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41 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am a 20-something. Suffered from anxiety first, then depression-my first thoughts of suicide were probably in 1st grade. My mom is an alcoholic-she was abusive-mostly, mentally. My younger sister is mentally disabled with a speech disorder therefore she cannot speak for herself. I remember just trying to protect her from my mom until I finally (and selfishly) left her to live with my dad. My dad wanted custody of both of us but it was a fight to get just me. He agreed to pay her double child support just to have me be able to live with him most of the time. I hated those "every-other-weekends." She was so mean to me. Mean to my sister. I remember telling my daddy I hoped that she died before she came to get me or that by some supernatural force something would kill me so I wouldn't have to go with her. My dad was helpless. He did all he could do. The law is on the side of the mother, no matter what.

I've hated every moment of life that I had to spend with her. My dad eventually worked up to promotion after promotion at work, hired an expensive lawyer, and got full-time custody of me. I was 14. She left me nasty messages on my phone and via email. I lived in hell. I was in terror every moment that she'd come find me. I feel guilty to this day that my sister has to live with her.

When I was in 12th grade, I was dx with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and panic disorder by my GP. He first have me Celexa which helped a little, along with inderal, which did nothing but make my BP low. He referred me to a psych dr. She prescribed a multitude of meds including Zoloft 200-300mg, Risperidone, abilify, Prozac, Remeron, ambien, Klonopin. Around this time, I was given pain medication for some heavy menses and endometriosis. I noticed not only did they work physically-they worked emotionally. I became emotionally happy. Confident. "Ok" to be around people for once in my life. I actually didn't mind getting out of the bed. I felt like tossing all that other psychotic medication in the trash. I didn't know (because I was seriously naive) that drugs were controlled and how addictive PM was. I told my psych dr about it. She told me, it was normal, most people with anxiety and depression like my own responded well to pain meds. So she told me to keep taking it-every day. I trusted her and did. And now I'm addicted. I don't blame her, I should've been more educated and done the research.

I'm seeing a new psych dr now who prescribes me Remeron 15mg, Klonopin .5mgx3/day, Clonidine .2mg day, Lexapro 20mg/day. She tried me on 30mg Lexapro and I began to hallucinate. So we went back down. I gained entirely too much weight with Remeron, felt "fat," became more depressed and decided to stop taking it myself. I've also started taking pain meds again (prescribed for a month until they can do surgery), and it's the only thing that's ever made me feel normal. Why do I feel like this????馃槥 I don't know what to do.

Is there any medicine that acts similar to an opiate medication for depression?
Has anyone with SAD/GAD/MDD ever experienced this?
I feel like a horrible person. I hate having 7-8 pills a day to take. I'm miserable and so upset馃槗. Please help me if you can.

You can do this!
4,464 Posts
What pain meds?
How long did you take them last time, and how long of a break had it been before your most recent round?
What do you mean when you say you were addicted?
What is the clonidine for?
What is your sleep like?
I take it your psych meds, before, were not sufficiently helping out anxiety or depression?

Sorry for all the questions

327 Posts
Well I can't help you but I hope you do ok! I read the whole thing.

Hope somebody can help. Drugs aren't something to be messed with and these doctors don't really care about your well being.
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