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This is going to sound really stupid, I know, but it's something I can't ever remember not feeling. Do you ever feel like you're not a real person? Like obviously you have thoughts and feelings and whatever and you exist in that sense, but you're somehow not complete and real in the way that other people are? Kind of a sketch outline.

I've seen other people talk about seeing themselves as being a protagonist in their life as if their life were a book, but I tend to feel more like the sidekick of the protagonist in a TV show, or maybe a supporting actress. The person who dips in and out of people's lives rather than having a life myself that people dip in and out of. I mean, life isn't like media anyway so don't take the comparison too seriously, but that's the level of importance I generally feel.

I feel like there's a huge separation/disconnect between the 'self' that's my consciousness and the 'self' that exists in the world, but I don't really feel like either of them is particularly valid.

IDK if any of this even makes sense. I'm pretty sure it all sounds ridiculous.

I'd just really like to hear that somebody out there feels the same way.
 

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This was really well written OP and it has described my experiences as well, almost down to the last detail especially when you mentioned your friend. I feel like maybe that's why I no longer have any real close friends is because it almost made me feel worse, because like you said, I felt more like a side-kick, like I didn't really matter anyways. Like I could be any one. I never feel close to myself. I hardly care about anything. It's difficult for me to talk to people because 1) I have nothing to say 2) I have no hobbies that I really care about or am good at and 3) I seriously feel inhuman, unreal.
 

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Perhaps the perception from other people's view on you and your perception about yourself is actually very similar, but the 'signal' is getting lost somewhere and that you interpret it totally different, in essence losing your identity in the process.

This reminds me of a time when I was much younger, and I'd really want to de-attach myself from reality, so sometimes I had this mindset that the world was all an 'act' and that everyone was an actor and I was the one being pranked. That death and all was just a story, oh how I'd wish that were true.
 

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Perhaps the perception from other people's view on you and your perception about yourself is actually very similar, but the 'signal' is getting lost somewhere and that you interpret it totally different, in essence losing your identity in the process.

This reminds me of a time when I was much younger, and I'd really want to de-attach myself from reality, so sometimes I had this mindset that the world was all an 'act' and that everyone was an actor and I was the one being pranked. That death and all was just a story, oh how I'd wish that were true.
I use to think of myself as the actress! That everyone around me didn't know that I was some beautiful famous actress that in another place people thought I was the best thing ever. Sometimes I still do it, when im nervous, I pretend im like Marilyn Monroe waiting to be discovered in the ice cream shop.
 

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Everything seemed sometimes like sort of a dream in the sense that I have no idea where am I in all this mess, I sort of didn't feel my existence in a strong way and it made me to not really see anything beyond just my 'selfless' but most selfish feelings like you called it which were just trying to make other things work but never seeing myself as a part of it which was selfish by making distance between me and anything else.
It felt like seeing a sofa in a friend's house for example but the connection of me sitting on it comfortably didn't really exist, sort of seeing it but not seeing it.
Not seeing any potential in anything.

Too tired to check for grammar mistakes, or if what I wrote make sense in anyway what so ever, I connected those feelings that I had with just not being present in 'now'.
 

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Being in the now is such a difficult thing for people to learn, I think atleast. With the hectic work school family bills whatever it maybe seems like we are always thinking about tomorrow next week ..to truly cherish the moment is so priceless
 

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On here I don't feel real. I'm always surprised when someone confirms my existence.
 

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This is part of why I have issues with my looks, because I don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I don't understand having a face most times, it's so strange to me. It's all so strange that this is how life has happened, it's all so strange that I was forced into this and now must continue on. I don't really have any idea of who I am because I change so much within the day. My face even changes depending on what personality I'm embodying (it's like having different egos based upon circumstance or mood, it almost doesn't feel like the same consciousness) I feel like Peter Sellers, in that way. If you read his quotes, he's probably going to be very relatable ("If you ask me to play myself, I will not know what to do. I do not know who or what I am." "When I look at myself I see a person who strangely lacks what I consider the ingredients for a personality.")

I mostly change based on who I'm with, too. In terms of close friends, who I am with K is totally different from who I am with R which is totally different than C which is totally different than my mom which is all kind of like who I am on here. What's worse is in each ego I'm convinced that is the TRUE one. And it's not a conscious effort, it's genuine in the moment, which is why it's so convincing to my mind. It's also why I have issues with being alive, I don't know how to be a person, a full one. How do you live life and do things if you aren't guaranteed the same consciousness each day? It's hard. It's difficult to explain. It's like the sun, it is the same light but it can cast different shadows or expose different crevices depending on the time of day.

Edit: What's terrible is the coming down from the mood switch, too. If I'm with a friend then I am someone else, but then I'm alone and revert back to my lonely self. It's not the same, it's not at all. With K I'll plan a trip and be excited and feel impulsive and do fun things, but then as soon as I'm alone I'm different. Those plans and that excitement don't feel accessible anymore, I'm not that A I'm a different A, a sad A. Sometimes it makes me cry because I can't handle the change, or the switch. It becomes painful because I feel the high disappear and the sadness take over.

Edit: Since I was a kid I was always able to leave my body, in a way. I still can but I don't like the feeling, it's an odd feeling that causes too much upsetment. And I totally say "I" all the time, no shame.
 

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It's a complicated subject and difficult to explain, but to answer the topic question, at least - "yes".

For me, it may be a result of being uncomfortable with who I am (or not wanting to 'show myself' to the world around me) and because I've been so preoccupied through my life trying to be what I think other people want me to be instead of what/who I am -- that somewhere along the lines, I may have lost myself.

If you were to ask me to describe myself right now, I'd be lost for words because I don't really know myself.

It's like I'm an actor... molding myself according to the needs/wants of the other person in the picture; a mold that varies from person-to-person - all the while suppressing the "me" inside me. And over the years, this has done a number on me to a point where I sometimes don't know what my 'reality' is... who the 'real me' is.

Really disgusted by how many times the OP mentions the words 'I', 'me', and 'feel'. How narcissistic. Gross.
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I...

"I" catch myself doing this too, but it's a personal post - it's allowed.
 

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This is part of why I have issues with my looks, because I don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror
I don't either sometimes. I know what I look like in the sense of I can recognize myself in pictures, but I occasionally get surprised by my appearance in the mirror. I get especially taken aback when I suddenly feel like I'm better or worse looking than I remember being and I don't know what triggers it. The individual features are the same but come together different, I don't know how I could describe it. It's worse any time I'm not sober.
 

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I don't either sometimes. I know what I look like in the sense of I can recognize myself in pictures, but I occasionally get surprised by my appearance in the mirror. I get especially taken aback when I suddenly feel like I'm better or worse looking than I remember being and I don't know what triggers it. The individual features are the same but come together different, I don't know how I could describe it. It's worse any time I'm not sober.
Pictures especially. Like, who is that girl, I think. We can never really see ourselves. Only reflections and photos.
 

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I sometimes feel like this too, although not quite as severely. Mostly in times when I'm really anxious, like at school or when talking to people that make me feel anxious. A disconnect happens between me, my actions, and my surroundings. It's like I lose my identity. And most of the time, I feel like I don't have a big one anyway. Like with each person I communicate with, I act differently. With some I'm more energetic than others, some bring out my sense of humour, etc. Sometimes, I feel like my identity depends on the circumstances I'm put in. Kind of like that whole carried by a tide feeling, that I don't have control over a situation even if I'm doing actions that influence it. Makes it difficult to give myself credit for things at times. Sometimes I think about how I can't believe that out of all the 7 billion people on the world, that I'm me, that I have the characteristics that I do, and that I wake up in this same consciousness every day. It's like a feeling of questioning reality.
Don't worry about the "I" usage. I did not even notice it until you pointed it out and it's not bad at all. :)
 

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I can't shed any light on the Depersonalization angle, but as far as feeling different to others, this might be some comfort:

 

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No, I never felt I am not real. Numb and empty, yes.

If you haven't exaggerated what you wrote in there, that realy doesn't seem like SA. As others have already mentioned, dissociation is the first thing coming to mind. I have been talking to someone at some point and the person was telling me about having moments when there were doubts about being real, the people around are real, the things happening are real or this whole world being real. It would appear after moments of high distress and last for an unknown period of time. The person would not really know when the episode was over. There was a dettachment of any sort of feelings while in that state, which gave the individual a sense of relief. That was one of the clues things aren't as before that moment. Dissociation was viewed as a blessing. Problem is, it is not. Resorting to it very often, is damaging.
 
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