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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I asked my friend if I can use her Netflix account for a month and that I will pay her, but I expected her to waive it because we went to the drive-in cinema and I drove, and there were toll charges.
I suggested to pay because I know she would charge me but I thought she might be considerate enough to waive it.
If the situation was reversed I wouldn't expect her to pay me if it's just for a month.

I have driven us to the drive-in cinema many times.

It's not just this. I feel that she's really cheap sometimes.

A few years ago we went to a weekend music festival. She stayed at a motel near the festival but I chose to drive back and forth. I only stayed in her room on the last night and just slept on the other half of the bed. I didn't even use the shower. I had to pay her half of the day's charge. Not to mention that we went on a little road trip before heading home and I drove. She didn't even consider chipping in for petrol. She only offered to deduct the petrol cost from what I had to pay her when I brought it up and she was pis.sy about it.

It bothers me when she's cheap like that because I wouldn't expect her to pay.

I am a cheap and frugal person myself but when it comes to friends I wouldn't expect them to pay over things like that.
 

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No, it sounds like she's being perfectly fair. If you want to use Netflix, you should pay for it. If you want to sleep in her hotel room, you should pay for it. Doesn't matter if you didn't use the shower; you lodged there. A hotel room is more expensive than gas or toll charges. Deducting the cost of gas from the hotel charge is reasonable. If you want her to chip in for gas or toll charges in the future, just ask her, since you certainly DO seem to expect your friends to pay.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
@CoolLilChickadee

She didn't tell me I had to pay until the next day, otherwise I would have driven home. I stayed because she suggested going on a road trip. I was annoyed that she didn't even factor in helping out with the petrol. I didn't even expect her to pay for the petrol, but since I had to pay half of the room's rate for the day I mentioned it because otherwise it wouldn't be fair. And she got annoyed over that.

I have driven us to the drive-in plenty of times because her excuse is that my car have better sound. But yes I agree that I should ask her to pay half of the toll charges.

I'm only annoyed with the instances I mentioned is because I wouldn't expect her to pay me.

We often pay for one another's food, movie tickets and etc and then we pay each other back.
 

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experimental sincerity
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Rather than trying to work out if this is cheap (by whose standards?) I'd ask what sort of relationship you have. It sounds to me that you go dutch on everything and are particular about the details. Which means that the best way to keep this friendship (if you want to) is to stick to that: each pays separately or pays the other person back. I'd be clear about it beforehand in as much as possible, never assume that I won't have to pay for something if my friend is paying and I'm partaking, never let a situation arise where it's not clear precisely how much each person is paying. It's that fine line of being clear and precise but not vindictive. Most importantly, I'd never let my generosity get the better of me - what feels like a friendly gesture will sour fast if a friend doesn't treat you the same way.

Personally, I usually find such relationships a bit exhausting but it doesn't mean that no person is worth going through this bureaucratic nightmare for. You decide.
 

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I have never used Netflix so excuse my ignorance on it but it doesn't sound like it cost her anything to allow you to use her account (IOW, wouldn't she be paying the same amount either way?).

I guess if you know she is like that, you shouldn't tell her that you'll pay her for it and then expect not to. If it didn't cost her anything extra, I would say that it's a bit selfish of her to demand it but whenever it comes to things like this, you should work out the terms ahead of time. If you know she's the type who expects to be compensated for every little thing, you can either stop hanging out with her or just pay her and don't worry about it. A lot of people are like that when it comes to money because they've had this goofy sense of fairness hammered into them since birth.

And as I say that, I mean that it's goofy for her to expect you to pay her if you didn't actually cost her anything extra (if she would have gone and paid the same mount whether you were there or not). If it did cost extra, then it's fair. But you can still avoid it all by discussing who pays what from the beginning and being clear about what you will and won't pay for and not going back on it even if you think you shouldn't have to because you drove or whatever.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Rather than trying to work out if this is cheap (by whose standards?) I'd ask what sort of relationship you have. It sounds to me that you go dutch on everything and are particular about the details. Which means that the best way to keep this friendship (if you want to) is to stick to that: each pays separately or pays the other person back. I'd be clear about it beforehand in as much as possible, never assume that I won't have to pay for something if my friend is paying and I'm partaking, never let a situation arise where it's not clear precisely how much each person is paying. It's that fine line of being clear and precise but not vindictive. Most importantly, I'd never let my generosity get the better of me - what feels like a friendly gesture will sour fast if a friend doesn't treat you the same way.

Personally, I usually find such relationships a bit exhausting but it doesn't mean that no person is worth going through this bureaucratic nightmare for. You decide.
Thanks for your diplomatic input.

It is my issue for having expectations, especially with the use of her Netflix account. Just because I wouldn't charge her for the use of an account for a month, it doesn't mean that I should expect her to not charge me.

There are issues in our relationship so I let instances like the ones I mentioned get to me. It's not about the money, but it ties with my concerns with our relationship.

@WillYouStopDave :
It wouldn't cost her extra for me to use her account. She would just need to give me her password.

I used to share Netflix with her and pay for half, but I stopped because I have other streaming services which I share with her and pay for. I only wanted to use Netflix for a month to watch a few movies that are not available on any of the streaming services I use. I just thought she wouldn't be that cheap to make me pay, considering I just drove us to the drive-in cinema and had to pay for the tolls (I have an electronic tag).

It is my fault for expecting otherwise from her since I know how she is.
 

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Being frugal is a good thing, but this sounds very excessive and cheap. On paper, it seems fair to split everything equally, but if even one-off minor things are subjected to it, I think a lot of people would see that as unnecessary and pedantic. It comes across as if they care more about the pennies than the goodwill of a friendship, in which it's very normal to have some give-and-take and pay for each other in turn.
 

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haha, she sounds cheap as dirt. i have netflix etc and let my buddy and his wife use it all they want. why shouldn't i? it doesn't cost extra! sorry, your friend is a skinflint.
 

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Unfortunately, she might not be keeping a tally of the costs however, the paying for half of the hotel room is rather cheap esp if it was her idea to get a room in the first place. I can understand if you're both getting a room to stay somewhere but it sounds like she roped you into paying after the fact.
Things like money and who's paying should come beforehand to minimize misunderstandings. It always sucks when people say ,oh btw can you pay this amount, at the very last minute.

I'm sort of dealing with a cheap person myself and having to come to terms with it. One rule of thumb is generally to not expect anything in return if you do something nice. Some people just don't get it and take advantage of it. You just have to be straightforward and ask them to pay next time, put the ball in their court, so to speak. If she was to be fair, she would agree to take turns paying.
 
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