up. You either quit, or you work harder than everyone else to catch up.

I'm playing catch up. I'm still behind, and there are some bumps on the road so I keep falling down and getting bruises. But somehow, I manage to get back up and keep running....

Which reminds me a song that fits in so perfectly with all of this...


Lyrics:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but youre older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
Its good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.
 

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Yeah, it feels like I've wasted my life but also that because I lived such a "sheltered" life I never learned the "social skills" everyone is supposed to learn by experiencing the ups and downs of social contact but persevering and now I have no idea how to act around people :(

I know what you mean by feeling 12 yrs old. I definitely feel so immature and child-like at times. Of course then at other times I feel old as though I've wasted my life and haven't done enough by now.

For example, a lot of the time at college when I have a few hours off, I'd love to go and get something to eat somewhere, but even if I'm hungry I just can't do it... it's too much pressure. Especially somewhere like Subway. It's so complicated and has too much human interaction. There are so many kinds of bread etc. I just wanna say as little as possible, and get my food. Damnit I can't risk being asked a question that puts me on the spot. Don't you all wish that everything like that could just be automated and we could order food from a robot? :p

Cold unfeeling machines FTW.
ditto to everything you said
 
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