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The constant, persistent fear that I could be criticized at any moment while in a social situation, and if I am it would absolutely devastate me emotionally.

Please feel free to elaborate on what you mean.

All I feel I need to concentrate on is getting my mind to the point where I don't care if someone criticizes me negatively. I know that I can't get to this point by thinking that I'll grow out of this someday. I am 28 and have not gotten any better after over a decade of living in this mental prison. How do I do this? After trying various self-help books, meditation, a full battery of psychotropic medications without success, I feel I have finally found the answer. I knew all along it would be the best route to take. But, it was the most feared route. Forced Exposure. This means I work may way up a ladder from my least fears to my worst fears related to SA in controlled, almost daily, at most 90 minutes at a time social experiments undertaken with a different mindset comprised of a CBT type of philosophy that I have read and concentrated on a couple of months before starting the experiments. I feel confident and really ready for the first time in my life to take this on with all my effort because I will not let this disorder take my life from me any longer and I will fight it if it takes until my dying breath. Well, hope you enjoyed my personal pep talk. This is kind of along the lines of what I tell myself when I start to procrastinate. I hope you don't think its corny or whatever (see I care too much about what you guys think).
 

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-Disheartening lack of connectedness on every level.-

elaboration~search for solutions, nothing sticks. 1 step forward 2 steps back. meds not for me, everything else is a temporary fix once i get back into my groove or rut. If i had to describe in one word it would be "mute."

*these emotions and thoughts are extremely subject to change, hourly... w/ my mood(s).
 

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The need to be liked and fear of not being liked which makes me not act in case I cause someone to dislike me for some reason or find out they already don't like me, thus crushing my illusion of being liked by everyone.

elaboration: Ironically I think if I actually did find out someone didn't like me and there was nothing I could do to change it this would cure my SA as I could no longer believe that everyone liked me. If one person already dislikes me, who cares if one more does, or two more, etc.
 

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My mind is so lost and out of place as a result of maladaption to the anxiety, of trying to find so many excuses to live in utter denial of failure and inadequacy in this terrible existence, that I've become lost in myself; I don't even know who I am as an individual anymore; I've lost that "connection" with my "inner-self".
 

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dirt person
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The knowledge that noone could ever love me, and that the only reason people are nice to me is because they don't really know me.


Kya. I need to stay away from threads like this. Negativity²
 

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A constant, persistant and often overwhelming fear that my every move, my every action and my every word (or lack of them) is being scrutinised and judged negatively by everyone around me, that i do not fit in anywhere and never will, which subsequently adds to my feelings of inferiority, anxiety and depression and my already practically non-exsistent self-esteem and self-confidence.
 

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