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No because looking people up that I used to know irl freaks me out and I don't get curious about what most of them are up to now that often, it would just be weird I think seeing how people have changed and stuff and I have a negative feeling when going on Facebook now too so I avoid that.

A couple of times my friend (only person I'm still in contact with,) has brought up people we used to know who he follows on twitter to tell me they're trans (think he's deactivated facebook now too.) One of them was someone who used to have a crush on me, and the other one I had a crush on. It's somewhat interesting but not that weird because we both studied game related degree subjects and lots of people who have some background in that area (game development, streamers, really any connection to video games,) or who are computer programmers are trans or LGBT in general. Kind of a stereotype but moreso with trans women. (I've never met a single trans man or trans masc person in general and still don't know of anyone who is irl. I think 90% are teenagers.)
 

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I do, mostly out of boredom, i know it makes me feel horrible yet i keep doing it.
Not a single person I have known well in the past is doing bad in life. They all have high paid jobs, relationships/kids, bursting social lifes, they’re independent, have hobbies etc.

I sometimes wonder if they google my name, they won’t find anything but they wonder what has become of me. I’m glad they are unable to find out. I’m so ashamed of my life. i don’t have a job, I never lived by myself ( what must my parents think deep down?), never enjoyed the company of a woman.

I just live the same day over and over again, killing time. Having the same routine of doing nothing substantial day by day by day.

all of this because i have no self confidence, I don’t like myself.
I have done. Old GF's and friends and such but don't anymore.

IMO We need to look forwards, not not get trapped in the past, we're prone to sentimentality perhaps? Don't look back or you'll be turned into a pillar of ash. It means don't get caught in sentimentality/past loops. Move forwards. I still think back, like to being with friends in my 20's, and school, and this or that mistake, joke, occasion. Like a movie real in my head. I'm 38 now. 20 was yesterday. And you can and will of course, look back. It must mean something? / serve some positive function. You can definately get trapped there. We are supposed to use it to process and learn I think, to help move forwards. Don't get trapped there and give way to wonderment.

As for this

'I just live the same day over and over again, killing time. Having the same routine of doing nothing substantial day by day by day.'

As for this, I'm in the same place at the moment. Was just commenting in another thread that I lost my job and am 'trapped' in the same daily meme, kind of like groundhog day hell. Stuck in a flat, walk back and forwards through the same rooms, drink on an evening, try and hold off from starting too early. Are you working? I think I'll get out. Go on on a long bike ride or walk some days. Think a lot.
 

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Discussion Starter · #23 ·
I have done. Old GF's and friends and such but don't anymore.

IMO We need to look forwards, not not get trapped in the past, we're prone to sentimentality perhaps? Don't look back or you'll be turned into a pillar of ash. It means don't get caught in sentimentality/past loops. Move forwards. I still think back, like to being with friends in my 20's, and school, and this or that mistake, joke, occasion. Like a movie real in my head. I'm 38 now. 20 was yesterday. And you can and will of course, look back. It must mean something? / serve some positive function. You can definately get trapped there. We are supposed to use it to process and learn I think, to help move forwards. Don't get trapped there and give way to wonderment.

As for this

'I just live the same day over and over again, killing time. Having the same routine of doing nothing substantial day by day by day.'

As for this, I'm in the same place at the moment. Was just commenting in another thread that I lost my job and am 'trapped' in the same daily meme, kind of like groundhog day hell. Stuck in a flat, walk back and forwards through the same rooms, drink on an evening, try and hold off from starting too early. Are you working? I think I'll get out. Go on on a long bike ride or walk some days. Think a lot.
I basically haven’t worked a day in my life, I haven’t got any life experience on any level.
I’m prone to look back into the past, I wouldn’t say daily,but still at least once a week. I have a love/hate relationship with nostalgia. When I think back it always starts positive ( smile on my face) and after a while I only think about regrets I have which then ends into me feeling like a wreck
 

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I basically haven’t worked a day in my life, I haven’t got any life experience on any level.
I’m prone to look back into the past, I wouldn’t say daily,but still at least once a week. I have a love/hate relationship with nostalgia. When I think back it always starts positive ( smile on my face) and after a while I only think about regrets I have which then ends into me feeling like a wreck
Yeah. I get ya. Have you thought of maybe night classes? Or they might be called different things in different areas: there's like mental health / anxiety meet up groups, or more like meet up groups for people that have anxiety. Sometimes people host different groups for different things, like they're community driven. You can always bail/leave/not go back if you don't like it or it's overwhelming.
 

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various folks are on my facebook timeline. others have gone "silent/hidden". I see glimpses of various peoples' lives.. kids, and sometimes, in a few cases, grandkids.. I have no spouse, no children, and not even a career that I'm proud of.
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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Can’t say I do. I’m just not really that interested in following up that way, especially if they aren’t already on my Facebook or other social media friends lists. Those that are on my lists might get the occasion post like, but I’m not browsing their profiles, posts, or pictures to see what’s been going on with them. Sometimes I wonder if people google me though, & what they find when they do. I haven’t googled myself in years & years
 

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I've only looked up a few former schoolmates or co-workers, only a couple times. It's depressing, so it's not something I've enjoyed doing. I didn't message them or anything. Unfortunately, by doing this I found that a former schoolmate and a co-worker had passed. The only continuous semi-friend I had during school, I keep resisting looking back at his social media. I have some guilt for the way I treated him in high school. Overall, I had no real friends in or out of school, and it's not something I'm interested in looking at.
 

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Song and action man
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Sometimes I do. It's not a good habit but I can't help myself from doing so.

I must say I did find it sad when a grade school classmate friend I had learned died. I mean I don't know what happened but it's most likely drug/alcohol related.
 

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I'm surprised by the number of people here that don't do this. I thought Internet creepin' was a rather common thing. Not that I do it on a regular basis, but how can you not be just a bit curious about what people from your past are up to nowadays?
 

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Nah, but I sometimes close my eyes in meditative contemplation & visualise them burning in the fires of hell🔥😈.....It calms me.. 😌
 

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No. I have little to no interest in what they are doing now. They are not part of my life now and I see no relevance in googling them. I don't want to find myself comparing lives with them either. I'd rather focus on my own life and those who are currently in my life now.

But wherever they are, whatever they are doing I wish them well 💛
 

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Not on Facebook, or the type of social media where you can look people up, except LinkedIn. The fact people can see if you've viewed their profile keeps me pretty tamed when it comes to looking up people from the far-off past. My situation now is that people from the past are now reaching out to me, and I'm in a transition period of my life (outlined below), for which I'd rather just focus on that.
I don’t want to wait but at the same time I have never felt like I could change if I wanted too. I think I need to be pushed, let’s say my survival instinct needs to be activated. I don’t have the energy or courage to start living life.
Not to jump in, but it may even just start with you having the intent of making a start. I'm not sure in recent years whether you've made any attempts at all in trying to move forward. I intend to move out (of my parents' place) very soon - but this covid situation and additional stuff at work is pretty much bombarding me to the point of not having time to think. Admittedly this is a more widespread situation but the constant "moving goalposts" mean that I know I'll just have to take a proactive leap within the next few months. I'm already getting rid of stuff in order to be more mobile and getting an idea of the rent prices.

or if you've literallrestarting your life or made It's more difficult going through life having to be pushed into situations, as you'll always feel like your behind, rather than using current stability as the platform for moving ahead.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
Not to jump in, but it may even just start with you having the intent of making a start. I'm not sure in recent years whether you've made any attempts at all in trying to move forward..
No it has been probably 10 years when I last made a substantial attempt in picking up my life. I’m in this status quo fase where I accept what I have and accept what I don’t have.
I think I don’t have it in me, a pivotal moment will be when my parents die. I’m very curious how I will react to that.
 

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I looked someone up recently and it negatively affected me. But I think it might light a fire under me and I know that if I am trying my best there’s nothing I can’t do. I just have stopped trying and have been drowning in self pity the last couple years.
 

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Discussion Starter · #36 ·
I looked someone up recently and it negatively affected me. But I think it might light a fire under me and I know that if I am trying my best there’s nothing I can’t do. I just have stopped trying and have been drowning in self pity the last couple years.
Yeah self pity I know all about that
 

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No it has been probably 10 years when I last made a substantial attempt in picking up my life. I’m in this status quo fase where I accept what I have and accept what I don’t have.
I think I don’t have it in me, a pivotal moment will be when my parents die. I’m very curious how I will react to that.
Hmmm.... well, indeed this seems much quite passive. Admittedly this would also put you in a far less favourable position for going out into the world than if you were to start now. To be honest, my parents taking care of me is the main driver behind my wanting to succeed, but I guess that's because in their mind they also want me to succeed and are providing a stable base during difficult times. If in your situation your parents are happier to have help around the house, and are apathetic* when it comes to whether or not you can succeed, or even be independent, then I guess that's different.

But anyway, though I did feel I had to say the above, I don't want to project my feelings onto you. Plus, I'm mindful of taking this thread off its main topic. So whatever happens, I hope it will lead you to happier times.


*apathy is distinct from giving up hope
 

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Song and action man
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I looked up a past co-worker who I was friends with and had something of a crush on. We stayed in touch a little but she stopped all communication with me and ghosted me. I got no real explanation. Admittedly I used to look her name up to reminisce and I got really down. It wasn't healthy.

I looked her up recently and saw she's engaged. For the first time though I felt cool about it. If I was ever thinking of her in terms of hooking up romantically (and I wasn't) it wouldn't have been right. I would have been trying to be something I wasn't.

Long story short it sucked when she stopped talking to me but looking her up was a positive in that she sort of wasn't who I thought she was if that makes any sense.
 

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certain friends have common names. some don't show up on facebook, near as I can tell. Some may have changed their names (especially the girls who got married, obviously). so I mostly don't do it now. wish them the best.
 
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