Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 20 of 34 Posts

·
trying to heal
Joined
·
100 Posts
well... sometimes it feels good to just dont give a damn, cause if we have somebody, we will be expecting things from them, like how they treat us or what they should say...so...if we dont have someone we wont get dissapointed at all cause we wouldnt be expecting anything. But...i feel like having friends n ur family its good because its nice to feel like someone cares n its nice to have someone who you can joke around n laugh once in a while. I have your same attitude but with having a boyfriend, I always say 'I dont need a bf to be happy, I'm happy like this' and i just got to the point where i believe it, but i think that has pushed away any opportunity to have a relationship and guess what... I dont care if i have pushed away any opporunities LOL, someday I'll have someone who will understand me n have patience with me so no rush with that. So my advice is to at least be with ur family n have some friends, but let anything push u away from ur goal and if u need help dont be afraid to ask for it.

Take care ;-)
 

·
The empty one
Joined
·
83 Posts
I try not to let people see how I really feel or how little I feel for them, but my lack of enthusiasm in my voice or general indifference in a conversation usually tips them off. I would like to say I'm a capable and self sufficient person but I depend on my mother for a lot of simple and complicated things. As far as other people go such as friends and other family members, I don't ask for anything from them mostly because I severed that relationship.

In regards to your father and his attitude about needing others, I wouldn't write of his opinion so casually. As much of a hindrance it is to rely on others sometimes having those connections can help in other parts of life like getting a better job because you know someone in the field or maybe getting something at a cheaper price because someone works in that business.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,401 Posts
I used to think I didn't need anyone-it started in middle school when my brother would ask why don't you have any friends? I would always say I don't want any, I don't need any, but by late middle school/early high school, I realized that I was just pretending-I did want friends but I guess it just felt less lonely/hurtful if I said I was choosing not to have friends.

I still have no friends and my other younger brother asks me about why I have no friends and he asks, when you were in atlanta for school did you make any friends, I say "no" in as calm and laidback of a way as I can because I hate the subject of my having no friends brought up and I've told him not to mention it but since he's a little kid, he still brings it up. Everytime he brings it up, I say, I don't know or leave me alone, cuz I don't want to talk about it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,673 Posts
I think i do pretend that i don't need anyone but i feel vunerable and really lonely. For me it's easier to feel this way than having to deal with people and friends who would possibly betray me. I don't want to be like this for ever, i would like a girlfriend.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,331 Posts
I think on some level we really don't need anyone, but it sure feels good when you do let yourself need someone and they let themselves need you back.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
643 Posts
I used to pretend I didn't need anyone. I even pushed people away. Now that I"m all alone I realize that I do need people. If anything just to feel human. No matter how bad SA makes us want to be alone I still think it is natural for people to need others.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
850 Posts
i dont pretend i really dont need anyone. im truly a lone wolf. if every one on the planet suddenly disappeared i could easily adapt and live out the rest of my life and stay sane and probably somewhat happy at the same time.
 

·
Digimon Loyalist
Joined
·
2,031 Posts
I always have a mask pretending I don't need anyone but the truth is we all need social interaction. Human beings are inherently social animals. I hate it when my parents or older sister ask me why I don't have any friends. I find it almost condescending and feel like I'm being talked down to like a child. In response, I nod and try to change the subject showing the outside that the lack of friendships doesn't bother me in the least.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
198 Posts
Sometimes I tell myself this, it keeps me from feeling depress or deperate. The thing is that I try to not see friends as a need but instead as something I want badly, the way most people want a better car or home. :p
That way I continue to put effort in my relationships but at the same time, I don't feel as if my life is incomplete. After all you should be able to live life with work, hobbies, personal interests/something you're passionate about even without friends, friends enhances life, but they don't complete it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,375 Posts
Yes, I've convinced myself I'm gunna be alone forever anyways so I should embrace it. But I also don't expect to get a grip on my panic attack issues, so if you want to get better, you shouldn't pretend to not need anybody because everyone needs someone. If you want to conquer SA, you need to expand your social circle, not contract it. Knowing people who know other people is what successful people take advantage of.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,375 Posts
Because that's what I always do, and I wonder if it's a wise attitude to adopt considering I want to overcome SA.

For example, my father started to inquire why I don't talk to anyone (including to him and all my family members). I told him that, "I don't need anyone and I'm perfectly able to cope on my own."

Him: "Everyone needs someone whether it is friends, family or a partner."

Me: "Trust me, I have done well enough so far and I think that friends or anyone else are going to just be a hindrance."

Him: "now you are just trying to be anti - you were always like that - you never listen to my advice. I promise you, when you will need us (family), and you will in the future, you will come begging for help. But it may be too late by then."

Me: "You never learn, do you? Every time you told me I can't do something I have proved you wrong."

Him: "You will lose if you continue with this attitude."

Me: "maybe, maybe not, only time will tell…"

Now, I don't even think I just pretend to other people - I even convince myself that I don't need any friends because, "well, I'm better than them" (big-headedness at its worse:D), and, "the negatives will eventually outweigh the positives." I know that I'm being untruthful to myself, and I think that you have to be completely honest with yourself if you want to overcome a problem. Because…well, the only person you are cheating here is yourself.

So… do you make other people, or yourself for that matter, think that you just don't give a damn!?
If you know this is a problem, than why are you fighting your dad on it? He's your dad and he's recognized the same problem you're recognizing...you should say "You're right dad, and I need some help to overcome it."
If he's any kind of father, he'll jump at the chance to help you get to where you want to be.
 

·
Still Running
Joined
·
387 Posts
I have to agree with pokeherpro, your Dad may be the one who really knows that you need help. He may be waiting on you to ask rather than trying to butt-in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
I'm a loner, too, and I push friends and acquaintances away. I honestly don't feel like I need friends. I would caution, however, against pushing family away...from life experience I can say, you never know when you may actually need them. You never know when you may end up without a roof over your head or food to eat. I'm not saying you should try to be BFFs with your parents, but don't burn those bridges completely...I think your dad is right.

For me, it's an extraordinary effort to maintain relationships with people...but family is worth it.
 

·
Space Cadet
Joined
·
2,458 Posts
Because that's what I always do, and I wonder if it's a wise attitude to adopt considering I want to overcome SA.

For example, my father started to inquire why I don't talk to anyone (including to him and all my family members). I told him that, "I don't need anyone and I'm perfectly able to cope on my own."

Him: "Everyone needs someone whether it is friends, family or a partner."

Me: "Trust me, I have done well enough so far and I think that friends or anyone else are going to just be a hindrance."

Him: "now you are just trying to be anti - you were always like that - you never listen to my advice. I promise you, when you will need us (family), and you will in the future, you will come begging for help. But it may be too late by then."

Me: "You never learn, do you? Every time you told me I can't do something I have proved you wrong."

Him: "You will lose if you continue with this attitude."

Me: "maybe, maybe not, only time will tell…"

Now, I don't even think I just pretend to other people - I even convince myself that I don't need any friends because, "well, I'm better than them" (big-headedness at its worse:D), and, "the negatives will eventually outweigh the positives." I know that I'm being untruthful to myself, and I think that you have to be completely honest with yourself if you want to overcome a problem. Because…well, the only person you are cheating here is yourself.

So… do you make other people, or yourself for that matter, think that you just don't give a damn!?
Honestly? Your father is right. I thought the same thing, that I didn't need people. That lasted until I went to college away from my family and high school friends, and was truly alone for the first time in my life.

Nothing can show you just how much you need people until you get back from a long day of work or classes, and come back home to......an empty house.

It can be a lot more depressing than you expect. Believe me, I've been there. I would heed your father's advice.
 

·
SAS Member
Joined
·
14,410 Posts
i dont pretend i really dont need anyone. im truly a lone wolf. if every one on the planet suddenly disappeared i could easily adapt and live out the rest of my life and stay sane and probably somewhat happy at the same time.
Yep, same here.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,331 Posts
I wouldn't worry too much about it though. I feel like my Dad is my best friend now and this is after when I was a teenager he had me sent me away, I stole irreplaceable things from him, and we actually had a mild physical fight. It sounds like your Dad loves you and you love him. You will become friends before "it's too late". He's just worrying too.
 

·
breaking free
Joined
·
2,171 Posts
There is a difference between needing connections with other people and wanting connections with other people. I truly don't believe anybody needs anyone else to be happy. I can be perfectly happy on my own, doing things I am passionate about. I still don't have any close friends but I have never felt happier in my life. You don't need other people to be happy. Think about all the people that are surrounded by close friends and family, but are still unhappy. The decison to be happy/unhappy rests inside yourself.

I do believe that it is perfectly okay to want connections with other people. Close connections with others can really enhance your life and there is no reason not to want them. I just don't believe it is healthy to believe you "need" these connections to be happy. That is putting your happiness in the power of other people (i.e. it is a huge emotional let down if people reject you). I know I would not want to give other people this much power over me.

I actually believe it will attract more people into your life if you believe that you do not need them. If you believe you need people to be happy, though your actions or words, you will probably come off as clingy and dependent to the other person (i.e. you will need constant reassurance from them in order to be happy). If, however, you still want people and are open to new connections but don't feel like you need people to be happy, people will become attracted to your positive energy.

And trying to cover up the feeling that you need people to be happy will only make the feeling worse. In order to get over this feeling, just admit that you feel this way. Once you admit this, do things in your own life to make you happy. What do you enjoy doing? What kind of things would you like to do in your own life? Once you can be happy on your own and feel that you do not need other people to be happy, other people will be attracted to this. Then you will have the benefit of being both happy and having other positive people in your life.

Sorry if I am rambling. It just took me a long time to discover this on my own, but now it is something I feel really strongly about.
 
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
Top