ok guys give me your thoughts... I am really trying to get to the bottom of this.
typical sas thread: "I am afraid to do xyz because of how people might react to me or think about me or judge me"
typical response: "It's going to be fine, nobody will care or have a problem with you. just do it"
typical follow-up: "y'all were right, I did xyz and got out alive; i'm comfortable doing xyz now."
This type of process (exposure; realizing other people don't bite) is clearly beneficial and has helped me, for one, gain some comfort level at doing social stuff.
BUT ...
I would like to not care one lick about how others see me or think about me. I have a friend who will go up to anyone and say or do anything, and people don't always love him for it, but the fact he acts on his desire without shame or apology I think speaks to his confidence, and allows him to have fun and enjoy himself at will, ie live for himself, not for others. I've found there are very few things in life of which everyone will approve; there will always be haters and criticism, so if you're gonna make progress in any realm you got to be able to take and withstand hostility directed at you.
I think ideally you pick this up in childhood having parents and close friends constantly affirming your virtue as a person. I suffered some bullying as a kid as well as lack of close friendships which may or may not be responsible for my lacking inner confidence. I don't want to rely on the validation of others to provide my self-esteem and worth; I want to own that within myself. 'Cause four people could tell me I'm a good funny guy, but then one jerk laughs at me and makes me feel bad about myself, and I'm back to square one. How have you guys developed lasting, inner confidence?
typical sas thread: "I am afraid to do xyz because of how people might react to me or think about me or judge me"
typical response: "It's going to be fine, nobody will care or have a problem with you. just do it"
typical follow-up: "y'all were right, I did xyz and got out alive; i'm comfortable doing xyz now."
This type of process (exposure; realizing other people don't bite) is clearly beneficial and has helped me, for one, gain some comfort level at doing social stuff.
BUT ...
I would like to not care one lick about how others see me or think about me. I have a friend who will go up to anyone and say or do anything, and people don't always love him for it, but the fact he acts on his desire without shame or apology I think speaks to his confidence, and allows him to have fun and enjoy himself at will, ie live for himself, not for others. I've found there are very few things in life of which everyone will approve; there will always be haters and criticism, so if you're gonna make progress in any realm you got to be able to take and withstand hostility directed at you.
I think ideally you pick this up in childhood having parents and close friends constantly affirming your virtue as a person. I suffered some bullying as a kid as well as lack of close friendships which may or may not be responsible for my lacking inner confidence. I don't want to rely on the validation of others to provide my self-esteem and worth; I want to own that within myself. 'Cause four people could tell me I'm a good funny guy, but then one jerk laughs at me and makes me feel bad about myself, and I'm back to square one. How have you guys developed lasting, inner confidence?