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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, while things are improving for me, and I'm starting to be a LOT more hopeful I can get out of this.

I've had a pretty serious level of SAD, to the point where I isolated for years, currently have **** all social connection - maybe 3 people I'm still tight with, and WAS suffering pretty bad depression - which I'm now much better with.

I am 29 years old, and will be 30 in September, which I'm ****ing dreading a little to be honest... as there's a lot of social pressure to have lots of people to celebrate your 30th with.... (you "should" have gathered a pretty decent group of friends by now, if you're "normal" - Hey, I know on some level this is BS, but it's pretty strongly conditioned)

Anyway, to my question, did you guys have a really tough and traumatic childhood?

I mean, it's my theory that basically the greater the trauma we go through + lack of good support when we are young, the longer and harder it is to overcome, as it's more deeply ingrained.

Personally, 2 dysfunctional parents (1 alcoholic) and a pretty bad case of bullying in my primary school years screwed me up pretty well, and I think that's why my SAD was/is as bad as it is.

I think there's definitely differing levels of how badly "SAD" manifests, and how much it becomes ingrained in one's personality, and I think for some people, it's not as intense, and so they can get over it faster (like late teens, 20s, whatever...)

This is just my phillosophy, but interested in hearing your thoughts...

Cheers guys,

Nick
 

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Yes, somewhat similar to yours (and hope not too much info):
* One-arm schizophrenic dad didn't drive nor speak coherently and was illiterate. Required day and night attention and clean up detail for over 3 decades of my life.
* Doomsday catholic mother didn't drive and was nearly illiterate.
* Brother ran away from home at age 14
* Welfare

Adult life is so much better for me with money and open highway and not having to go to fukning HS to face the suburban kids.

P.S. as a late 30s person meshelf, don't worry about the "big" 3-Oh. It will come and go quickly and next thing you know you are staring down 4-Oh which is half of 8-Oh.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
sexual abuse 5-12, 3 idiots in total, sucks.
I'm so sorry to hear that man. Some people need to be killed at birth...
 

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Unfortunately, yes had a pretty crappy childhood with a pedophile for a Step father which didn't help me cope with bullying at school and life in general. Its taken me a good 20 yrs to finally put it all behind me and focus on my future as don't want to waste one more moment living in the past.
SA does effect me and I think it will be just be part of me and I am learning to accept me for me. I am awkward around people and don't have many friends but that's ok. I am able to get out and do the basics: shopping, picking my kids up from school and errands etc.

I am like you newbornmind similar in the way I will be celebrating my 40th (wish it could be my 30th! :)) end of this yr and really don't have many friends apart from 2 to invite for my 40th which is a little depressing but thats how it is I suppose. So I will keep it as a family affair and invite my family and 2 friends out for dinner or something small.

Sorry for the long reply...but i agree with you that it doesn't help your SA with no support growing up and I believe I got SA by been abused and controlled and yes, it does come part of some people's personality but thats ok. I actually like being different:)
 

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Yes.

Negative parents who later divorced. My own thoughts were all i had, but i did not manage to save me from the deluge of misery.
 

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I encountered emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, as well as neglect. In my older years I was in a family who hated one another and were not able to communicate even at the most basic levels. My mother married my step dad for money after divorcing my biological father because my sister reported the abuse (not so much reported, more along the lines of believed she was pregnant), and I also witnessed a lifetime of her being blamed and hated. I also had my mother feeding me diet pills at the age of 8, considering she is a nurse it is dually disgusting, which greatly affected my self-esteem.

I'm not able to remember much of my childhood before the age of 6 or so, only bits and pieces of the abuse. I've had severe anxiety since I can remember, and I am thoroughly convinced it was environmental factors rather than biological factors that caused my mental issues.

I've always tried to live by the "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" motto.

OP, "should" "ought" and "must" are terrible words, and I have completely stricken them from my vocabulary! May do everyone well to consider no longer using those negative, accusatory, and resentful terms!
 

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I too was raised in a troubled family...still is. Anyway, aside from the abuse and other problems, one big factor in the persistence of my SA is that such an upbringing robs a person of their resilience and instills them with unhealthy coping skills.

My therapist had a good point: I once told him basically what the OP said (that I might not have developed SA in response to bullying if my family had been healthy and supportive) and he said "No, b/c you probably wouldn't have been bullied if your family had been healthy and supportive."

I always wonder how I would've turned out if my parents had been normal and supportive and did something about the bullies.
that's what they call the $64000 question!
 

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I won't go into details, but I definitely had my share of low-grade ongoing trauma/drama.. I tried some counseling offices, but it had a $50 copay for each sessions.. even when you're fully employed, mental health is among the least covered in various plans.. there needs to be more attention paid to this in public policy..
 

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Childhood and adolescent years were not too good. Rarely spoke in kindergarten. Was slowly coming out of my shell the next few years when at age 11 got pretty bad acne. Took pretty bad abuse from peers calling me "so ugly" all the time. This went on for about four years. The damage was done. Had no emotional support from parents which I feel might have helped. When I look back I realize I was having panic attacks back then and was withdrawing more and more socially. I don't dwell on this but I think it severely damaged my self esteem.
 

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Not sure exactly what you're asking.

Did I always have SA? Yes. I think so.

Did I have a particularly traumatic childhood that could be blamed for my SA? No. Lots of kids have much more traumatic childhoods than I had and they come out OK.
 

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No but having a sensitive predisposition made my older brothers' teasing seem like torture. My interpretation of events now is highly melodramatic with me the hapless victim of sadistic cruelties. Mind you, having my head dunked in the bath for 30 seconds by my brother or being forced to don boxing gloves to be his sparring partner (ie. punching bag :) ), were rather sadistic, come to think of it.
 

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I was bullied for being fat. The baby weight just wouldn't go away until I turned 13. Pretty weird. People made fat jokes about me every day. Then I developed an eating disorder and yes, I lost so much weight. My weight goes up and down so yeah.
 
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