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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
immdediately?

I have a good friend who's been away at uni so I haven't seen her in a while and don't see her that much. The thing with her is, she seems very young and naive but has this talent to patronize and I don't think she realises it. I've known her practically my whole life and we very rarely argue.

So I haven't been able to talk to her properly other than over the phone, she came back into town this week and came over so we had a... heart to heart..? You could say. She's the first person I told about this eating disorder I have, which is anxiety related, so up til now she knows I'm dealing with that she knows about the anxiety, that I'm on medication for it, and she knows about the painful breakup I've just been through.

I wanted to talk to her about that, and I tried to explain that the way he had talked about things had made me nervous and uncomfortable and I couldn't trust him. And what he'd talked about with his friends, when I was there, had made me disgusted. It wasn't generic intimate talk, I think it was genuinely disgusting things to say. She was really patronizing, she just looked at me patronizingly and said, these days (these days? She's the same age as me! if anything a little younger!) It's likely he's gonna have been with someone before. I have no problem with that, would be reluctant to hear details but I'd expect that... I'm not living in victorian days and I'm fully ****ing aware of that. What he'd said was disgusting. See this is someone who had told her bf she wouldn't have sex until she's married I think that's blown out with the wind now but it's no reason for her to condesend me, cos I DON'T even think that way. I want, the company, of a man, SO badly. Maybe I blew it.

It's like she was saying things that she should have known I didn't want to hear, I TELL her I don't want to hear that and it's what I'm thinking and beating myself up over anyway and she wouldn't stop. She kept saying how much he must have trusted me to open up to me. WTF? As my friend she should see it from MY perspective. I've seen it from both, and do all the time I can't stop myself thinking, and do everytime I sleep because I can't control my thoughts then. I feel guilty about so much and just sick about it. But think for my own sanity after all that ****, it's healthier to blame him and stop torturing myself. Although sometimes I still do.

I'm really upset with her for talking to me that way and I'm kind of reluctant to see her again. Then she was saying that it's because she knows I'm sick and can't stand seeing me break down over it. I'm touched by that but it doesn't change what's done. I love her and maybe because we never fight I don't know how to handle it but... I was avoiding talking about it, she asked me to tell her because she said maybe if I don't talk about it it'll just fester, then she made me seem stupid for what I'd said. It pisses me right off. I could only be... slightly... open with her because of all people I thought she'd get it but I'm incredibly insulted by how she acted. Also extremely embarassed. I think I just want some space from her, maybe til I sort my private life out a little. I'm so infuriatingly frustrated with it at the moment. And I can't "help myself" anymore. I should have embraced the chance when I had it.
 

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Yep.
I once told my friend over the phone that I suffered from anxiety.
She was very unsupportitive and said to me 'why do you hate people? I love people!'
I said to her that i liked people too but that sometimes I feel anxious in social situations.
I regretted telling her cause basically she didn't give a **** about me and could'nt care less about my problem.
 

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Same over here.

I think the problem probably is that I think absolutely everything about a situation through thoroughly and completely before I talk to anyone about it. So when I talk to the person, they tell me everything I already know, and I wind up hating them for it. :/
 

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herp derp
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I don't think I've ever opened up to anyone - I find it extremely hard to trust people. I'm more of the type that likes to bottle things up inside and tuck it away somewhere.
I think if I ever were to talk about some of the stuff in my life, tears will probably start to fall uncontrollably from my eyes because I don't even like to think about it and when you bottle away stuff for so long, to one day think about it, the thoughts and emotions are just kind of overwhelming.
And plus, when you tell people about certain things (SA for example), you can go from being labelled as a "normal person" to someone with "a bit of a problem" hence why I just find it much easier to present myself to the outside world as "normal", regardless of who it is.
 

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never been able to in person with someone.

Managed some stuff online (anonyminity of the internet helped i guess) then just wished i'd kept my mouth shut.
 

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sa challenger
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I've been in similar situations where I really let it go and the person just didn't seem to get it. The problem is, most people don't know what to say. Listening is a good tool. It's very hard to find someone to open up to. I met my best friend in group therapy. We knew everything about each other and had similar issues.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I don't think I've ever opened up to anyone - I find it extremely hard to trust people. I'm more of the type that likes to bottle things up inside and tuck it away somewhere.
I think if I ever were to talk about some of the stuff in my life, tears will probably start to fall uncontrollably from my eyes because I don't even like to think about it and when you bottle away stuff for so long, to one day think about it, the thoughts and emotions are just kind of overwhelming.
And plus, when you tell people about certain things (SA for example), you can go from being labelled as a "normal person" to someone with "a bit of a problem" hence why I just find it much easier to present myself to the outside world as "normal", regardless of who it is.
Me too, I'd much rather bottle things up. It's just got to a point where it's physically damaging me. I normally bottle things up and try to appear as "normal" as possible that's why I'm so pissed off. With her. Also with me. And I'm SO tired of being upset.
 

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Time Lord
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yep
sometimes I get very ballsy over the internet, and start blurting out stuff
sometimes I only regret the things for a while, before realizing that it was really for the best
it usually depends on how the person takes it
...I have often found they just seem to ignor it...
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I'm impressed that you sound to me like you have a detailed understanding of your own thoughts and feelings about this pretty quickly. I can sometimes take years to revisit a memory and wonder what happened while I was unfeeling and confused.
Thank you. Yeah I don't expect people to understand me really which is I guess a whole part of SA but it's just a little bit frustrating and embarassing. Because now I just feel so ashamed and see myself avoiding her for a long time. I wish I'd said nothing, I hate when people lure you into a false sense of security.

IThinkIAmMe I always regret things I post on the internet too, EVERYTHING I say on here.
 

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Done with SA
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Yep.
And I never tell them anything 'open' again.
I haven't had many run-ins with this, but when it happens, it seriously takes a long time for me to ever even think about seriously opening up to them again, if I ever do.
 

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Gentle Impulsion
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YES
I told one of my good friends I thought I could trust with this that I was bi... he said he almost didn't want to me my friend...

That sucked. =/
 

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Yes, I have. That isn't going to stop me from trying in the future though...but I rarely get the chance because I always hesitate.

And when I DO open up and start trying to initiate a conversation with someone they suddenly become the quiet one and don't respond much. Even though they never shut up around everyone else...people seem to succeed in making others open up to them with less than 1/8 of the effort that I use! WTF!? So frustrating.
 

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Painfully Shy Guy
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Delicate:
Quote: I always regret things I post on the internet too, EVERYTHING I say on here.

Please don't let this discourage you from posting in this forum if you think it might help, even a little. Sometimes it does help to vent even if it just stirs up the same recurring thoughts. Everyone on here, me especially, has probabley felt misunderstood a lot.

Other than the little bit I say on here, I also am very reticent to talk about my private fears and misgivings to people, even the people I am close too. I wear my suit of armor and act stoic in public even though I'm weeping on the inside constantly.
 

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Shift Happens
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I think if I ever were to talk about some of the stuff in my life, tears will probably start to fall uncontrollably from my eyes because I don't even like to think about it and when you bottle away stuff for so long, to one day think about it, the thoughts and emotions are just kind of overwhelming.
This actually happened to me when i opened up to very close people in my life. I held my feelings in for so long that i couldn't help but shed tears. I was just happy that i didn't have to carry the burden of having sa by myself and that people knew and understood some of the things that i did.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Please don't let this discourage you from posting in this forum if you think it might help, even a little. Sometimes it does help to vent even if it just stirs up the same recurring thoughts. Everyone on here, me especially, has probabley felt misunderstood a lot.

Other than the little bit I say on here, I also am very reticent to talk about my private fears and misgivings to people, even the people I am close too. I wear my suit of armor and act stoic in public even though I'm weeping on the inside constantly.
Oh I still do, thanks though. If anything I say much too much on here. :eek:ops...
The friend I mentioned she'll be moving away again next week so I won't see her for a few more weeks. Maybe that'll be a good thing. I'm sick of people patronizing me without grounds! She told me I need to stop shutting people out. What happens when I let people in? They talk to me like I'm a retarded child and blink condescendingly, speak softly and use my name before saying things like they're being gentle with me. What the ****? I don't want to be a ***** but I've had it. The wall's going right back up and it's not through avoidance it's through self defence. You lose respect when you're open and honest with people.
 

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Can't say I have. Well.. other than my mother. But for the most part what I've regretted most is being afraid of opening up to people.
 

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I work hard not to open up really, not until I really know someone. I can kind of visualise it like a cliff face that occasionally crumbles into the sea of social activity.
 

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Reading this has made me realise I've told very few people. Very few in person, at least. I think I'm just too anxious about people understanding so I don't tell them what the real problem is.
 

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Existence is purpose
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Yes,
I opened up to my brother and told him way too much about a month ago, although he was empathetic etc while on the phone to me when the conversation had ended I regretted it so much.I haven't talked to him since either and that has only emphasised my regret, I feel like now he thinks i'm a freak and a weirdo and just not worth it.
 
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