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For those of you in relationships, I was wondering how much support and understanding do you get from your OH?

Supportive wise my other half is fantastic, she'll phone places up when i can't, she'll go into the shops I can't, take things back to the shops if there's something wrong with them etc, etc.

Leaving me to do nothing.

That is part of the problem, the more I rely on her the less i do, which in one way makes my life easier as I'm not as stressed and frustrated but on the other hand I get stressed and frustrated thinking I'll never get better unless I do it and try.

Which brings me to another point, if being able to do stuff makes you better if you keep doing it, then how come I'm not better now from the time I spent single I did a lot more on my own but unlike wha the councillers said, it DID'NT get easier?


I must admit, my wife undrstands the anxiety quite well and does realize that there is stuff i can't do. It's just a damn pity I can't get her to undrstand how the depression affects me:no

Paul
 

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He's pretty fantastic...he's not SA, but he's not exactly a social butterfly either. I only realised when we started talking properly how lonely he really was. So he understands isolation even if he doesn't understand the freaking out.

He doesn't let me off things just because of SA though. Like he'll make me ask for things in shops and stuff. I usually get a bit upset when he does but I think it's helped, actually. It's just awful at the time. And he does do this annoying thing at times where he thinks I'm avoiding something so he makes me do it (I asked him to ask about me taking Art at the school just because he goes there so it'll save me the walk. But he thinks I'm making him do it because I'm too scared to myself - also true, but not the point - so he refuses. Which means I need to get up and get dressed and find time to walk up there and...grrr. He won't believe me.) And he's a bit awkward when I'm feeling really awful and start to cry for no reason - not that I blame him. I just think we understand each other well, so if he is a bit awkward in reacting to my lunacy then I can forgive it because I know he forgives me for being generally strange. We make sense in our own bizarre way.

I don't know what I'll do if he leaves me.

Maybe you should mention it to her and let her know that you really appreciate her helping, but if she could let you try to do the horrible, scary bit for yourself sometimes? You can always have her there to jump in if she can see it's getting too much for you. It's always easier to talk things through.
 

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He always listens to me sympathetically when I want to rant, which I think is the main thing he does for me. He wants to help, wants me to be happy and would probably do anything I ask, though I value my independence to highly to have him do much for me.

He doesn't really understand SA, which is not totally his fault: I get hugely embarrased and upset talking about it so I've never explained properly. If he were perfect he'd have gone away and looked it up, but no-one's perfect, and his imperfection is not always being terribly perceptive.

Which brings me to another point, if being able to do stuff makes you better if you keep doing it, then how come I'm not better now from the time I spent single I did a lot more on my own but unlike wha the councillers said, it DID'NT get easier?
I'm not sure about that one. You would think that being "let off the hook" would make a person lazy and be bad for them, and yet, as you say, forcing yourself to do things doesn't nescessarily make them easier, or make you better. I ignored my anxiety for years as best I could, did my best to imitate a non-anxious person, and it didn't make me better. I think you've got to push yourself in the right way, or maybe as part of CBT. I think I must have been doing it wrong. Maybe.
 

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My boyfriends much more social than I am so he doesn't always understand why I don't want to go to parties or why I don't speak up when we're with large groups of people!
 

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I just ended a relationship because my boyfriend does not support me when it comes to social situations. It's been going on for a few years now and I can't take it anymore. He has a big family and tjey have a lot of social gatherings and I am an only child with a very small family. He doesn't even want to try to understand, all he does is makes fun of my inabilty to speak up in social situations. I get him very mad when I freeze up and act nervous when we are out in public....I get him so mad that he grabbed me and spit in my face of Friday night. He has a bigger problem than i do.....
 

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I just ended a relationship because my boyfriend does not support me when it comes to social situations. It's been going on for a few years now and I can't take it anymore. He has a big family and tjey have a lot of social gatherings and I am an only child with a very small family. He doesn't even want to try to understand, all he does is makes fun of my inabilty to speak up in social situations. I get him very mad when I freeze up and act nervous when we are out in public....I get him so mad that he grabbed me and spit in my face of Friday night. He has a bigger problem than i do.....
mly, i read your post in another thread a few days ago, and i recognize how much it must take to break up with him. i hope you are okay.
 
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