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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I do, mostly out of boredom, i know it makes me feel horrible yet i keep doing it.
Not a single person I have known well in the past is doing bad in life. They all have high paid jobs, relationships/kids, bursting social lifes, they’re independent, have hobbies etc.

I sometimes wonder if they google my name, they won’t find anything but they wonder what has become of me. I’m glad they are unable to find out. I’m so ashamed of my life. i don’t have a job, I never lived by myself ( what must my parents think deep down?), never enjoyed the company of a woman.

I just live the same day over and over again, killing time. Having the same routine of doing nothing substantial day by day by day.

all of this because i have no self confidence, I don’t like myself.
 

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I think it's important to remember that the version of somebody you see on social media is usually carefully curated to present a certain image; it's not necessarily reflective of their reality. Nobody is posting their failures on social media. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes to somebody else's highlight reel, as they say.
 

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Barbells and kittens
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I think it's important to remember that the version of somebody you see on social media is usually carefully curated to present a certain image; it's not necessarily reflective of their reality. Nobody is posting their failures on social media. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes to somebody else's highlight reel, as they say.
Also this.

I know married people that are on the verge of divorce and still posting on Facebook like everything is great.
 

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---------------------------- ▓▓▓▓Groovy▓▓▓▓
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I used to, but now it doesn't really interest me. I can not think of anyone I would want to look up at this time. Not that I am bitter or anything, it just doesn't really matter that much to me. I don't think it is wrong to be curious how others are doing though, I think that is pretty natural actually.
 

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Sounds like self-harm. I've never Googled people I used to know like that, but I do sometimes get sucked into self-harm spirals where I'll spend hours comparing my appearance to the appearance of famous celebrities and IG models. Or comparing my lifestyle to theirs. It's just psychological cutting, I think. It makes me feel horrible, but sometimes I just can't stop myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I think it's important to remember that the version of somebody you see on social media is usually carefully curated to present a certain image; it's not necessarily reflective of their reality. Nobody is posting their failures on social media. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes to somebody else's highlight reel, as they say.
yes ofcourse, I realize that but at least it confirms how much better thay have been doing compared to myself at least at one point in their lives while my life has been at a standstill for decades. They have evolved naturally as most people do while I have stayed the same as I was in college. mentally I’m still at that stage with no life experience at all.

Both of these sound pretty awful to me honestly.
it is not so much that I want what they have but it has a more emotional meaning to me. i just want to be as happy as they seem to be and I want to feel respected like how I respect what they have achieved so far in life.
why are they able to pursue things that make them happy and why can’t I do the same? Why am I burdened with low self esteem?

thank you everybody for the replies...
 

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(.*?)
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It's not that everyone presents a false facade, it's that more false facades get indexed. People with modest lives don't brag about them to the world and make their "hi, I failed at life" profile public in hopes of being found -- it's not smart to do so, because your next potential employers will google you too. And if you're not careful your search will turn up more successful people of the same name (the first page of google results for my name is more successful people with my name).

Also some of us have job titles that sound really successful at a glance (like I'm a software developer who owns a company) when we're actually considered failures by society (as that company is just me and earns several thousand dollars a year).

Can't say I google schoolmates, because I didn't know anybody at school. I do google later friends occasionally though, and never really turn up much.
 

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I guess that is one benefit of not having any social media. Most people have their profiles set to private so even if I were to find the right person, it wouldn't show me anything. I wouldn't friend most of the people I have ever known anyway. Most of them were little more than casual acquaintances who would probably be weirded out by some person from half a lifetime ago that they hardly even knew seeking them out.

Most of the friends I have had were very casual friends. People I just hung out with because none of us had anything better to do and were in the same general area because of circumstances. Those are not the kinds of people you regret parting ways with. You just kind of stop seeing them one day and that's that.
 

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Loathed Loiterer
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I use to a bit more. Not so much now, since I have lost touch and became disconnected with most of them. So I've kind of lost interest knowing I am unlikely to see them or interact with them again. So it becomes rather pointless. And it will likely further worsen my self esteem if I do.
 

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bipolar
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I've never done that that I can recall. I didn't need social media to know a few of my friends from ages ago were quite successful. (money or career-wise anyway) I also knew for a fact other aspects of their lives that I wouldn't wish on anybody.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
Just for the record, I googled them, then a select few pages turn up where I can see their career paths and from that I deduct they have succeeded in life (they started working immediately after graduation and steadily moved up the ladder)
I don’t use any social media at all because it would totally wreck me if I did.

If I accidentally run into one of them on the street, I make sure I make a huge bypass so I don’t have to engage in conversation with them despite me actually liking them as a person.
I had a normal youth growing up and people had some degree of expectations for me growing up, I personally think this makes it extra hard on me if they found out I’m just wasting time doing nothing for 2 decades.

It is very annoying but I keep living in the past, regretting decisions made and belittling myself. It really is awful how having no self confidence totally wrecks one’s life or potential life.
 

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bipolar
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Just for the record, I googled them, then a select few pages turn up where I can see their career paths and from that I deduct they have succeeded in life (they started working immediately after graduation and steadily moved up the ladder)
I don’t use any social media at all because it would totally wreck me if I did.

If I accidentally run into one of them on the street, I make sure I make a huge bypass so I don’t have to engage in conversation with them despite me actually liking them as a person.
I had a normal youth growing up and people had some degree of expectations for me growing up, I personally think this makes it extra hard on me if they found out I’m just wasting time doing nothing for 2 decades.

It is very annoying but I keep living in the past, regretting decisions made and belittling myself. It really is awful how having no self confidence totally wrecks one’s life or potential life.
That bit sounds quite a lot like me. I give myself a very hard time sometimes - but at the end of the day I know there isn't much else I could have done differently. My life certainly hasn't been a complete waste of time - I've had a family and I have a son who's doing quite well - but I've also had plenty of times when just holding on has been hard, let alone advancing in life in any meaningful way.

Maybe you could start with something very small. Something you think that's manageable and that you could build on. That might give you the confidence to do something else and it could grow from there?
 

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Life's too short to look backwards, those people are a chapter of my life that is done with. I don't really care what they're up to.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Maybe you could start with something very small. Something you think that's manageable and that you could build on. That might give you the confidence to do something else and it could grow from there?
I reckon if i am to change it can only start small but I think it won’t change for as long as I’m under my parents “guidance”. Im living luxurious under their wings, they don’t really question why Im still at home anymore. We live in a sort of status quo. i made myself semi useful helping out when necessary with house chores as they grow older and less fit. I think they have grown used to me being around.

Everything would probably change if they pass away. I have no clue what would become of me then but the current standard of life im living would be unattainable without them. It is a scary thought as I have absolutely no life experience (i barely leave the house) but at the same time it would probably feel as a rebirth Or a last chance to redeem myself.

The big question is ,when will this status quo be broken.Will i be in my 50s? By then I think the best option would be to just give up on life altogether.
 

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bipolar
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I reckon if i am to change it can only start small but I think it won’t change for as long as I’m under my parents “guidance”. Im living luxurious under their wings, they don’t really question why Im still at home anymore. We live in a sort of status quo. i made myself semi useful helping out when necessary with house chores as they grow older and less fit. I think they have grown used to me being around.

Everything would probably change if they pass away. I have no clue what would become of me then but the current standard of life im living would be unattainable without them. It is a scary thought as I have absolutely no life experience (i barely leave the house) but at the same time it would probably feel as a rebirth Or a last chance to redeem myself.

The big question is ,when will this status quo be broken.Will i be in my 50s? By then I think the best option would be to just give up on life altogether.
That's one way of looking at it - but another way would be that you might finally be able to live independently of them. It might take you a while to get used to it but you'd be forced to.

I'm a lot older than you are (I think I saw that you're 38 or something?) but a few years ago I was forced to leave a very comfortable life to live on my own. Only for me it was leaving my wife's house and living with her. Why I had to leave is a bit complicated (and very personal) so I won't go into that. It's taken me about 5 years to feel like I can start to move forward now but in a way I'm glad it's happened - even though living alone for me is difficult. I probably never would have left otherwise.

I guess the point is - do we always want to wait until we're pushed, or are we going to try and do it ourselves?
 

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drifting in mist
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I used to sometimes when I was in my 20's. I guess I don't now because all it does is make me more ashamed of myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I guess the point is - do we always want to wait until we're pushed, or are we going to try and do it ourselves?
I don’t want to wait but at the same time I have never felt like I could change if I wanted too. I think I need to be pushed, let’s say my survival instinct needs to be activated. I don’t have the energy or courage to start living life.
 

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bipolar
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I don’t want to wait but at the same time I have never felt like I could change if I wanted too. I think I need to be pushed, let’s say my survival instinct needs to be activated. I don’t have the energy or courage to start living life.
Courage is the word. That's the one fundamental quality that most of us on sites like this lack. (without meaning to be rude, obviously) We have to find that within us if we want to change anything.

I was just listening to an excellent program - quite by accident as I often wake up very early and listen to the radio as a distraction. It was of a now quite elderly scientist speaking about a range of different topics. And it struck me while he was speaking that what's enabled him to live normally - and do all the research etc that he's done - is a complete lack of self-doubt, anxiety, and downright fear. The same things that have always held me back actually. Something I'd very much like to change though.
 
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