Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 41 Posts

·
is getting over herself
Joined
·
12,022 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I came across this interesting idea today -

I believe love is a choice, not an emotion, or feeling, certainly not all those things we sometimes mistake it for -

It is a choice, made day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath.

Agree? Disagree?
 

·
king of the road
Joined
·
175 Posts
I disagree. It's definitely not a choice. I think sometimes people think they're in love when they actually aren't. They choose to believe that they are in love, but they aren't truly in love. When you are truly in love it is not a choice.
 

·
breaking free
Joined
·
2,171 Posts
Love is a choice. You can choose who you fall in love with and whether or not you stay in love with that person. The actual falling in love process is mainly controlled by genetics (i.e. who you are attracted to) but you can still choose whether or not you want to be in a relationship with that particular person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
215 Posts
I don't think it's a choice. What happens when you love someone you know could never love you back? You wish desperately that you didn't love the person, but you still do. I think that, in that case, love isn't a choice at all.
 

·
is getting over herself
Joined
·
12,022 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Ok, so it seems "feeling" wins out, so far, but feelings change. feelings can change from day to day. So, why then do people get married? why bother at all? And what happens to marriage when feelings change? I find it hard to believe that that many people are so consistent with their feelings - and I am thinking of all feelings here, not just the feeling of love.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,375 Posts
I don't think it's a choice. What happens when you love someone you know could never love you back? You wish desperately that you didn't love the person, but you still do. I think that, in that case, love isn't a choice at all.
When you truly love someone, it isn't required that they love you back.
You love them and want them to be as happy as possible.
Sometimes watching someone you love, love someone else, is one of the most loving things you could do for that person and his/her life...and maybe your own as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
544 Posts
I'm not sure if I even believe in 'love'. It's a word that is thrown around so much, it doesn't have one meaning. I've never been in love and at this rate won't have the chance, ever. I've had some pretty strong feelings for members of the opposite sex, prolonged feelings which I haven't really been able to control (ie. lust) and I suppose if love is tangled up with lust it might not be a choice, but I think that love is more of a choice. Being an emotional attachment, I think love would take more time to develop so it would be a choice to let those feelings develop is you embarked on a relationship with someone, but maybe not a choice if you had no choice but to constantly be around a certain person. (say at work or a friend)

But hey, what do I know? I'm a useless, loveless social anxiety-ridden loner.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
That's what I used to think. I was capable of switching off my feelings for people; anyone at all. However, one day around age 30, I encountered someone for whom the feelings could not be switched off. They could completely bypass my will, and I can have a very strong will. A couple of years later and it's still with me. I can never be with them. I have never intended to marry, and they would not have changed my mind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,113 Posts
I think its both. If you're with someone over time, it can go back and forth. They do something so lovable that you feel that emotional spark again that naturally draws you to them. Then they do something horrible, but you're committed as partners, so you choose stick with them in spite of.
 

·
king of the road
Joined
·
175 Posts
I think its both. If you're with someone over time, it can go back and forth. They do something so lovable that you feel that emotional spark again that naturally draws you to them. Then they do something horrible, but you're committed as partners, so you choose stick with them in spite of.
Good point.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
I know I have developed a talent at cutting people off emotionally over the years. However, I have seen other people who do not appear able to do this or lack the willpower to do it. They're more obsessed with people than I am, I guess. And, no, I'm not autistic nor do I have Asperger's.
Actually, many autistics and those diagnosed with Asperger's experience people obsessions. I have this diagnosis and have both the ability to cut people off using reasoning abilities and/or willpower and (going by one experience) to be obsessed and emotionally attached.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
19,437 Posts
Love makes you blind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
56 Posts
Personally I don't believe love is a choice... You can choose to act on it, but or even choose to avoid the person and not see them. But that doesn't mean you still can't help but feel love for them
This is my view on it... I'm a lesbian. Every miniute of everyday I have to make sure my parents are not finding out because I know i would be rejected by then. It also interferes with my religious beliefs and I've lost numerous friends for it. I've been suicidal struggling to accept the fact that I'm a lesbian before.
I know with me, Love is not a choice.
for some, in some cases.... mabye.
But that's just my take on it :)
 

·
In the doghouse
Joined
·
1,165 Posts
Ok, so it seems "feeling" wins out, so far, but feelings change. feelings can change from day to day. So, why then do people get married? why bother at all? And what happens to marriage when feelings change? I find it hard to believe that that many people are so consistent with their feelings - and I am thinking of all feelings here, not just the feeling of love.
Nice thread! This reminds me of the movie The Prestige(C.Nolan/2006) This exchange occurs several times throughout the film:

Christian Bale: I love you.
Wife(she often says this while smiling): No you don't. Not today /OR/ You mean it today.

Why get married if this is the case? I'd imagine there are many rewards that come from some sort of long lasting, deep friendship. What these might be, I couldn't tell you:D
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,331 Posts
Well, I don't believe that anything is a true choice since I don't believe in free will, so love would be included. I don't see how free will can co-exist along side cause and effect.

Either:
A) Love is a result of cause and effect. Choice (free will) is an illusion.
B) Love is the result of choice (free will). Cause and effect is an illusion.

I "choose" A because I can easily recreate cause and effect, but I can not think of any example of free will where there was no outside influence on a decision.

Of course, it's impossible to trace back all of the infinite number of small causes and effects that led to each decision we make so our brains end up having to resort to the illusion of choice.
 
Joined
·
2,348 Posts
I think love is a stupid stupid stupid stupid myth.

Maybe I am just a bitter person. Maybe that is what I want to believe. Maybe I can't see anyone ever falling in love with me.

Maybe I just need to shut up.
 

·
Hiding In My Den
Joined
·
1,955 Posts
In a way it is and in a way it isn't for the same reason. You can chose to TRY to love or stop loving somebody, but theres no guarentee it will work.
 

·
Beautiful Mess
Joined
·
1,284 Posts
I came across this interesting idea today -

I believe love is a choice, not an emotion, or feeling, certainly not all those things we sometimes mistake it for -

It is a choice, made day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath.

Agree? Disagree?
I agree that love is a choice. I also believe that happiness is a choice.
 
1 - 20 of 41 Posts
Top