[Eyeok]

Sorry didn’t realize the @ was cut off. Also Idk if I’m an extrovert or an introvert. I don’t really have thoughts. But people “like” me as soon as they meet me so I’m placed in lots of social settings. Sorry even I feel I’m bullsh*tting but I really don’t know what’s real or if I’m real.

 

[Smitten*kitten]

This is going to sound really stupid, I know, but it's something I can't ever remember not feeling. Do you ever feel like you're not a real person? Like obviously you have thoughts and feelings and whatever and you exist in that sense, but you're somehow not complete and real in the way that other people are? Kind of a sketch outline.

I've seen other people talk about seeing themselves as being a protagonist in their life as if their life were a book, but I tend to feel more like the sidekick of the protagonist in a TV show, or maybe a supporting actress. The person who dips in and out of people's lives rather than having a life myself that people dip in and out of. I mean, life isn't like media anyway so don't take the comparison too seriously, but that's the level of importance I generally feel.

I feel like there's a huge separation/disconnect between the 'self' that's my consciousness and the 'self' that exists in the world, but I don't really feel like either of them is particularly valid.

IDK if any of this even makes sense. I'm pretty sure it all sounds ridiculous.

I'd just really like to hear that somebody out there feels the same way.

Definitely not ridiculous! You put into words something that I feel as well. I've got no advice or wise words regarding this un-real feeling but I am right there with you.

 

[bad baby]

The original post reminds me of a conversation I had with a vulnerable narcissist on some forum, where they described their day-to-day as "experiencing life from a 2nd person perspective". It's a spot-on description of how I experienced life during a particular stage. To me it was more that sense of watching my life head in a direction I didn't want to go, but somehow feeling powerless to stop it, sort of like being in the backseat of a car without a driver.

I probably had (and still have) a somewhat borderline personality organisation. From a subjective pov, I don't know how a healthy person experiences life moment to moment, but I believe they have a more coherent sense of self. Which means more awareness of their own moods and motives. I don't know about others on the spectrum, but for me the "hazy/2nd person" mind space was clouded by avoidance of not wanting to deal with things that might feel emotionally devastating. I've managed to get out of that mode and I feel a lot "clearer" now. Although when I am under stress I still find myself slipping back into that sort of sleepwalking mode. Even now as I'm typing this comment, I'm avoiding doing some thing that I have to 😅 It's so easy and I constantly have to catch myself. I was fully aware of myself being triggered earlier today, and it was the worst feeling. It dredges up a lot of ghosts in the attic and makes me curse the world. It's like a full-scale colour shift, it taints everything. Like something I read once from Geneen Roth about frolicking in an idyllic field in the French countryside and still being totally miserable. But I guess the alternative is going back to hazy 2nd person.

#streamofconsciousnessrambling

 

[Socialmisfits]

I often feel I'm not a person, I mean not a real human being. Because I don't share most emotions that other (normal) people have. I also never feel shocked when something bad happens, I see it as normal. It is life and life is pretty bad most of the time, why would I be shocked at anything that happens?
But I also never had moments of true happiness, like being ecstatic for something, I have never known that. My reaction to everything that happens ( good or bad) is the same.Some vital components in my brain haven't been installed I guess. I need a software update.