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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi.

For all of us SA people who feel disliked or not worthy of love, I'm wondering how much of this is real and how much of it is our imagination.

Lately, especially, I have these feelings. I don't know why they've come on so strong just lately. I'm beginning to think my active imagination is to blame here. If I feel unlikable, then I'm probably acting a certain way that keeps people at a distance, which adds to the feeling of being disliked.

For those of you who feel unloved or disliked, is it because someone actually told you this? Did you notice something? Or, do you think you're imagining it?

Thanks.
 

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Don't want to overgeneralize, but for me specifically, originally being poor, violent trauma, and over-zealous Catholic last-gens had everything to do with it. For all practical purposes, I was/am decent, clean, and some might even describe good looking, yet I was asocial because everything I had to say was bland, sucks, or is negative.

Being underfed had consequences. I was sick all the time. People's small babble caused me headaches, and I grew to hate noise.

Am not a criminal, yet in my mind, I belong in cosmic prison over guilt and perceive that people are consistently fed up with me.

My neices and nephews can't get enough of me however.
 

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I am disliked. Not that I blame anyone for disliking me--I'm alienating, fussy, dull, awkward, not terribly bright, and ferociously difficult to look at. I don't like being around myself, so I can't imagine how awful it must be for other people. Even when I am included in group activities, I drain the fun right out of them. If I knew how to change, I would.

One of the few things in life that brings me any comfort is knowing that however unhappy I am, I deserve for things to be a lot worse.
 

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Yes, and no, I'm not imagining it. I was actually thinking about this (again) earlier today. While few people have said so directly, the treatment I've received from my peers throughout life paints a picture clear enough. Being a frequent subject of bullying, mockery, ridicule, and neglicence on a consistent basis is not something a likeable or desirable person experiences. Keep in mind, this same alienation occurred before I developed SA and actually talked to people, as well as when I attempt to now.

I do believe that some people are inherently repugnant, due to no specific reason, but a variety of factors impossible to fully discern even by the people who despise them. I've seen others lepered in the same way, and felt repulsion for them myself. It's something instinctual. This person belongs at the bottom of the social ladder, and damn them if they even think about climbing it.
 

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Somewhat because I have few real life friends. I have to think it has at least something to do with me.
Yeah, I feel like I don't have any evidence that people could like me. I have plenty of negative experiences with people and not many positive ones, so how could I expect people to like me?
 

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I don't feel disliked so much as unpopular, or uncool. That's also how I've felt my entire life. I feel like most people communicate on a different wavelength.
 

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I don't think I'm disliked by my friends but I do feel they are disappointed in me all the time. I'm always cancelling for birthday parties, dinners, anything. They think I don't care. I wish I could explain it to them but I don't think they would get it.
 

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I'm easy to dislike.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Now that I think of it, I just live and breathe for other people's reactions toward me. If someone (even a stranger) is treating me like I'm worthwhile, then I must be worthwhile and I feel great.

If somebody (again, even a stranger) ignores me or is rude to me, then I feel nervous, alienated from society, and paranoid for the rest of the day. Then those feelings can change my behavior, causing a vicious circle.

Most likely, that is the main explanation for why sometimes I'm doing very well with my SA and feel good about myself and other times not so much. It all has to do with something "out there" and not my inherent feelings of self-worth.

What is the solution to this? I'm the same person day in and day out, but feel different depending on how I'm treated by people I don't even know.
 

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By most, but not all.
 

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Yes I do feel disliked because even those people I thought were my friends whom I met at college (one of which says she has SA so should be able to relate) have left me out, treated me differently for no good reason that I can think of other than my face doesn't fit. I'm always the black sheep that is treated differently regardless of how much effort I make. It's a common theme with me. The more you do for someone the less respect you get, that's what I've discovered over the years anyway.
I think I must have a plague/contagious disease I don't know about.:blank
 

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I don't feel disliked so much as unpopular, or uncool. That's also how I've felt my entire life. I feel like most people communicate on a different wavelength.
I'm pretty much the same.

SA can make you feel uncool I guess.
Just today at work I felt as if one of my younger male colleagues yawning as I approached. Avoiding any lengthy conversation with me. Such a nice young guy too. I've analysed this and come to the conclusion that I actually become a boring talkaholic with people who are also shy. It's as if it's my chance to shine. So I become what I hate in others. And the tone of my talk can be quite complaining and gossipy .(another thing I detest in others) No wonder people lose respect for me.
You get 2 shy people together..someone has to take a kind of leadership role in the conversation otherwise sparks are NOT going to fly!Dull! Dull! The problem is that the one who decides to take the leadership role may not be comfortable with it and bores the other.....just as in my case...I've never been a great storyteller..prefer to get to the point....
 

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I'm pretty much the same.

SA can make you feel uncool I guess.
Just today at work I felt as if one of my younger male colleagues yawning as I approached. Avoiding any lengthy conversation with me. Such a nice young guy too. I've analysed this and come to the conclusion that I actually become a boring talkaholic with people who are also shy. It's as if it's my chance to shine. So I become what I hate in others. And the tone of my talk can be quite complaining and gossipy .(another thing I detest in others) No wonder people lose respect for me.
You get 2 shy people together..someone has to take a kind of leadership role in the conversation otherwise sparks are NOT going to fly!Dull! Dull! The problem is that the one who decides to take the leadership role may not be comfortable with it and bores the other.....just as in my case...I've never been a great storyteller..prefer to get to the point....
Hey, me too! I'm also a talkaholic who would otherwise be silent. I'm not just going to sit there and stare at the other person when they have nothing to say, so over the years I've become a veritable small-talk generating machine--which can be a bad thing when the only subject to discuss is office gossip. I feel like I'm always trying to make up for the fact that I have little in common with the other person. Do you think you do the same thing?
 

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Hey, me too! I'm also a talkaholic who would otherwise be silent. I'm not just going to sit there and stare at the other person when they have nothing to say, so over the years I've become a veritable small-talk generating machine--which can be a bad thing when the only subject to discuss is office gossip. I feel like I'm always trying to make up for the fact that I have little in common with the other person. Do you think you do the same thing?
Yes I would.
I wouldn't call myself a 100 %talkaholic , but I feel as I have the responsibility to keep the conversation going to avoid silence..(a western problem). In a way I'm rel;ieved to be with extroverts who take up such a role easily.
 

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I'm pretty much the same.

SA can make you feel uncool I guess.
Just today at work I felt as if one of my younger male colleagues yawning as I approached. Avoiding any lengthy conversation with me. Such a nice young guy too. I've analysed this and come to the conclusion that I actually become a boring talkaholic with people who are also shy. It's as if it's my chance to shine. So I become what I hate in others. And the tone of my talk can be quite complaining and gossipy .(another thing I detest in others) No wonder people lose respect for me.
You get 2 shy people together..someone has to take a kind of leadership role in the conversation otherwise sparks are NOT going to fly!Dull! Dull! The problem is that the one who decides to take the leadership role may not be comfortable with it and bores the other.....just as in my case...I've never been a great storyteller..prefer to get to the point....
I actually get this too from time to time. Considering more lately I feel like an outgoing person in a shy person's body, whenever I'm around someone who is noticeably shy (not very often, since that one notably shy guy is usually me), it's like "Wow, now I'm the talkative one here!". It does feel nice, but I can't help but feel guilty or the once-interesting-now-boring type of person.

A strange shift, I tell ya.
 

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I actually get this too from time to time. Considering more lately I feel like an outgoing person in a shy person's body, whenever I'm around someone who is noticeably shy (not very often, since that one notably shy guy is usually me), it's like "Wow, now I'm the talkative one here!". It does feel nice, but I can't help but feel guilty or the once-interesting-now-boring type of person.

A strange shift, I tell ya.
You hit the nail on the head :yes. Walking that line between introversion and extroversion is an odd feeling, but sometimes it seems necessary to protect the other person. I don't want the other person to feel left out, so I'll try to include them by asking questions and stuff, even if I am being slightly annoying lol.
 

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Usually I just feel ignored by people. But yeah when they pay me any attention I always get the impression they hate having to speak to me.
 

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Do you feel disliked??
No, but I have a fear of being disliked or upsetting others. Part of my SAD stems from this. I don't want to do anything that upsets someone or makes them angry/hate me even though I care very little about others (and sometimes I feel like cracking their skulls-figuratively speaking), at least in comparison to most people.
 
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