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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm just referring to when you're in a group with whom you are comfortable with, you can be yourself and not reserved, but as soon as the ratio of people who you do not know outweighs the amount of people you do, your shyness increases and you tend to be a lot more reserved. I usually find this a lot, and something else I notice is that I can become intimidated by certain people as well.

Sometimes to deal with it I usually imagine myself as anybody in the group and imagine looking at myself and seeing this person standing there fumbling around and not saying a word to anyone. It usually motivates me to try and talk

Something that also frightens me is the idea of the group as a 'whole'. So I try to remember that it is made up of 'individuals', they all have their own little insecurities (no matter how much it affects them) and that they have the same viewpoint as you, just that they don't get fazed or daunted by it.

Overall I still have a major issue with groups and I am a terrible public speaker. Whenever I have to speak or hang around a group (who I'm uncomfortable with), my heart beat accelerates, my head becomes light, my speech becomes erratic and slurred and a few other things and my voice becomes so soft.

Anyway just wondering if anyone else has the same thing, or if anyone else has some ideas to deal with it?
 

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slanted and disenchanted
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i hate groups. they totally make me mute and self-conscious.

i fare much better one on one, or in a small (2-3 person) group. but that's only if i know and am comfortable w/ the people involved.

i also relate to your public speaking woes. my mind will completely 'blank out' once i become the center of attention (like, if i have to speak in front of others and feel that all eyes are on me).

medication and cbt therapy have helped me to some extent, but i still get certain physical symptoms (heart racing, hot flashes, knot in stomach) when i am in uncomfortable situations. i also still berate myself from time to time if i feel i have said something 'dumb'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yeah, the group thing usually happens to me.
Thanks, it's comforting to know that I can relate with other people who have the same problem.

i hate groups. they totally make me mute and self-conscious.

i fare much better one on one, or in a small (2-3 person) group. but that's only if i know and am comfortable w/ the people involved.

i also relate to your public speaking woes. my mind will completely 'blank out' once i become the center of attention (like, if i have to speak in front of others and feel that all eyes are on me).

medication and cbt therapy have helped me to some extent, but i still get certain physical symptoms (heart racing, hot flashes, knot in stomach) when i am in uncomfortable situations.
Yeah, blanking out is the worst, and the problem is once you make a big mistake it's often hard to come back at all. Just feels like everyone is judging you and analyzing you. I've never considered medication as I personally tend to avoid it, but do you find the therapy helps, or are they about the same?
Anyway it's just nice to be able to talk to people about it
 

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I find it hard to be myself around groups of people I don't know because I have a fear of offending someone. I really don't want to do that, so I tend to be shy until I know certain people won't over react to a joke or harmless comment. I say a lot of "silly" stuff that most people that know me can just laugh at and know I am not serious. Around other people though, not so much, which scares me into being shy and recluse.
 

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I find it hard to be myself around groups of people I don't know because I have a fear of offending someone.
I have a fear of offending others too. I think I may have in the past unintentionally by something I said. My problem is that I dwell on this for a long time every day. I obsess over it.

Regarding socializing in groups. I prefer 2-3 people. Not 10 or more. I've been alone for a long time (8 years) so when I do socialize with others I like the attention to be on me, which usually doesn't happen when I'm in a group. (I think I need to change my attitude though, I don't want to be attention seeking).
 

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This happens to me too. In fact if I'm comfortable with everyone around a lot of times I'm the one cracking jokes or making witty comments; but even then I can feel my eyes darting around at everyones face if it seems like everyone's looking at me to see their reaction. But if I don't know more than maybe 2 people I'm really quiet but I think my friends have gotten used to it. Still sucks though...
 

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This is a big thing with me too. It happened yesterday in fact.. I was hanging out with my friend and two other people I knew well and could be myself with, then one of her friends joined us and I no longer felt comfortable, became quiet and disconnected from everyone. I guess this could be because she's younger than me but looks and acts a lot older, kinda makes me feel bad and like the way I act wouldn't amount to what she's used in someone else my age.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks for replying everyone, yeah I definitely agree with afraid of offending someone, like saying something which in my mind sounds alright, but when said out loud can be construed as offensive, although completely and utterly unintentional.
It really helps me to know that I'm not the only one who has a fear of large groups.
I was hanging out with my friend and two other people I knew well and could be myself with, then one of her friends joined us and I no longer felt comfortable, became quiet and disconnected from everyone. I guess this could be because she's younger than me but looks and acts a lot older, kinda makes me feel bad and like the way I act wouldn't amount to what she's used in someone else my age.
I've had that happen to me before, one minute you're confident and laughing, next minute you're quiet and shy. I even start to get worried and wonder what the other people must think of me when I become quiet, it's really annoying..
 

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Lol I know.. then you start to try and talk more, but you're still in that quiet mindset and what you say just comes out awkwardly and they can probably tell it was forced :/
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Lol I know.. then you start to try and talk more, but you're still in that quiet mindset and what you say just comes out awkwardly and they can probably tell it was forced :/
Haha yeah I can definitely relate and like your voice begins to tremble and it is super quiet even to the point where you say something and no one actually hears what you said, (which has happened to me before and was embarrassing lol)
 
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