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I had a roomate-the school quarter ended last week so I don't have one anymore now that I'm back home

but I will have one next year again and thats when I'm gonna need help because the roommate I had this past quarter wasnt so bad-she didnt spend as much time in the room cuz she was this tall blond model(!) who had a busy social life and she had a boyfriend so there was only like about 2 weeks where she slept in the room with me and the rest of the time, we just saw each other sometimes in the room, cuz I also spent a lot of time out of the room avoiding her, but she ended up being nice overall

but since i didn't request anyone specific that I wanted to room with me, I'm gonna be automatically paired up with a freshman(I'm a transfer student entering my junior year) and I know, I just know that I'm gonna get someone bubbly(!) who expects me to show her the ropes and she'll expect to make best friends with me and that is just not gonna happen-and I'm also afraid that there'll be instances where I'm afraid to speak up or stand up for myself since she'll be around more so I'll have to deal with her more....

anyway, how do you deal with roomates, do you share a dorm room like I do, do u have your own room w/in the dorm??...
 

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Just be nice and friendly and don't freak out.

Sounds like you have a good situation. People are usually better 1-on-1.

I'd be worried about having to deal with multiple roommates and them ganging up on you, but you really don't have anything like that.
 

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I had 3 roommates. 1 was super preppy/bubbly/loud mouth and she walked all over me and this other girl. She had no respect for any of our stuff. The other girl was really mean lol. She was obsessed with her boyfriend and I always was kicked out of the room because she would try to bring him in and one time I walked on him shirtless randomly by himself and it was really awkward. I couldn’t handle them and I was not willing to speak up so I went back home after 3 months. I live close to the university so it wasn’t a big deal.

1 roommate is really the best way to go. You just have to not be scared to communicate with them and try to not let them take over everything and walk all over you. If something is bothering you let her know or else there’s going to be drama. Set up rules early like (no boyfriends sleeping over) Be nice and know that that as a freshman, they’ll spend a lot of time in the room until they have their friends sorted out.
 

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I would say instead of trying to avoid and not talk to this girl, why not just be friendly to her and answer her questions if she has any? That doesn't mean you have to be best friends with her because she'll probably see in your personality that you're a more reserved person. You anxiety might calm down as well if you spend more time in your room when she is in there.
 

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i just moved to a new city. and i have a sweet mate.. we share a kitchen..
i havent really talked to her yet.. only hi and like one brief phrase.. and its been a few weeks now..
its really embarassing and i dont know what to do..
i would like to be able to talk but i have a feeling its going to stay like this..
a friend of mine came over and in just a few minutes found out nearly everything about her..
while im like struggling..
he has anxiety problems too.. but hes now taking klonopin and other stuff..
i feel like im avoiding being around her .. in our little kitchen area.. it really sucks
 

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I remember my college roommate. THe only thing that really annoyed me about him was that he would come into the room late, otherwise we pretty much ignored eachother. He moved out after only a couple of months.
 

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I've shared my apartment with a couple of roommates so far, separate rooms though. In the beginning we usually make polite conversation, later on we talk only if necessary. I prefer it that way. If you're lucky enough to live with someone reasonable who you can agree with on some ground rules, shouldn't be too painful. If they have a habit of bringing other people to your space, that can be really upsetting though...
 

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I got this problem in a couple of months. I never really saw my roomates last year but in the last night we had 2 firebells and I really got to know one of my roomates (we were the only two left) and I just wish I'd got to know her more cuz she was really nice!!
Once you get into a routine of avoiding people, it's hard to break out of, so just try and go for it at the start and stick with it. Let her know you're a bit more reserved than she may be at the start. (I'm trying to find a way I can weedle this into the conversation)
 

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yea tell me about it.
ur lucky you got close with the people on your floor. that means something is working in your favor
 

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For a month i lived with my boyfriend and his buddy. When my boyfriend would go to work, i'd pretty much stay in my room all day to avoid talking to his buddy and anyone else who might be at the house. I'd only leave to go to the bathroom and get some quick food. Sad huh? =/
 

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The roommates that always made me feel the most anxious were the ones that made me feel like they were in control of the relationship. Like, if they wanted to hang out with me, I had to, or if they didn't want to hang out with me I might as well just go off in a corner somewhere. Find a way to really convince yourself that you are in charge of your half of the relationship, no more, no less.

So when your roommate pesters you, do you feel tense because you don't know what to say, or because you want her/him to go away? Probably changes day to day, minute to minute, if you are anything like me. If you're in the mood to try to talk, then talking to them is pretty much like talking to anyone (stressful, but nothing new). But if you need to be alone, it's so ridiculously tricky because you both live there. Can't ask her to leave, don't really want to leave yourself, bc when you're anxious you need to feel at home... at home.

Needing time to yourself (even if "to yourself" means your roommate is 5 feet away and you both have to pretend you're alone) is completely reasonable, SA or no, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it (easier said than done though yea?). If you happen to need more alone time than other people, that's just part of what makes you yourself.

If you need to practice or plan ways to politely say, "I need my space," then that is what you should do. Directness was really overwhelming at first, and I relied on white lies a lot. How many times have I left textbooks open on my desk so I could pretend to be busy if my roommate came home suddenly? But after I got to know them I felt more comfortable being more honest. And at that point, we knew each other better, and they got used to my peculiarities and I didn't have to worry so much about offending them even if I didn't try to explain myself.

If you need to stretch the truth, do it with care, don't abuse it. Be truthful to your emotional reaction to the situation: that you have nothing against the roommate, maybe even like her, but right now you just can't talk. It's just the excuse that's different: too busy vs. too anxious. But just becuase you have your excuse ready doesn't mean that you need to use it, bc your roommate may come in with something really interesting to say.

Get to know your needs, and when you need to be firm about it, and when you can compromise to accomodate your roomate.



Wow. Is my advice really "lie to them"? I totally got off track on that one. I meant "You're in charge! If they try to force you to do something you truly don't want to do or don't feel up to at that moment, remember brains over brawn. Practice being nice but firm. And hopefully eventually honest."
 
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