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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've suspected I have bipolar disorder for a very short time now. I've read up on it a bit, but I haven't learned too much about it. My question is, do I have it? Or is this something else?

I have emotional highs, usually in the mornings. I feel bulletproof, excited to go to work, excited about doing things, whether they're work-related or personal projects. My outlook on life is good and I feel a lot of love. I want to talk to people. There's no one around me that I know, but I'm usually texting up a frenzy during that time. I smile more. I'm more self-confident. I want to make social plans. I want to listen to crazy upbeat music.

Then, of course, I come down. I feel blah and tired. I don't really want to talk. I doubt myself and I doubt how people think of me. I feel like no one really cares. I just want to be by myself (which is weird, since I'm an extreme extrovert). I put on the slow, depressing music. I feel less excited. I get that feeling of depression, and nothing seems right anymore.

When I go from high to low, I feel that sensation of going down a roller coaster where you leave your stomach behind, but not quite as quick or extreme.

This isn't a severe low. I can still function. I'm not bedridden or suicidal. I can go to work and carry on. I can hide it usually. I'm just...down. Depressed. I know the moment I came down today. The time was 8:22, but I don't know if it's the same time each day. I only thought to check the time today. The weird thing is I can usually pinpoint the thought when I switch from up to down (always a thought, never an event; it always comes from within my brain). From my understanding, people with bipolar disorder don't really know what brings them down. Or maybe I'm mixing that with depression, which could be something I have instead (not sure). But I can (usually) say, "Okay, that's the thought. Here's where my high ends." I don't know what gets me excited in the morning, but usually when I'm brought down, it stays that way for the rest of the day. I'll come back up a bit, but I'm never back to my early-morning high. When I'm hanging out with people, I rarely feel the effects of being down, but sometimes.

If you want some more info, please ask and I can elaborate. I can tell you what the thought/realization is that brings me down each day. Just thought if I include it here, this post would be tl;dnr stuff.

My doctor suspects I have a learning disability (which might be ADHD; she doesn't know yet), if that makes any difference.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I should also add that, yes, over the last couple months, I've lost interest in doing some of the things I used to enjoy. During my highs, I'd love to do those things. But when I come down, I don't feel like it anymore. Unfortunately, my highs never happen at a time where I'm able to do these things.
 

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I'm the same way! My high is in the morning and I tell myself how I'm going to work out today, clean around my house, I talk a lot to my family and I just feel really happy and optimistic even though nothing out of the usual has happened. When I am in this mood I do feel a bit of a buzz - I don't really know else to explain it. Maybe i'm just not used to feeling happy. (I don't think I have depression but if I do its only because of my SA.) But then as soon as 2-4 o clock rolls around I literally cry because I know I'm not feeling my high anymore. I just feel sad and lethargic. Like you, I don't usually get this when I'm around others or doing something out in public.
I've tried to research this as much as possible but I can't really find a clear explanation. I've found things related to blood sugar issues like hypoglycemia and caffeine crashes but I've stopped drinking coffee and it didn't help.

By the way, I don't know if your doctor was implying ADHD has something to do with this but I do have it.
 

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It is not my place to say wether you are bipolar or not, but I can guarantee that everyone goes through highs and lows in life. I also experience extreme mood changes throughout the day. Do you know of there is an actual reason why your mood suddenly shifts, or is it random? To me it sounds like you might be suffering from depression. Defiantly get professional help so they can properly diagnose you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
xbre said:
But then as soon as 2-4 o clock rolls around I literally cry because I know I'm not feeling my high anymore. I just feel sad and lethargic
Wow. Yours lasts until 2-4? Mine goes until around the end of my morning commute. Then I just wish everything in my life is different: my job, my family, my city. It's almost like I've gotten bored of things and then, in place of where I felt happy, I just got sad instead. Maybe I just didn't notice how sad I was because everything else was new and exciting.

sammy555 said:
It is not my place to say wether you are bipolar or not, but I can guarantee that everyone goes through highs and lows in life. I also experience extreme mood changes throughout the day. Do you know of there is an actual reason why your mood suddenly shifts, or is it random? To me it sounds like you might be suffering from depression. Defiantly get professional help so they can properly diagnose you
I don't know. I thought depression was a thing where you didn't necessarily know why you were sad. You were just sad. Maybe I think I know what's making me sad, but it's really not the cause? I'm getting some help, but it's a slow process right now. I just finished seeing my doctor, and they said all the medication they tried on me didn't help and what I have might be something else. So now I have to go back to a psychologist for more testing. But I ran out of psych testing on my health plan, so I have to wait for another fiscal year before I can find out more.
 
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