[xyzhousexyz]

I watch A LOT of t/v and I'd see a family show where the parents talk about socializing the child how important it is for a kid to be around other kids and have friends, sleep overs, play dates and so on.
When I was a kid there was NON of this, I would just be home alone (much like now) It would be me and my brother. Just watching tv and playing with toys, no friend over, no sleep overs, not even cousins and stuff like that. I feel this is one of the reasons I am not socialize now, It just never happened. When I graduated from high school I realized how unsocial I was when I would have absolutely nothing to do, and went through horrid depression because of it.
So my question is were you socialized?
Did you have a lot of family, friends around?

 

[gaz]

Not much at all. I spent most of my childhood playing on my own with toys o'r watching tv and playing video games.

 

[Iced Soul]

Nope.
I was always around the few people in my family who live/lived in California.
I think I had one girl over for about 20 minutes once when I was about 9 or 10(this only came about because I begged her for days and days about it and she happened to be off work that day). Otherwise, my mom didn't like me bringing people over, nor could I go anywhere because it was dangerous and she didn't know anyone well enough.
So, therefore, I spent most of my time in the house, alone. My sister was always gone and my mom was at work when I got home until after midnight and I was supposed to be in bed, so I spent most of my childhood and teenage years alone.
My mom never thought to invite neighbor kids over or ask if I could come over. But I've heard her say she wishes she did, but only so I wouldn't be so weird now.

 

[MaidMarian]

My mom would make me go to birthday parties when I was little. Even then I would feel so anxious that I would end up throwing up, which didn't make me a popular party guest

 

[steelmyhead]

My parents tried to set me up with other kids my age and told me they were my friends even though I had nothing in common with them. I didn't go in with preconceived notions of failure though, because I was just a kid after all, but I didn't connect with any of them and I always ended up feeling alienated.

 

[JFmtl]

My parents tried when I was a kid (like under 10 yo) to socialize me (encourage me to talk and play with other kids, etc.) but I was rather resistant to this (I wasn't social at all then, and I didn't see the good of having friends and socializing) , so I think then end up giving up about socializing me... So in the end, I spend most of my childhood and teenage years playing with video games, my own toys, and annoying my sister :sigh

 

[millenniumman75]

Yes, they did, but as usual, I put too much on myself.

 

[Still Waters]

My parents were not social,nor was I encouraged to have friends over. I remember always being amazed at parents that acted as if it was no big deal when their kids had friends over -sort of the more the merrier type. I always wished our home life was relaxed like that-the few times someone came over it was extremely uncomfortable -I just didn't know how to relate to them. The few times I was at someone else's house was also awful,it just didn't feel natural. It didn't help that my siblings were much older so I didn't interact with them either really. It's ironic that years later,my parents would think it odd that I didn't have friends. After little social experience,exactly where would the friends materialize from??

 

[quietgal]

I think my mother focused a lot on socializing me, to the point that I almost became dependent on her to help me make friends with other kids - but I don't think she was very skilled at it, considering she wasn't very social herself. She was always trying to force people on me, and force me on other people. As you grow older of course, you're expected to make friends on your own - I had a really hard time with that.

Once when I was about 12, my mother even told some kids at church that I didn't have any friends. So a group of girls came up to me sitting alone in the church library and said to me "Hey, can we sit with you? We heard you didn't have any friends!" I was so humiliated! I felt like they were just there because my mother wanted them there, and that they were just feeling sorry for me. I never wanted to go back to that church again. I hated having my mom interfering like that with my social life, but I didn't know how to manage on my own.

 

[Jeff]

Prior to the 5th grade, I had a few neighborhood kids I played with. But from the 5th grade on, my world became very isolated. My parents didn't push me to socialize much at all. Perhaps they hoped I would just grow out of it. I guess they just thought I was a loner.

I've often felt that if they had required me to join 'something', 'anything' I would have been much better off.

I know a lot of people on this board are adament that 'pushing' your child can lead to SA. But I wasn't pushed at all, and I feel this is why my SA got so far out of hand. I had no pressure, no guidance, no help. And looking back, I NEEDED somone to push me.

 

[AHolivier]

I was definitely a homebody and still am. I attended church weekly, but for some reason, I just couldn't connect with the other girls, who seemed so pretty and popular and outgoing. I never knew what to say or how to act, and the times I tried to be cool and funny, I came off sounding completely sarcastic and got weird looks.
I remember the youth group held a lock in at church on New Year's Eve, and I isolated myself from everyone. I just remember feeling less nervous when I was by myself with my notebook and my CD player. I recall one girl walking in the room, and then another and another...I guess one of the adults wanted the girls to try to socialize with me, but I could tell they didn't want to. And I don't blame them. It was just me and another staring in silence before she got bored and left the room.

 

[NicoShy]

I watch A LOT of t/v and I'd see a family show where the parents talk about socializing the child how important it is for a kid to be around other kids and have friends, sleep overs, play dates and so on.
When I was a kid there was NON of this, I would just be home alone (much like now) It would be me and my brother. Just watching tv and playing with toys, no friend over, no sleep overs, not even cousins and stuff like that. I feel this is one of the reasons I am not socialize now, It just never happened. When I graduated from high school I realized how unsocial I was when I would have absolutely nothing to do, and went through horrid depression because of it.
So my question is were you socialized?
Did you have a lot of family, friends around?

Same here, I was raised very SHELTERED and I'm bitter for it!

 

[xyzhousexyz]

Prior to the 5th grade, I had a few neighborhood kids I played with. But from the 5th grade on, my world became very isolated. My parents didn't push me to socialize much at all. Perhaps they hoped I would just grow out of it. I guess they just thought I was a loner.

I've often felt that if they had required me to join 'something', 'anything' I would have been much better off.

I know a lot of people on this board are adament that 'pushing' your child can lead to SA. But I wasn't pushed at all, and I feel this is why my SA got so far out of hand. I had no pressure, no guidance, no help. And looking back, I NEEDED someone to push me.

I agree, I was left to my own devices and never put around any kids my own age. When you are a kid its not like you can just go out and meet people, its up to your parents to socialize you. I think it would work, if you start socializing a kid when its like one year old on up. Just always put them around kids their age and reinforce to them that there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

[endtroducing]

Nope, they never included socializing as an important aspect of childhood. Except at family gatherings with old people that I didn't like. bleh. I remember at one point, I "went to school early" just so I could go to my friend's house. THis was in elementary school. Never played with the neighborhood kids. Most of my socializing was done in school at that was it. Just played with my siblings at home.

I think it's mostly a cultural thing, at least for me. My parents are Vietnamese and they didn't like me (as a girl) to go to other people's houses. Apparently its rude. Even now as a college aged 20 year old, they don't like it if I'm out of the house a lot.

 

[KyleThomas]

I watch A LOT of t/v and I'd see a family show where the parents talk about socializing the child how important it is for a kid to be around other kids and have friends, sleep overs, play dates and so on.
When I was a kid there was NON of this, I would just be home alone (much like now) It would be me and my brother. Just watching tv and playing with toys, no friend over, no sleep overs, not even cousins and stuff like that. I feel this is one of the reasons I am not socialize now, It just never happened. When I graduated from high school I realized how unsocial I was when I would have absolutely nothing to do, and went through horrid depression because of it.
So my question is were you socialized?
Did you have a lot of family, friends around?

My parents kept trying to encourage me to make more friends and go out with those friends that I did have, but I kept resisting. It was a battle of wills, and one which I won! Hurrah! :roll

I have a sister, and my cousins are all girls, so there were really no other males of my age within the family for me to socialise with. Perhaps it would have been different if I'd had a brother. Then again, those friends that I did have who had brothers always seemed to be fighting with them. So maybe not.

I was always happiest on my own anyway. When friends would come calling I'd make excuses, and my parents would tell me that if I didn't go out with them, they'd stop calling round. My response to that was to hope it would happen sooner rather than later, so that I could be left in peace to do my own thing.

 

[Vitruvia]

I did have friends as a kid, not heaps, maybe one or two. But I do remember my mother always trying to get me to be more outgoing and force me into activities or force me to play with other kids that I didn't know. I felt really resentful of that. I ended up pushed into things I didn't really want to be doing, and missing out on the things that I did want to be doing. I felt that I was not accepted by my family. That to be me, was not acceptable, I should be someone different.

Also, I don't recall any real conversations with my parents when I was growing up, it was just always me being told what to do, and how I should be. I remember running away from home when I was only about 6 years old because I felt so unhappy and misunderstood.

My parents worked all the time and never had any friends of their own around either. I think this has something to do with my social anxiety as well.

I know I should have gotten over this at my age. Blame doesn't really help. I understand the "why's", just not the "now what do I do about it"?

 

[organicwildroot]

I was pretty close to my family when I was younger. We lived on a farm and we were always running around getting bucked by horses tails and jumping over fences, falling from trees, yadee yadee yah. My parents didn't have any friends. They always came home from work and would talk about people from their work almost as if they had friends but we never had people over for dinner or ever really went out much. I grew up playing with my siblings and some of the neighbor kids, I remember all them like yesterday including their names but haven't seen them in years. I remember my brothers friends being at the house all the time and every now and then me and my sisters friends would come over, I guess the older we got, the more our friends came over to the house but for the most part, we weren't highly socialized or submitted into public a whole lot.

 

[andy1984]

no

 

[Laconic1]

They didn't have to. I was a pretty outgoing kid back then. I always had friends over or spent time at my friends' house. I also did the sleepover and dinner at each other's house thing. Now that I think back on it, I had a pretty full and satisfying social life. *sigh* What the hell happened to me? :rain

 

[PickleNose]

They tried. I simply didn't cooperate.