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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I’m wondering if you all struggle with continuous thoughts of remembering what people have said or done to you in the past?? Does it keep you defensive or angry or even just depleted??

I’ve struggled with this for as long as I can remember, if I’m not obsessing about what people have said or done to me, then I’m thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done. Then I start obsessing about what I should’ve said or done back. It’s shocking rumination that’s controlling my life and I hate it
 

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alien monk
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I think about it sometimes but not that much.
 

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Loathed Loiterer
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Nowadays, I think I've just been too desensitized and/or just more of focused with other stressors in life which I am gradually having more and more of.

Although just a few days ago, I was talking to 2 coworkers when I asked one of them how old her husband was which was very relevant to the conversation. She simply told me and didn't mind one bit or reacted weird one bit. No awkwardness or anything. But the other coworker instantly cringe her expression at my question and gave an unsettling smirk. I noticed it but I didn't really think much of it. But throughout the evening, I kept thinking back to it again and again.

Although stuff my mom says/texts to me on a constant basis, it still gets to me nowadays. She has said a lot of horrible and hurtful things to me growing up. As a kid, we take those much more heavily and it affects us.
 
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Yes. Do you find it usually happens when you are in some sort of life transition or change?
 

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Not really. I used to. Mostly I just have them filed away as examples of what happens when you're too vulnerable. Most of the rotten things that really hurt me at the time were things that were said when I was very young and/or inexperienced and people were taking cheap shots at me because they wanted to elevate themselves in the social hierarchy and I was a convenient target. I was naïve but not stupid and generally got the message almost immediately. Which of course is not great because such things tend to happen in front of a whole bunch of other people when you're that young.

But yeah. These days, not so much. I am jaded as far as that goes. I know how nasty people can be and I'm really for them and just brush them off mostly.
 

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Yes, it's one of the biggest obstacles I have to going forward. I cannot make friends out of fear of what will happen in the event I meet those friends or in the event the situation turns negative when I meet them. I always think about negative things that have been said to me and constantly associate the negative with physical surroundings where i thought about the negative memory, not even just the places where the negative memory took place. It's awful.
 

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In the past? No. I barely think about the past at all. I never ruminate about what I've done or should have done differently or what people have done to me.

Do I worry about what people will say/do to me in the future? Yes. I predict all kinds of hostile and violent scenarios and dwell on them obsessively.
 

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Negative thoughts of what people have said and done in the past pop up for me ever now and then. A lot of the time it happens when I'm trying to relax or listening to music.

Even worse, sometimes it's the stuff I've said or done while I was drunk and being a jerk will resurface. I think I need to heal the past and maybe it won't interfere with my SA so much.
 

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Sometimes more recent things, like the way my old boss used to treat me, will pop up and make me angry at myself for tolerating it. But I struggle more with frequent recollections of hurtful things I've done or said to other people in the past, to be honest. I am just basically fueled by shame in general, I think. lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Sometimes more recent things, like the way my old boss used to treat me, will pop up and make me angry at myself for tolerating it. But I struggle more with frequent recollections of hurtful things I've done or said to other people in the past, to be honest. I am just basically fueled by shame in general, I think. lol
Yeah I feel that way too sometimes
 

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For me it’s pretty constant
Interesting. I asked because I have found that when my self-esteem is high, and I feel powerful and in control of my life, I don't spend any time thinking of regrets and past events. But when my self-esteem is low and I feel weak, and my life feels chaotic, I will spend a lot of time thinking about "that one time" I froze during a presentation or when I didn't assert myself in a situation, etc. If you can remember a time when you weren't plagued by your mental affliction, maybe you can determine what was your state of mind at the time, life situation. See if there is anything useful there that can help you today.
 

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As a kid, I think I was conditioned to believe what was said to me all the time: Are you that dumb?! Are you really that stupid?!
I don't know why. I think it was a dark time for my family that they focused on the easy target, me. Things change, time moves on, and the very people who said those things to me are the best I could ask for. Unfortunately, the wounds are still there. As a kid, we all had accidents such as spilling the juice, or forgetting to take the frozen chicken out of the freezer. Mistakes. Simple mistakes. For me, they were a disaster. I'd spill some juice = Why did you do that?! Clean it up! You can't even hold your cup right! Or those damn soda 12 packs with the weak cardboard handles from back in the day, would rip and about 3 sodas would burst = You don't have to throw things just because your mad! I can't even trust you to carry anything in! Now, I'm 34 and I beat myself up for making mistakes. I always think someone, like a coworker, is criticizing me and snickering about me. It gets to the point that I go to the bathroom all the time and just stay there for several minutes. Or i stop the overthinking by listening to horror stories from youtube on my earbuds while i work. I've had 12 jobs in 11 years. Most was temp jobs. Some I quit because I really felt that I was being targeted for being clumsy, for being overweight, for being too quiet,.... well, for being me. Did I talk to my employers? No. Why? Would they really understand? I don't know. How could I describe it? "Yeah I can't come into work today because I am still feeling like crap from what happened yesterday." Yeah, not a good enough excuse to miss work. It sucks.
I'm finding ways to help me divert the memories of those horrible words. I just wish I found these ways sooner, rather than being told over and over again that "it happens to everyone". How we perceive what people say to us doesn't get easier, but the way we react to them does. I still wish I could've done some things differently. I wish I could've said something. I still think about the past a lot. You're not alone. Glad I found this forum to finally know that :) Blessed be.
 

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Not at all. Only if I know they have my best interests at heart (e.g. close friends and family) - everyone always has something to say but it doesn't always mean it's right. It's not bad to reflect on it in the moment, especially if it's a wake up call for something. But otherwise, learning to let things pass is important x
 

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This is a major problem of mine. I tend to think about the past and get depressed.

I will remember the microaggressions and disrespect I've experienced.

The pathetic thing is that I don't have other things to focus on so I think about the past.
 
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