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I am a 31 yr old woman from India living in NYC.I recently found out I am pregnant and instead of being very happy(we were planning for a baby) I am regretting my SA which stopped me from having any fun in my 20's and I pity my husband who is totally normal.
Here is my story.Please tell me what you think.
Got married and moved to California from India 6 yrs ago.We lived in Cali for 3 yrs and most times I avoided going out, making friends etc.The few friends we did make we did not do much together.It was more like I met them once inawhile whereas I hardly allowed group outings.It so happened that during our few group outings I hardly ever spoke.I used to be so shy and stick out like a sore thumb.I hardly knew what to say when everyone was jabbering away.The last yr when we were in Cali my husband made a few friends to play some sport with(poor guy must have been fed up of my SA)and I ended up befriending their wives and the last yr in Cali was kinda better.
I regret that I did not go out much.Had so many opportunities I passed.California was so beautiful and there was so much we could have done.I regret everything.
After this we moved to Purdue for my husband's graduate program and again I was soooo shy to meet people.They had happy hour every thrusday and they had so many fun parties every now and then but I missed each one bcoz I thot I would be judged.I have very low self esteem and I feel I am not as good as others.I also have a halitosis problem and that adds to a lot of my discomfort especially in parties etc...
I ended up spending the 2 yrs with him not mingling much with huge crowds.We had a couple of good friends who we met here and there, a few bachelor friends as well..toward the end of his Masters I befriended a girl who was pretty nice but again same old issue-in groups I was shy and had nothing to say.
Now I am in NY and its my sixth yr in US..I spent the last almost one year not making friends and hubby too feels lonely at times as its just the 2 of us during weekends.I now found out about my pregnancy and am suddenly realizing everything I missed out while not pregnant.I wish I had enoyed every moment of my life without a baby in the last 6 yrs.I wish I had gone out more, knew more people,made lasting friends.
I never call old friends as well so am slowly losing touch with everyone.I have a few that will always remain close but they now live far far away.
I miss those times and I feel bad for my husband.After the baby anyway its going to be just us and the baby as we wont be able to go out that much.We dont have family closeby to pitch in as well.

I must add that I was always extremely shy and aware of what I said even as a kid.I was a shy,lonely kid in school.In college I became better but always avoided socials.

I think I am going to love this forum as I have a place to vent where others will understand.

What do you think? Do you think I have a horrid case of SA or am I just plain shy, have low self-esteem and above all lazy to form friendships and maintain them?

I look forward to your answers,
Thanks,
Shy girl
 

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Hey girlinyellow, welcome to :sas
 

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NYC and pregnant is the best

Hi. I just joined this today and want to tell you that the years that my child was growing up were the best they could be. In NYC, if UR pregnant, go to the "new mommy" classes at the 92nd st Y and you will meet many other moms. Also there are a million playgroups preschools, etc., where you do mommy and me things with your baby. My "baby" is 14 now and doing things off on her own and I am lonely again and only feel comfortable going many place and doing many things with her. But this is going to be wonderful for you. UR in the best place if UR suffering with sad and having a baby.
 

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Welcome, GirlInYellow! :)
 
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