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There really is no one I despise more than myself. I'm 22 but I still feel like a 12 year old kid. I'm ashamed at everything about my so-called "life". Being completely isolated (except for parents I don't relate to anymore) does suck, but deep down I know I deserve it and it's probably the least bad option for me.

I think back to all the times I was rejected and humiliated by others and realize that they were fully justified and I would have done the same thing if I was in their position. I'm a pathetic little boy who leeches off mommy and daddy because I'm too lazy and incompetent to do anything on my own.

Just a quick rundown:

--Never been able to achieve a single push up in all my life. Not only pathetic but means I can't even join the army to get away from my parents.

--Took me eight years to beat some video games because of anxiety.

--Joined the Boy Scouts and went on 2 camping trips over a two year period before dropping out.

--Mom frequently took away my homework and did it for me (whether I liked it or not) because she realized I'd just screw up.

--Never talked to a girl in my whole life. Unless you count group class assignments where I would give one word responses.

--College was such an epic failure that I have actually blocked out memories of it. Simply refused to study, work, or pay attention.

--Parents got me a cushy pseudo-job when I was 18 but I got fired anyway. This is the only job I have ever had.

--It's been 3.5 years since I've talked to someone near my own age.

--I was forcibly removed from my backyard, sent to a mental institution, and injected with drugs for 45 days because I thought the apocalypse was imminent.

Can anyone top that?
 

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That's quite the rundown. As awful and meaningless as life is sometimes, It is pretty astonishing we still care about the things we do. I'm not advocating giving up on everything... I just think its a interesting thought that when life is so ****ty, why do we put so much stock into it and still care about expectations and what other people think of us.

Sorry this isn't really answering your question there but I'm just ranting on your statement about the so-called "life". With life being in quotes, its like you're putting to it so many expectations of what other peoples' life's are like. In some ways, I don't think anyone deserves anything really. Who decides who deserves something and who doesn't deserve something???
 

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Awesome.
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--Never been able to achieve a single push up in all my life. Not only pathetic but means I can't even join the army to get away from my parents.
At least you've tried to do a push up. You have to build up to strength exercises. Get small weights and work with those. Slowly increase.

--Took me eight years to beat some video games because of anxiety.
You beat them, though!

--Joined the Boy Scouts and went on 2 camping trips over a two year period before dropping out.
You joined, didn't you? And you went on camping trips! Those are huge accomplishments for people with social anxiety.

--Mom frequently took away my homework and did it for me (whether I liked it or not) because she realized I'd just screw up.
She may have had a screwed up way of showing it and a screwed up interpretation of successful, but she seems to have cared enough to want you to be successful. It also sounds like you would have preferred to do it on your own. That shows that you have some drive.

--Never talked to a girl in my whole life. Unless you count group class assignments where I would give one word responses.
I do count group assignments where you give one word responses. Everyone has to start somewhere. "Never talked to a girl in my whole life" is obviously an inaccurate statement.

--College was such an epic failure that I have actually blocked out memories of it. Simply refused to study, work, or pay attention.
You got into a college, and you attended. Again, that can be a major accomplishment for people with social anxiety.

--Parents got me a cushy pseudo-job when I was 18 but I got fired anyway. This is the only job I have ever had.
You took the job and tried it. Some people your age have never worked before, and a lot of people wouldn't even pay attention to being fired. It sounds like you actually care that you weren't able to keep the job.

--It's been 3.5 years since I've talked to someone near my own age.
You've talked to people, though, haven't you?

--I was forcibly removed from my backyard, sent to a mental institution, and injected with drugs for 45 days because I thought the apocalypse was imminent.
Someone obviously cared enough to see that you were given the care they thought you needed.

You just sound depressed. When you're depressed, you see everything in a negative light. At least you seem to care about your situation, or else I doubt you'd be writing about it. I know a 27-year-old who lives at home and hasn't worked in years. He didn't finish community college, and he doesn't seem to care that he mooches off his mom. You're way ahead of a lot of people. I could keep telling you what positive things I see in you, but I don't think you want to hear them. Feel free to tell me if you do, though, and I'll be happy to keep going.
 

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Ah dun goof'd
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I deeply sympathize with you :/ I'm 21 and I don't really care for myself too much either.

But if it helps, at least you realize your life isn't where you want it to be at the moment. The first step is always that realization. Everyone has their highs and lows. Maybe start working out regularly to build up some confidence and improve your mental health?
 

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I'm gonna kick your *** KJC5. As in a good ole fashioned *** whooping to turn that pessimism around. Hunnie you are fine. I ahve been at that point but for all the things you listed, I dont see one as to why you would hate your yourself to the extent that you do. lol maybe the 7 years to beat a game. haha i kid, i kid. I'm sure you're way to hard on yourself as we all are.

i can try topping it. (im 26 by the way lol) so i got 10 years on you lil guy.

-grew up in a dysfuncfunal family with a irrational highly reactive mother and a narcisstic father. we grew up poor, was on welfare, and my parents fought like it was the acopalyse. I was ashamed of this my whole life. My dad is kinda a fraud artist and persuades people to give him money. I supressed the thought of my childhood for a very long time.
- i was a loser in middle school. I was always afraid that everyone would make fun of me because of my clothes or the way i looked but no one ever did astonishingly because i guess im nice.
- i also can not do a push up. well maybe one.
-I was in gifted and talented my whole life but in grade 11 my parents separated and i started working two jobs cause there was no support. my anxiety grew exponentially and I started skipping classes to go home and think.
-as a result i didnt even get into university despite me knowing that I am smart. Felt like such a failure.
-got into university the following year only to be kicked out because I was anxious about paying for ****. couldn focus or study.
-got reinstated, decided to transfer and then dropped out. EPIC FAILURE.
-endeded up getting a job at a call centre with idiotic management and had fools calling me.
-ended up talking to this guy who was handsome and funy and i ruined it cause of my SA and intimacy issues.
-got kicked out of my house cause i told my sister i would go on trip with her and then cancelled cause my anxiety acted up. My folks are retarded in their own right.

There is so much more in-between but I have already out failed you kiddo.

I laugh about it now because i'm over the point of hating myself. I have hated, i mean hated who I was and the decisions i made and the circumstances that occured for many many years. This past year i realized that I am not a bad person. We all have failures, we all have triumphs. Its how you deal with and what you learn from it that defines your character. Stop looking at the bad, start looking at the good.
 
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