Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 40 Posts

·
neurotic to the bone
Joined
·
1,434 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm wondering if girls like to see just a little bit of jealousy from their bf. I'm not talking over exaggerated, high blood pressure jealousy, just a bit. I don't know what it is, but it seems like some women get upset when their bf/husband/whatever doesn't care if she is being hit on by another guy, or feel threatened by other men. Is it because girls like to feel wanted?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
8,077 Posts
I don't know.

But I've fought long and hard not to feel jealous. Because of how the game of life is played and how this whole system works. I don't own a girl, and she's free to leave any time she wishes, for whatever reason.

If I ever felt threatened by another guy he must be fairly impressive, and if he wins her over, well, he deserves her. Because he won and that's how life is played. Hats off to the person that can best me.
 

·
neurotic to the bone
Joined
·
1,434 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I don't know.

But I've fought long and hard not to feel jealous. Because of how the game of life is played and how this whole system works. I don't own a girl, and she's free to leave any time she wishes, for whatever reason.

If I ever felt threatened by another guy he must be fairly impressive, and if he wins her over, well, he deserves her. Because he won and that's how life is played. Hats off to the person that can best me.
I can see where you're coming from with this. It's hard to keep this perspective when you've developed strong feelings for someone though.

they want to see a lot and i think that makes them really sexy
I don't understand
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
8,077 Posts
It's a possession thing, I think. Which is why I work hard to quell it. It can be tough, but if you can sift through and separate your selfish need to have her and your genuine want for her her to be happy you'll be better off for it.

You can have very strong feelings for someone and not feel the least bit jealous when they go out with another guy. It's certainly possible, I've done it.

The point is to not bring any expectations or judgments to the table about how things should be and focus on what is. Not many things are worse than feeling stuck in a relationship you don't want to be in, or constantly worrying about whether you're going to hurt your significant other because of something you may say.

There's a security with it. What's the point to feeling jealous, anyway? If she wants to be with you, she'll be with you, and if she doesn't want to be with you, she shouldn't have to be with you. It's that simple.
 

·
ugly ****
Joined
·
7,763 Posts
I can see where you're coming from with this. It's hard to keep this perspective when you've developed strong feelings for someone though.

I don't understand
if your gf is jealous that you were looking at other women how would that make you feel? unless you're married or you're not attracted to her, you'd feel important and getting the attention, and thats just how male feels like, females want like 10 times more attention than male do so yea they love make their bfs jealous.

and it's actually such a silly and childish thing to do if you think about it thats why i said it's cute, hope i explained
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,532 Posts
If you are not willing to fight to keep us then we will go away. It is not about jealousy. If a guy hits on me and my bf doesn't care then it shows he is ok with people convincing me to leave him. And I would leave him to simply because he thinks I will stay which is just not true. You cant lose you game. Or I will leave because he doesn't care if I leave.
However, I am the kind of girl will will be hit on but won't say I have a bf. I rather reject him cause I don't want him instead of saying "I have to reject you because I have a bf".
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
If you are not willing to fight to keep us then we will go away. It is not about jealousy.
Or maybe you should be in a relationship because *you* like the guy and not because you want the guy to be possessive just to prop up your own ego.

However, I am the kind of girl will will be hit on but won't say I have a bf. I rather reject him cause I don't want him instead of saying "I have to reject you because I have a bf".
So the relationship means nothing, you are just with your bf because all of suitors are guys that you "don't want"? :no

Eventually you will be hit on by a guy that is acceptable or even better than your bf? What then? It's this kind of attitude that guys should learn to recognize and run before they get roped in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,532 Posts
Or maybe you should be in a relationship because *you* like the guy and not because you want the guy to be possessive just to prop up your own ego.

So the relationship means nothing, you are just with your bf because all of suitors are guys that you "don't want"? :no
Of course I like the guy. That is a duh part of a relationship. Let us be very clear. There is a difference between caring if guys are trying to take your girl and jealousy. Jealousy is when if a guy asks for directions your bf flips out. Caring is if you guys go to the bar and a guy buys me a drink. My bf would most likely than not say sorry but I can buy her drinks.

I choose to reject a guy based on the fact that I don't want him. He isn't good enough for me. Not he isnt good enough to take me from my bf. I hate it when a girl like a guys but says no I won't date you because I have a bf. Then the only thing the guy hears is yes i like you and i would totally date you but I have a bf, fix that. I rather reject the guy based on the fact I don't want him. Key word is REJECT not stay with. I stay with my bf because I care about him. I consider staying with a guy and rejecting a guy two things that should not correspond with each other.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
8,077 Posts
Why not? You just got a free drink. Sounds like a win to me.

The only legitimate reason I feel my girlfriend would leave me is if there's some guy who is superior to me waiting there. In which case she better go get him, because he must be a pretty damn cool guy.

But a girl that leaves just because I'm not jealous isn't the kind of girl I would consider dating, so there's that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,532 Posts
Why not? You just got a free drink. Sounds like a win to me.

The only legitimate reason I feel my girlfriend would leave me is if there's some guy who is superior to me waiting there. In which case she better go get him, because he must be a pretty damn cool guy.

But a girl that leaves just because I'm not jealous isn't the kind of girl I would consider dating, so there's that.
Ok, here is a perfect example, So my ex, he would have girls who liked him and would personally tell me that they would snatch him away from me. You know what I said? Good luck. You know what happened? He got upset with me because I didn't feel threatened enough to get on the defensive. No matter the gender, if you just let people come and go without a fight are you really trying? you know the phrase, "If you care enough about it you will fight for it". Well don't you usually care enough about your other? Jealousy doesn't equal caring. jealously is bad juju. If I fought to keep him and he still left than there is no harm done. I am not jealous but I fought for what I thought was important to keep. If a girl comes up to a guy and says hi etc. I should't just sit there and think oh hell its done. poop. Whatever happened to trying? To try means to fight for what you want. Not physically, I don't agree with assault, but try to keep his attention.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,403 Posts
I'm sure there are many men and women who want to see a lot of jealously from their partner, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing. It stems from insecurities and I don't think it should be encouraged.

To what extent of jealousy are we talking about here anyway? If someone is harassing your partner and shamelessly hitting on them, of course you should assist in standing up for them and making it known that the attention is unwanted. But I don't want to play games where I'm a bad boyfriend if I don't care that a girlfriend's best friend is a male, or if she's going out with a bunch of girl friends and they'll likely encounter other males trying to hit on them. Is it not sexy to trust a partner now? :stu
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,857 Posts
i think girls like to know that their bfs care enough about them to not want to lose them to another guy... but i dont know if that counts as jealousy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,133 Posts
Jealousy screams insecurity to me, and leaves a foul taste in my mouth, whether it is slight or extreme.

I don't think it is a gender thing at all, I believe it is a maturity thing.
 

·
I just dropped in...
Joined
·
892 Posts
I don't think women really care about what men think or feel. That's why it's considered manly to have no emotions and to never want to talk about your feelings. It's a turn off. Girls want to tell you how they feel, not the other way around.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,425 Posts
people probably like partners who mirror them. If a girl is jealous, she probably feels better if her boyfriend is the same. If a girl is super secure and not jealous she'd probably find it annoying. That said standing up for someone is not necessarily due to jealousy, I like when my friends are protective of me, and would want the same from a partner. I'm a grownup but its good to know someone has my back, ya know?
 

·
neurotic to the bone
Joined
·
1,434 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
If you are not willing to fight to keep us then we will go away. It is not about jealousy. If a guy hits on me and my bf doesn't care then it shows he is ok with people convincing me to leave him. And I would leave him to simply because he thinks I will stay which is just not true. You cant lose you game. Or I will leave because he doesn't care if I leave.
However, I am the kind of girl will will be hit on but won't say I have a bf. I rather reject him cause I don't want him instead of saying "I have to reject you because I have a bf".
What you said about not willing to fight I guess was the direction I was trying to go. You explained it better though. Maybe it is the fact that girls want their bf to fight for them. But where do we draw the line between this and being needy and insecure?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
8,077 Posts
I hate to point this out, but arnie's assessment was in fact spot on.

She's using jealousy to artificially prop up her own ego. It makes her feel desirable, especially if things escalate into conflict.

It doesn't matter what I do or not if my girl is approached by a guy. The notion I have fight for her is somewhat silly. I'll continue treating her the same way I've been treating her, it's not like I should start treating her better if some other guy threatens me (which is a sign of insecurity anyway).

Besides that she's a person and she can handle herself. If she wants to feel owned she's probably not worth the effort.

Now I'd clearly step in if things got way out of hand and she was clearly out of her league (like some guy actually grabs her wrist to keep her from leaving). So I do care, it's not like I'd sit back and let some bully have his way with someone I love.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,532 Posts
What you said about not willing to fight I guess was the direction I was trying to go. You explained it better though. Maybe it is the fact that girls want their bf to fight for them. But where do we draw the line between this and being needy and insecure?
I personally draw the line to where you go after the girl by belittling her or assaulting her. Also, if you have resentment or anger towards your spouse. If they are loyal and the girl gets the memo by being polite then there is no issue. No need to brawl. Jealousy eats you alive and ruins the relationship. Perfect example, I went to Carls jr to get breakfast for me and my bf and this guy asked me to come back to get drinks with him. I said no thank you and left. Well my bf wanted a burger so we went back. The guy kept looking at me and my bf went up to him and punched him. I was not turned on considering I was flirting with my bf. My bf was so consumed in this guy looking at me that he didn't even notice I was trying to get him to lay me down.
 

·
Greenmail
Joined
·
4,205 Posts
I think a little bit of jealousy and possessiveness is attractive. Depends on how it is expressed. Someone should not fight other people because they are jealous. Simply advise this person that she is taken/ show some signs of 'hey this is my Gf' rather than doing nothing and saying nothing about it (unattractive).
 
1 - 20 of 40 Posts
Top