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♛♚♝♞♟♜♚&
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't think I do anymore.

It would be nice to have a nice set of close friends, and by nice I mean convenient. But I just don't have that want anymore...I'm here all the time (which is not completely good) and I feel this is all the "socialising" (whatever that is) I need to do, if any.

To be honest, I guess I like people, I mean I don't dislike them. I am kind and courteous to others too. The only people I like are young children before they get all bratty and learn to talk etc. because they're what I consider real people, they put their feelings first and are honest, I like that quality in them. I'm not like that. I'm not interested in people my age and above. I'm not interested in myself.

I just have little interest in establishing long-term relationships of any kind with people (this may sound strange for those of you obsessed with finding love etc.).
*Though, I feel part of leading a good life is learning to love and appreciate others,. It's just that I don't feel like doing that with people in real life - of course, I like people here :)

^ Is this bad of me? Are there people who, like me, could not care much if they ended up "alone" (again, whatever that is) forever? Or is everyone here fixated with living the conventional family orientated say hello to your neighbour invite the Jones over for tea life?

If any of you have read Frankenstein, then you'll know what I mean when I say I feel like Victor Frankenstein right now.
 

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A lot of people don't have time for 'real friends' in modern life and friendships tend to be superficial. Friendships when you're younger are a lot more meaningful generally speaking.
 

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waiting to bloom
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Yes, especially because I want to see what's like. Relationships, I mean. I've had friendships, those are nice, but I want to know what it's like to have a girlfriend.
 

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When I make friends - well I don't actually make friends by myself - I tend to make very long lasting ones. Two of whom I know since kindergarten. The rest more than 10 years. I push people away who try to make friends with me. They give up. And probebly think I'm very arrogant.

One a girl tried to befriend me and suggested to hang out. (She already was in a relationship.) Anyway I just freaked out blurted out my number really ****ing fast, to fast for her to actually wright it down and I just walked out of the room at a fast pace. I was helping a friend - her roommate at the time. **** got weird. She removed me from facebook. I actually like her though... **** my life.
 

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♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
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I would like just one or two friends IRL. I don't want a huge social life or anything, cripes, I can barely even handle myself. :afr It just took me this long to realize this. So this is why when people here complain about failing to achieve a "social circle," I find it so odd. I don't even want a social circle! Too much work!

So I don't think I'm in QUITE the same place of "not-wanting" as you are, but my expectations have dropped pretty low, and to be honest I'm not sure how well I'd handle even ONE friend IRL in my current life circumstances, so I think I know where you're coming from at least.

Maybe if making/keeping friends wasn't so much hassle I'd be more interested. :?
 

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i feel kind of similarly. like i am not seeking or hoping forclose friends in the short-term like the ones i used to have in real life anymore. if i acquired some in a natural effortless way i would embrace that, and i want to be friendly and i am not aiming to reject nice people or be indifferent when someone nice talks to me for whatever reason, but i am happy / content / occupied enough to not feel empty without having close friends. it's not just places like SAS on the internet where i can post things, but it's a lot of passive but usually at least somewhat purposeful reading on the internet that keeps me feeling okay i think.

yeah and i don't really think about the long-term picture of what my life might be like or what i might want or how i might feel...
 

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I went through a phase like that also!

But for me, it's different now. I can make friends, but have no idea how to make them long lasting. Most of my friendships are what people would consider just acquaintances.

If people see me at work, they would think my co- workers and I were friends. But the only time I "hang- out" with them is during work hours. And it's the same with friends from class. I mean all we do it hang out after class while we wait for our next class to start.

I don't know if it's me because I have developed a fear of losing close friends like I have in the past.

I don't personally think not having long- lasting friendships is a bad thing. I practically lived the majority of my teens and now my college life like that. I feel as long as you are happy with your current position, don't mess with it. People are different.

But it is nice to have at least one long- lasting/ close friendship!
 

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Friendships require some comfort trust intimacy and connection. Since I tend to feel fearful and fake,i don't feel connected to people so it's hard to feel like I have real friendships. Lol even when I had friends I didn't feel connected to them. So I do want them but more than anything I want to feel comfy enough with myself that friendships come easily and organically.
 

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An intimate partner, 1 close friend and internet is more than enough social interaction. I have all 3. Sometimes even that is too much/tiring. Now, if only I was super-rich so I didn't have to work, I'd be in heaven.
 

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I feel that way as well. I'd rather be by myself most of the time and I haven't even seen most of my friends in over two years. I never really feel lonely except when I want to go out in public. And I really don't want a boyfriend because I feel like it would be too much work.
 

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Yes, I'm hopeful yet realistic. Friends will be carefully chosen, like a "special someone." I can't connect with the overwhelming majority of people I've met. I just want to meet one other person I can call a friend.
 

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I like having them and doing things. Would hate if I lost all of them. Also dont mind meeting new people but I have my main friends that I talk is like 4 people, then I have other friends that I get along with when we go out but were not like talk to eachother all the time and text friends, then the even more extended and barely see friends that I met up at parties every now and again. I could do without most but the 4 main ones I dont want to lose
 

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electric
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I feel part of leading a good life is learning to love and appreciate others,. It's just that I don't feel like doing that with people in real life
That's me exactly. I try to keep it simple mostly and just go with what feels the best. If no matter how I cut it intellectually I can't find the feeling in me of being interested in hanging out with someone, then am I really that sure I'm wrong?

I don't know what I want. The way I think sometimes I wonder if I just don't want to be a person. What brings me joy is thinking, calculating, working, processing, learning, understanding, exploring, seeing, building. I don't feel a comparable joy shooting the **** with anyone, so why should I? It only confuses me. I'm lonely, but there is a disconnect between that and what I've just said that I cannot bridge emotionally. Does that make sense? I can't feel across the divide between those sentiments. I can't integrate them. That fact fills me with so much despair and undercuts my belief in myself. I feel fragmented. :stu So, there's that, but I try to live the best I can with it. :)
 

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Surviving...
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Hmmm. It's not like I don't want try and create any friendships or relationships with anyone, but I'm just sick of the work I feel I have to do in order to connect with someone. For a few of my past friendships people came to them and wanted to be friends with them , with me, I have to usually make the effort to establish a friendship with anyone.

Now after all that work, most of my friends abandoned me after my depression was too much for them to deal with anymore. So, I mean, I think it's worthwhile to try again, I just really can't at this time as I feel like I haven't gotten much better and right now in my mind, it's not worth the risk to open myself up to someone new and get hurt again.
 

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Hmm, well, whatever works for you. If you're content/happy that way, then I guess it doesn't matter.

I've felt like that before. I didn't really care about maintaining any of my relationships and would avoid most social interaction. After feeling that way for a while, I thought it was my normal temperament but I realized that wasn't really me after the depression lifted.

I can't say the same thing now, not at all. Meaningful, real life relationships are important to me. Lately, I've been fantasizing about being a dependable friend in the future, where my friends have the key to my place, can invite themselves over whenever, etc. Only a close-knit group, though, of around four/five people, I'd say. I'm far from family-oriented, though. I have no intentions of ever getting married or having children... That hasn't changed in over two years.
 

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It would have been nice to have a group of small, close friends that can hang out with you everyday do things that you wanted to do and share the joy together.
 

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Hmmm. It's not like I don't want try and create any friendships or relationships with anyone, but I'm just sick of the work I feel I have to do in order to connect with someone. For a few of my past friendships people came to them and wanted to be friends with them , with me, I have to usually make the effort to establish a friendship with anyone.

Now after all that work, most of my friends abandoned me after my depression was too much for them to deal with anymore. So, I mean, I think it's worthwhile to try again, I just really can't at this time as I feel like I haven't gotten much better and right now in my mind, it's not worth the risk to open myself up to someone new and get hurt again.
I share a lot of these sentiments. Except I DO have people approach me (online, at least) for friendship, but it almost never works out, usually because we don't have much in common and I'm just not that interested in putting all this work into a friendship I'm just not that invested in. In turn, this tends to make other people angry and resentful, and then that just makes me even more leery of trying to make friends or of opening myself up, lest somebody approach and I not really want to be friends and I offend yet another person. :sigh

I'm learning that the hard way on this forum and it has me really on edge about keeping myself open to friendship, to the point that I'm starting to close myself off again. I do want friends, but it's just so much work, and so much drama, and it's just so draining, at my current point in life I don't think I'd make a very good friend in return unless the other party is ridiculously patient. And it's really not that fair to ask that of somebody else.

I have to provide "disclaimers" to anybody who shows interest in me that I'm just not that reliable and not so good to depend on.
 

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I don't care about getting friends, but I really want a girlfriend. That's all I need. I'm okay with getting regular friends if it happens, but I'm not seeking it out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Thank you all for your responses, they are very much appreciated :)
 
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