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I'm taking summer classes, mini semester (5 weeks). I took this class, Speech online, it has assignments, exams, and two or three speeches on video. I did the introduction video, very shy, but I did it. This week I supposed to record another video, but the teaches asked us to have audience. I'm not a friendly person, but, besides the audience I just couldn't record my speech. I think it sounds like I just didn't want to do it, but honestly, I don't feel comfortable doing it, it stresses myself a lot, just by thinking about doing it, it depresses me. All the time I feel judged, one of the reasons I don't feel comfortable being close to my father because I think I'm a deception for him.

Do you remember Elliot Rodger? My situation is like his, only that I believe that there's a hell, and I'm not as rich as him. Besides, I wouldn't ever kill innocent people.

I went to doctor, he gave me meds, these and those. Didn't work for me. Last time he suggested me Abilify. But I read lots of bad reviews about that medicine. One of its side effects is weight increase. I'm dealing with obesity, 10-20 more lbs and I'd kill myself... So I won't get that medicine. I remember it was even hard to visit a doctor, today I'm interested on finding a helping group with the same problems as mine. But it is going to be hard I guess. I have no motivation for nothing. For real, all what I want is to finish my degree, but I'm afraid of failing this class. I have dropped speech two times, this is my third time. I have doing well on exams and assignments. But the speeches weight a lot. However, I'm tired, I'm even shy to go to liquor store, but I plan to go and buy lot of alcohol, that helps for a while. Or if you have some medication suggestion? I have heard Adderall is cool, but I don't know how to ask for it to the doctor.
 
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