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It is 2am and I can't sleep again. I am feeling suffocated by the pressures presented in my directionless life, used, and hopeless.

I wish I could talk to someone about this feeling. I have had depression since I was a young teenager, as it runs in my family and I haven't had the skills to deal with stress or loneliness.

Today I am working at a fast food place and backed out of the last couple years of school because I was scared to transfer and move to a new place. I then met a guy who was related to my best and only friend.. and fell hard for him in a few weeks, only to find out that he was dishonest and untrustworthy (after I slept with him, of course). Now the sun is leaving and I am stuck working in fast food everyday with no tangible progress to my main goal of becoming a teacher. I sleep all day... all day except when I go to work. And it really sucks having this "broken" heart, as I feel rejected and used.

Everyone in my life seems to be doing fine. Happy go lucky, hobbies, decent jobs, good relationships. I wish I could talk to someone who feels like theyre going nowhere fast, like me. Maybe we could help each other out?
 

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hey i know how you feel. im depressed as hell. I smile and laugh a crap load to hide my true feelings. im always pissed off at myself and the world. im always dissapointed in the things i do or dont do. I felt like I wasnt doing anything in my life.
So I moved to las vegas to be with my family. but now im just working at stupid albertsons where i get treated like crap. but everyone says hey your the best worker we had in a couple of years. I got offered promotons to only get them taken from me the next day. Im sick and tired of my family. they use me for everything. my mom doesnt know how to communicate. when we were kids (3 of us) she would never want to talk about anything NONE of our problems. which led me my sister and my brother to spread apart and become by ourselves. my brother left for the marines my sister is pissed off at my mom it seems like she dislikes our stepdad. and im really hating the fact that I do everything and I mean everything around the house. Sister doesnt do crap. We hardly talk at all its like living in a prison.

So I decided the only way to escape this is to join the military. Now im in Delayed Entry Program, im just waiting for my ship date to basic. I've lived here for 8 months and I made no friends. and I feel like im forced into this corner. I cant go back to my dad Id feel like a loser. I dont know my future but im just hoping I could just start my own family one day. I never had a girlfriend and it gets me really depressed and down. I know this is the only way out. No one will help me, so let me help myself.

I know how you feel and maybe you know how I feel. I really considered killing myself for the past 5 or so years. Im so messed up I just really need a friend to talk to. I just hate dissapointment. dammit im crying. im out.

my birthday is comming up this month and I just dont want to do anything I want to be by myself go to the movies by myself and just freaken cry my eyes out.
 
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