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I think it depends on the person. Me personally, I don't think cheating is right. I think if your going to have flings with many girls you should do it honestly. If I commit myself in a serious relationship I will not cheat because I don't believe it's right.

Unless you got serious game or shooting for anything that walks, it is a lot of work to be so casual sexually. Monogamy is much healthier I would presume.
 

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I've never understood why guys want to **** as much women as they can.

I would only want to stay with THAT one girl for many years.
Ditto...

I know there's the apparently widening trend of people rationalizing infidelity by claiming it's natural - "animals have different sex partners all the time, why shouldn't humans" - and other such arguments. The truth of the matter is that many animals mate with one partner for life. And even if they didn't wouldn't that just be one of the things that seperates us (as humans) from animals?

Is monogamy natural? I have no idea. Does anyone really? I do know that if you respect your partner at all, you don't cheat on them (unless, of course, they're okay with an "open" relationship - I don't really agree with that idea, but to each their own).
 

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We Found Love
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yes.
 

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Penguin
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Do you think monogamy is natural? And do you think its sustainable?
It makes evolutionary sense for women to try to keep a man around to defend them and their child during and after pregnancy.

However for a male it would seem to make evolutionary sense to be as promiscuous as possible. And yet I still find male promiscutiy extremely distasteful and would never dream of cheating on a partner - perhaps this is social conditioning, or maybe monogamy benefits genetic reproduction for human males in a way I have not noticed.

I certainly think it can be sustainable, if you meet the right person.
 

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thoughts are just thought
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Not at all to support those who cheat. But I think monogamy is impossible if the partners are sexually incompatible.

Not that monogamy is unnatural but too many people decide that monogamy is the same thing as monotony. That when you get married (or after the honeymoon) sex is suppose to be boring.

I think everything goes as long as both partners are okay with it, and I feel both partners should try to be okay with what ever their partner desires... unless it crosses a super uncomfortable/safe line.


I think open relationships are dangerous but I think if both partners okay with it it is fine. Cheating is the exact opposite it is one partner doing what they want behind the others back because they know the other is not okay with it. :mum
 

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Geese
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Where is loquaciousintrovert when you need her! Of course it can work and does work with the right person. If someone would be happier in a polyamorous relationship then as long as all parties involved are clear and willing then there is no reason why those could not work either.

People will argue to the death which is "natural" using other species, the divorce rate and cheating rates as evidence but the truth is there are so many variables at play I don't think you can ever put forward any of those arguments as fact.
 

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However for a male it would seem to make evolutionary sense to be as promiscuous as possible.
Part of that may be determined by what men women choose to mate with. If a guy is promiscuous and thus unlikely to stay around to help her and her child survive, then either a woman is less likely to choose him or she'll choose him but their child is less likely to make it to adulthood and have children of their own. I think this makes difference in environments (how important a man is in helping the mother/child survive may vary depending on climate or culture or other factors) create differences in rates of polygamy/monogamy.
 

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Penguin
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Part of that may be determined by what men women choose to mate with. If a guy is promiscuous and thus unlikely to stay around to help her and her child survive, then either a woman is less likely to choose him or she'll choose him but their child is less likely to make it to adulthood and have children of their own. I think this makes difference in environments (how important a man is in helping the mother/child survive may vary depending on climate or culture or other factors) create differences in rates of polygamy/monogamy.
I don't think choice much enters into it if we are talking in primal, evolutionary terms. Your second point is a good one though, a child is more likely to survive to reproduce if it has two parents as guardians, at least for a time. And presumably those children whose fathers stuck around to teach them how to hunt etc were more likely to survive and reproduce and thus genes for monogamy, or at least for some degree of loyalty, were more evolutionarily stable?
 

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is getting over herself
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No, it is not natural, however it can be sustainable, since I know people who have managed it.
 

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is getting over herself
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I don't think choice much enters into it if we are talking in primal, evolutionary terms. Your second point is a good one though, a child is more likely to survive to reproduce if it has two parents as guardians, at least for a time. And presumably those children whose fathers stuck around to teach them how to hunt etc were more likely to survive and reproduce and thus genes for monogamy, or at least for some degree of loyalty, were more evolutionarily stable?
there is plenty of evidence to show that pre-historic humans actually lived communally, with all adults sharing responsibility for all offspring of the group. There was loyalty to the group. This is how humans lived for the majority of our existence. It is only in the last 10,000 - 13,000 years, since we began our agricultural lives that monogamy has become important, and loyalty to one family, or clan.
 

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Chlorine and Wine
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Biologically - hell no. At least not from a male's standpoint. For a female... I suppose that's why you get the old concepts that women get attached and selective or uninterested and all that yada yada.

That's not an excuse for cheating. Because we've evolved to a point where we can display self-control. But monogamy was kinda pushed on the human race and as a result when marriage no longer became a tool for business or control it all fell apart. There are societies that survive just as well on some form of multiple relationship. It's all a social construct. Nothing natural about marriage.

And how many animals raise their offspring in group settings?
 

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giraffe
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I think monogamy has become natural. While it would make sense for men to be as promiscuous as possible, that would also make them undesirable as mates since women are more likely to choose stable providers/protectors to have offspring with. While obviously women can and do provide for themselves now, they are still more likely to choose to reproduce with men that are monogamous rather than those who are not. It has become culturally desirable as women gain equal rights. In the cultures where polygamy is acceptable, it is only due to patriarchal belief, and I would argue that it is unnatural for women. I've talked to many women who were a part of this tradition and most of them were very unhappy with having to accept non-monogamous relationships and compete with rivals for resources/security/equal treatment. I think there are people who are able to have successful non-monogamous relationships, but those people are in the minority.
 

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I don't think it's natural. I just think it's something society has forced on us.

I think our system would fall apart if there was no marriage system despite the fact that I don't particularly agree with it. I think it helps keep our society together in the sense that if you do end up having kids, there are usually under a marriage, which means that the kids are provided a more stable home. If it weren't like that, I can only imagine, there would be kids roaming the streets without any parental figures. And soon we would be an endangered species. So I think the whole idea of monogamous relationships just works for our system.

I suppose there are polygamous marriages but I've always viewed them as going against the point. I think bringing marriage into polygamous/open relationships is a strange idea. It seems to go against the reasoning behind a polygamy because the people involved are restricted to the people they're married to. And subjectively-speaking, I think open relationships just ask for trouble anyways.

And I believe that cheating is wrong but I don't think that it should be viewed as the opposite of monogamy. Animals don't "cheat" on their mates, they have an understanding that once they have mated, they are free to move on and find another mate during the next mating season. It's synonymous with a polygamous relationship.

But then when I think about it, most humans seem to yearn for social interactions. I think it's part of the reason why we cluster around cities. A lot of the relationships we look for are more than superficial so it might make sense that we'd want to find one partner, and be in a monogamous relationship.

So honestly, I think I've worked myself into an impasse. There are so many factors that we have to take into account, that it seems impossible to discern "normal" human behaviour.

That being said, I do think monogamy is sustainable. I've seen many people do it, errr, at least I think I have (I can't be sure that they aren't cheating, I guess).
 

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Given my own reading and experience, in humans I'd say monogamy is natural to some extent, but serial monogamy not lifelong, people don't stay in love forever. Though at the same time males will tend to be polygamous when they can get away with it, especially when they have power (From ancient emperors with hordes of concubines to the seemingly endless number of modern politicians having affairs). While women many might have a go at more than one partner, I see more of a lover-provider dynamic going on than an interest in a maximum number of sexual partners.

Do I think it's sustainable? Sure with some discipline, but one has to accept that eventually the sparks stop flying and you have to appreciate your partner more as a close friend and companion.

Then again what do I know? I'm 23 years old and I've never dated in my life.
 
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