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Discussion Starter #1
It's a copy paste of a message I wrote in another thread in the medication forum.

Today after a strong anger burst during which I broke one of my chairs, I made a search online and found out about borderline personality disorder and I am amazed at how well it describes my problems. I have long suspected that I have other disorders than only SA and depression because my SA is light and for whatever reason my life is a mess and some of my behaviors are weird and do not fall completly into the realm of SA. I thought about ADHD because I am inattentive but BPD seems to be a closer fit.

- I have this strong and chronic feeling/fear of being abandoned, even when I am well surrounded. I am needy even if I try hard to hide it.
- I have very strong emotional swings, with burst of anger/sadness/anxiety that can be triggered easily. I am not bipolar since I never had mania or even hypomania but my mood and confidence are very unstable.
- I have a very weak and volatile sense of identity: I have often trouble knowing what I like and want, I have often made radical change in my career projects, even my tastes and values can change easily. that is one of the thing that has confused me the most and I am surprised to see it is a listed symptom of a disorder. I don't know what I want to do with my life and it is very distressing and causes me shame. I feel really empty and without a self.
- I can act impulsively (breaking objects, self harming, heavy drinking...). I am very often violent and very hostile while drunk.
- I have suicidal thoughts even if to this point I never really had the intention to kill myself.
- When I am very stressed and frustrated, for example after a frustrating social interactions, my mind can become to be overwhelmed and I need to isolate because I become kind of disconnected, like if it was a modified state of reality, my mind becomes kind of foggy and it's hard to make clear sentences. I don't forget what I do or anything but still in this state I can hardly function and usually end up crying/breaking things/rolling on the floor to let the pressure go.
- I can have slightly paranoid thoughts, even if I am aware they are not realist (I am not schizophrenic). For example, this morning my mother called during my anger outburst and she was crying but would not tell me why, so after the call I wonder for a moment if she wasn't spying me by some mean. I knew it was stupid and not true but couldn't prevent myself to think about it.

Also, not significant but interesting, I saw that the parts of the brain involved in BPD were the same as those of epilepsy. Well my two brothers are epileptic, while I am not. And there is no past history of epilepsy in my family. My psychiatrist told me it is very weird. Could be totally unrelated but still it is intriguing.

What do you think ?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
It would be very hard to self diagnose. A lot of people have a lot of traits from personality disorders.
I don't have some traits of BPD, I have all of them. All of those listed in the DSM. Anyway I am not self diagnosing, I 'm just asking inputs. That's not the kind of disorder most pdoc will think about by themselves so it is useful to get some knowledge.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
A.
Borderline Personality Disorder
The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits. To diagnose borderline personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:
1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Markedly impoverished, poorly developed, or unstable self-image, often associated with excessive self-criticism; chronic feelings of emptiness; dissociative states under stress. YES

b. Self-direction: Instability in goals, aspirations, values, or career plans. YES

AND
2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others associated with interpersonal hypersensitivity (i.e., prone to feel slighted or insulted); perceptions of others selectively biased toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities. YES
b. Intimacy: Intense, unstable, and conflicted close relationships, marked by mistrust, neediness, and anxious preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment; close relationships often viewed in extremes of idealization and devaluation and alternating between over involvement and withdrawal. YES
B. Pathological personality traits in the following domains:
1. Negative Affectivity, characterized by:
a. Emotional lability: Unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes; emotions that are easily aroused, intense, and/or out of proportion to events and circumstances. YES
b. Anxiousness: Intense feelings of nervousness, tenseness, or panic, often in reaction to interpersonal stresses; worry about the negative effects of past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities; feeling fearful, apprehensive, or threatened by uncertainty; fears of falling apart or losing control. YES
c. Separation insecurity: Fears of rejection by - and/or separation from - significant others, associated with fears of excessive dependency and complete loss of autonomy. YES
d. Depressivity: Frequent feelings of being down, miserable, and/or hopeless; difficulty recovering from such moods; pessimism about the future; pervasive shame; feeling of inferior self-worth; thoughts of suicide and suicidal behavior. YES
2. Disinhibition, characterized by:
a. Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing or following plans; a sense of urgency and self-harming behavior under emotional distress. YES
b. Risk taking: Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard to consequences; lack of concern for one's limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger. Not really except self harming and binge drinking (which is risky since I often end up violent; I have been both at the hospital and at the police station because of alcohol). Ridiculously risky behaviors while drunk.

3. Antagonism, characterized by:
a. Hostility: Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults. YES

C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations. YES

D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual's developmental stage or socio-cultural environment. YES (=not better understood)

E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma). YES (=not explained by substance use)

 

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I'm not a believer in a diagnosis, but they do help to give words to your concerns. Do you feel like you're making progress with your current course?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I'm not a believer in a diagnosis, but they do help to give words to your concerns. Do you feel like you're making progress with your current course?
I feel like I am getting worse. I have now trouble keeping up with my studies and see less and less sense in my life despite having tried various antidepressants and seen several psychiatrists. Suicide is not yet something I want to do but it seems more and more like an horizon as I am unable to see any future for me in that state.

That is why I am trying to find the most accurate diagnosis possible so I can know what is the best course of action. If I have borderline personality it means that classic CBT for SA is maybe not enough. On a pharmacological level it may mean that I may get benefits from antipsyshotics. Maybe it would help with the anger and weird racing thoughts. Antidepressants never took away the urge to self harm/to break things/to be violent.
 

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A lot of people have trouble with medication. My son found one that was helpful by researching medications online and talking to people on forums who used them. I'm not sure if he stayed on the medication, but he's doing really well right now. He had a lot of trouble with a lot of medications.

Do you feel like your psychiatrist is receptive to your concern?

My feeling is it's good to read the diagnosis because it helps you communicate better with a psychiatrist. If you are discussing symptoms here, it makes me concerned that you can't talk to your psychiatrist.
 
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