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In my research I keep coming across people with SA saying that they feel superior to others, yet, obviously have *some kind of* self-esteem issues that hinder them from interacting with these same people successfully.
It seems to be a conundrum. If you feel so superior (I'm one of these people with these feelings of superiority), why worry about what these "lowly" people think? I don't know exactly. People have to give me a reason to like them before I will. When I meet someone I automatically dislike/distrust them.
Here are some tentative thoughts of mine on the subject.
Negative past experiences:
People have wronged you, bullied you, stabbed you in the back, made fun of you, talked behind your back, made hurtful comments, etc.
Starting out as a young child, perhaps you were trusting? And then during school years, one negative experience after another taught you that sometime (or most times?) you have to be WARY of people. "They're probably going to screw me over anyway" - wouldn't really be a high motivation to want to be around new people.
Intelligence does not reign:
You've seen them: complete idiots. They're everywhere. People with SA tend to be more reflective, thoughtful, introspective - and this type of personality would lend its self to thinking before you speak and act, being a reader or a researcher or a thinker in your vast amounts of 'alone time' - and mainly just pondering the world around us on a consistent basis. This is not the case for some people. They have different problems than we do, sure - but perhaps they don't act in an entirely civilized or intelligent manner most of the time. Being so different from us (and perhaps, especially the happy, outgoing ones) being something that we ourselves wish WE could be (ignorance is bliss) we hold a resentment. Easily annoyed. Aggravated. Frustrated at these morons who go about their day not knowing their *** from a hole in the ground. I want to be around people like me - not people who have 3 brain cells and are proud of it - and so what's the motivation to go socializing with them? Nada.
Falsely inflated ego:
One day you're feeling intelligent, witty, good-looking, superior - the next day (or the next minute??) you feel stupid, bland, ugly and inferior. Yet nothing has changed in your surroundings. Does this sound familiar? TRUE self-esteem does not have such wildly varying degrees, it's a more self-assured constant in ones life, not inflating Monday and deflating Tuesday for seemingly no reason. I believe (these are all just *my personal opinions from my life experiences, nothing more nothing less*) that someone with these ebbs and flows of superiority/inferiority is suffering from the fact that there is an actual lack of self-esteem, and we try to make up for it by having narcissistic tendencies, touting our own self up - only to come crashing down when hit with a realization or two, and then back to the cycle again.
If I'm doing it, they must be too -- "Do not judge lest ye be judged":
I admit it. I judge people. I think "Man he/she is ugly/skinny/fat/hideous/trashy-looking/snobby-looking, stupid/boring/inept, etc."
I look down my nose on many people. I shouldn't. It just happens naturally. And I think....if I'm doing all this judging, others around me must be doing the same to me. I'd better not leave the house!!
Lastly, comments can create havoc:
People have a wonderful ability at STATING THE OBVIOUS. This is what started my SA. I was 5'-7" and 100 pounds through middle/high school. People loved, and I do mean loved, to point that out. "Gosh, you're soooooo skinny!"
"You need some meat on them bones!" "Are you anorexic???" "Crack baby!" A lot of the times these comments came from my friends, but most often from associates (classmates).
If there is something about you that you don't like and people CONSTANTLY FREAKING POINT IT OUT you are most likely going to develop a complex about it. Making you afraid of interaction, lest people point out this flaw.
Stating the obvious, either rudely, or done with "innocent inquisitiveness" can bear the same outcome:
"You're soo quiet!"
"Why don't you ever talk?"
"Man, you are soooo tall, you're a giant!"
"You can hula-hoop through a Cheerio!"
"You gained some weight, didn't you?"
"FATTY!"
"You're so short!"
"You're a freakin' midget!"
"Wow, why is your skin so bad all the time?"
"You blush a lot!!"
"Why are you always sweaty?"
"You seem shaky, what's wrong with you?"
Just some examples of random "point-outs" that people may hear a few, or numerous times, and then they get a hang-up about it, and want to avoid people.
This can also lead to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). That's what happened to me. After being sooo skinny for sooo long and being put through hell about it by family, friends, and even strangers in stores - I forced myself to eat until point of nausea. Kind of like reverse anorexia. Now I've gained 30 pounds since then, and am a size 6 and still feel exactly as ashamed of my appearance as I did at a size 0. I feel like people are staring, like they are going to call me anorexic. I can't look in the mirror and see how I truly am, I still see my old body. I live in fear of losing weight.
Someone with the reverse problem may become anorexic or bulimic. Someone with an acne problem may still see a "horrible" face years after the acne has gone away. And etc.
All these are great reasons for generally disliking people and not wanting to associate with them.
I'd love to know your thoughts and any more suggestions as to these strange feelings of superiority/inferiority.
Thanks for reading.
It seems to be a conundrum. If you feel so superior (I'm one of these people with these feelings of superiority), why worry about what these "lowly" people think? I don't know exactly. People have to give me a reason to like them before I will. When I meet someone I automatically dislike/distrust them.
Here are some tentative thoughts of mine on the subject.
Negative past experiences:
People have wronged you, bullied you, stabbed you in the back, made fun of you, talked behind your back, made hurtful comments, etc.
Starting out as a young child, perhaps you were trusting? And then during school years, one negative experience after another taught you that sometime (or most times?) you have to be WARY of people. "They're probably going to screw me over anyway" - wouldn't really be a high motivation to want to be around new people.
Intelligence does not reign:
You've seen them: complete idiots. They're everywhere. People with SA tend to be more reflective, thoughtful, introspective - and this type of personality would lend its self to thinking before you speak and act, being a reader or a researcher or a thinker in your vast amounts of 'alone time' - and mainly just pondering the world around us on a consistent basis. This is not the case for some people. They have different problems than we do, sure - but perhaps they don't act in an entirely civilized or intelligent manner most of the time. Being so different from us (and perhaps, especially the happy, outgoing ones) being something that we ourselves wish WE could be (ignorance is bliss) we hold a resentment. Easily annoyed. Aggravated. Frustrated at these morons who go about their day not knowing their *** from a hole in the ground. I want to be around people like me - not people who have 3 brain cells and are proud of it - and so what's the motivation to go socializing with them? Nada.
Falsely inflated ego:
One day you're feeling intelligent, witty, good-looking, superior - the next day (or the next minute??) you feel stupid, bland, ugly and inferior. Yet nothing has changed in your surroundings. Does this sound familiar? TRUE self-esteem does not have such wildly varying degrees, it's a more self-assured constant in ones life, not inflating Monday and deflating Tuesday for seemingly no reason. I believe (these are all just *my personal opinions from my life experiences, nothing more nothing less*) that someone with these ebbs and flows of superiority/inferiority is suffering from the fact that there is an actual lack of self-esteem, and we try to make up for it by having narcissistic tendencies, touting our own self up - only to come crashing down when hit with a realization or two, and then back to the cycle again.
If I'm doing it, they must be too -- "Do not judge lest ye be judged":
I admit it. I judge people. I think "Man he/she is ugly/skinny/fat/hideous/trashy-looking/snobby-looking, stupid/boring/inept, etc."
I look down my nose on many people. I shouldn't. It just happens naturally. And I think....if I'm doing all this judging, others around me must be doing the same to me. I'd better not leave the house!!
Lastly, comments can create havoc:
People have a wonderful ability at STATING THE OBVIOUS. This is what started my SA. I was 5'-7" and 100 pounds through middle/high school. People loved, and I do mean loved, to point that out. "Gosh, you're soooooo skinny!"
"You need some meat on them bones!" "Are you anorexic???" "Crack baby!" A lot of the times these comments came from my friends, but most often from associates (classmates).
If there is something about you that you don't like and people CONSTANTLY FREAKING POINT IT OUT you are most likely going to develop a complex about it. Making you afraid of interaction, lest people point out this flaw.
Stating the obvious, either rudely, or done with "innocent inquisitiveness" can bear the same outcome:
"You're soo quiet!"
"Why don't you ever talk?"
"Man, you are soooo tall, you're a giant!"
"You can hula-hoop through a Cheerio!"
"You gained some weight, didn't you?"
"FATTY!"
"You're so short!"
"You're a freakin' midget!"
"Wow, why is your skin so bad all the time?"
"You blush a lot!!"
"Why are you always sweaty?"
"You seem shaky, what's wrong with you?"
Just some examples of random "point-outs" that people may hear a few, or numerous times, and then they get a hang-up about it, and want to avoid people.
This can also lead to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). That's what happened to me. After being sooo skinny for sooo long and being put through hell about it by family, friends, and even strangers in stores - I forced myself to eat until point of nausea. Kind of like reverse anorexia. Now I've gained 30 pounds since then, and am a size 6 and still feel exactly as ashamed of my appearance as I did at a size 0. I feel like people are staring, like they are going to call me anorexic. I can't look in the mirror and see how I truly am, I still see my old body. I live in fear of losing weight.
Someone with the reverse problem may become anorexic or bulimic. Someone with an acne problem may still see a "horrible" face years after the acne has gone away. And etc.
All these are great reasons for generally disliking people and not wanting to associate with them.
I'd love to know your thoughts and any more suggestions as to these strange feelings of superiority/inferiority.
Thanks for reading.