Dealing with not your average mothers?
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God that s a description of a very cruel person, i am sorry to say that. My mother just simply couldnt be bothered to talk to me and help me deal with my growing frustration over the world but this is way worse.But now youve probably begon to separate from this problem and you slowely getting over the abuse even if you dont feel like that yet
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575 Posts
Please try to talk about this more to your psych!
My mum is very much like the description you've posted, I'm tearing up just reading it
It's tough huh? *hugs*
My psych is under the impression that getting away from mine will
really improve my S.A that might be something you might want to
concider? Even if it's just looking at prices of places etc
PS:If you end up deleting this thread feel free to PM me anytime k!
My mum is very much like the description you've posted, I'm tearing up just reading it
It's tough huh? *hugs*My psych is under the impression that getting away from mine will
really improve my S.A that might be something you might want to
concider? Even if it's just looking at prices of places etc
PS:If you end up deleting this thread feel free to PM me anytime k!
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575 Posts
Haha...a caravan sounds nice.
I do love my mum, I think if I didnt love her it would be somewhat easier.
I'm constantly struggling to keep her happy, which always fails obviously haha.
My sister moved to Melbourne to get away. (I'm from New Zealand)
But she left me here grr!
I think once I move out things will be much better for me.
Isnt it lovely having one person who KNOWS how your mum is?
All my friends think my mother is so cool,they have never seen how she really is, and don't believe me when I did try to talk about it..any why would they? She alway's on her best behavior around them.
I do love my mum, I think if I didnt love her it would be somewhat easier.
I'm constantly struggling to keep her happy, which always fails obviously haha.
My sister moved to Melbourne to get away. (I'm from New Zealand)
But she left me here grr!
I think once I move out things will be much better for me.
Isnt it lovely having one person who KNOWS how your mum is?
All my friends think my mother is so cool,they have never seen how she really is, and don't believe me when I did try to talk about it..any why would they? She alway's on her best behavior around them.
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2,331 Posts
Yeah, I think this is the reason why it's healthier for us not to live with our parents for too long. They start subconsciously using the way we stressed them out as kids, as justification to take out their problems on us. Plus they know we can't fight back because they are our parents and we're programmed to love them.
My goodness.
My mom sounds almost exactly like that.
How scary is that?
I have never told anyone about my mom, not really. I'll say she has strange humor or that she's kind and loving, but in a different way. I feel really bad if I say something about my mom and, if she finds out, she's hell to be around. It's like she'll remind me of it to make me feel bad. I can't even explain it all in one post.
My mom sounds almost exactly like that.
How scary is that?
I have never told anyone about my mom, not really. I'll say she has strange humor or that she's kind and loving, but in a different way. I feel really bad if I say something about my mom and, if she finds out, she's hell to be around. It's like she'll remind me of it to make me feel bad. I can't even explain it all in one post.
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2,319 Posts
My mom is like that. We don't talk anymore, I've decided that it's better that way than to get into fights every so often that could end badly. Moving out of the house really helped.
I wonder if there is a support group for people with mothers like this, I would really like to meet up and make friends with some of you all.
I wonder if there is a support group for people with mothers like this, I would really like to meet up and make friends with some of you all.
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544 Posts
I'd forgotten how true a lot of that is about my mother. I still live with my parents so it's not too healthy for me :/
I have several siblings and one of my sisters is sort of an outcast of the family and really I'm the only one who has any contact with her (she is really bitter and poisonous). She sent me a link to that website a while ago asking if I agreed that it described our mother. It rather does in many ways but then I think it's a bit harsh. My sister actually wrote an angry letter to my mum telling her she was narcissitic and she just laughed and said that was actually what my sister was! (which is also kind of true I think but I wouldn't know as she's not my mum lol) But I also see a lot of those traits in my grandmother so I know where my mum gets it from.
So yeah it's not good. Sometimes I get on fine with her but I've always felt I've had a bit of an 'insecure attachment' or something with her pushing me away, pulling me in. Mollycoddling me then telling me to get some independence. I don't want to blame anyone for my problems but her attitude towards me really hasn't helped. E.g. recently I've been trying to be more positive then yesterday she tells me about some girl in the town who's doing something to raise money or something and says I could have done that...or that (what someone else did) and I said yes but I didn't. It's too late now. I mean, I've been so stuck focused on my failures and lack of life and I've been trying to live in the present and move forwwards. Then she even went so far as to say 'you were a bit rubbish really' omg I was hurt. That was all I needed. Still angry now actually. And she KNOWs that it hurts and it actually drags me backwards because I am so sensitive. ARgh.
Anyway so yeah. Mothers can be bad :/ And I suppose there really is problems with your mother if you don't even live with her and she is concerning you. Hope you manage to find some solutions.
I have several siblings and one of my sisters is sort of an outcast of the family and really I'm the only one who has any contact with her (she is really bitter and poisonous). She sent me a link to that website a while ago asking if I agreed that it described our mother. It rather does in many ways but then I think it's a bit harsh. My sister actually wrote an angry letter to my mum telling her she was narcissitic and she just laughed and said that was actually what my sister was! (which is also kind of true I think but I wouldn't know as she's not my mum lol) But I also see a lot of those traits in my grandmother so I know where my mum gets it from.
So yeah it's not good. Sometimes I get on fine with her but I've always felt I've had a bit of an 'insecure attachment' or something with her pushing me away, pulling me in. Mollycoddling me then telling me to get some independence. I don't want to blame anyone for my problems but her attitude towards me really hasn't helped. E.g. recently I've been trying to be more positive then yesterday she tells me about some girl in the town who's doing something to raise money or something and says I could have done that...or that (what someone else did) and I said yes but I didn't. It's too late now. I mean, I've been so stuck focused on my failures and lack of life and I've been trying to live in the present and move forwwards. Then she even went so far as to say 'you were a bit rubbish really' omg I was hurt. That was all I needed. Still angry now actually. And she KNOWs that it hurts and it actually drags me backwards because I am so sensitive. ARgh.
Anyway so yeah. Mothers can be bad :/ And I suppose there really is problems with your mother if you don't even live with her and she is concerning you. Hope you manage to find some solutions.
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1,512 Posts
I think I saw you posted about your narcissistic mum a long while ago. But once again, I can relate to this. i have a very narcissistic stepmum too and I am constantly feeling very drained. Worse is that my dad just look the other way.
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14,634 Posts
Its rather sad to read that and I am sorry that you have to deal with this.
Its not easy being a parent; one doesnt know how hard it is until doing the job. But a parent's job is to be supportive and put the interest of their child first. Every kid deserves that.
Its not easy being a parent; one doesnt know how hard it is until doing the job. But a parent's job is to be supportive and put the interest of their child first. Every kid deserves that.
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8 Posts
Wow.
I think that article succinctly sums up my mother. As I'm writing this I've got her scathing voice accusing guilt in the back of my head in fact! She takes back gifts because "it's her property", trashed something once when I didn't clean it right, and is horribly critical of me. Ever since I was in Kindercare, if I complained of mistreatment by others it was always "Well, what did you do wrong?" GAH. It's so horrible. She makes me sound like a monkey to other people (to the degree where during one psych exam of mine I scored in the 5th percentile for ability to care for myself - all based on her accounts). She's so unpredictable too. One day it's "Wow, that poem was really good", next day she calls me gay.
What really did it was that I tried to find a girlfriend to "replace" her, which combined with my (undiagnosed and untreated) Schizoaffective disorder to create an unstable, self-loathing and obsessive monster. I then proceeded to have her almost completely overlook it, and she only took me for "help" when I starting believing in New Age stuff. >.< Now I have trauma-induced Social Anxiety Disorder and hell, maybe even PTSD (because people in high school "teased" me too much - according to her.)
Like cutting yourself in the locker-room is a result of teasing. Pshaw.
I think that article succinctly sums up my mother. As I'm writing this I've got her scathing voice accusing guilt in the back of my head in fact! She takes back gifts because "it's her property", trashed something once when I didn't clean it right, and is horribly critical of me. Ever since I was in Kindercare, if I complained of mistreatment by others it was always "Well, what did you do wrong?" GAH. It's so horrible. She makes me sound like a monkey to other people (to the degree where during one psych exam of mine I scored in the 5th percentile for ability to care for myself - all based on her accounts). She's so unpredictable too. One day it's "Wow, that poem was really good", next day she calls me gay.
What really did it was that I tried to find a girlfriend to "replace" her, which combined with my (undiagnosed and untreated) Schizoaffective disorder to create an unstable, self-loathing and obsessive monster. I then proceeded to have her almost completely overlook it, and she only took me for "help" when I starting believing in New Age stuff. >.< Now I have trauma-induced Social Anxiety Disorder and hell, maybe even PTSD (because people in high school "teased" me too much - according to her.)
Like cutting yourself in the locker-room is a result of teasing. Pshaw.
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8 Posts
By the way, I'm sorry I didn't address you directly Aurora. I tend to do that. I relate my personal experience instead of addressing the person's particular concern directly.
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63 Posts
OMG! Thats amazing! Its sounds like you've been following my mom around and taking notes!
I completely relate. I became the scapegoat after an older brother moved out. I also understand what you mean about being paranoid. My mom would freak out if she knew that I was telling other people about her faults. I think her greatest fear is that people will see who she really is.
But rationally, I know that my mom will never see this post and yours probably won't either.
I completely relate. I became the scapegoat after an older brother moved out. I also understand what you mean about being paranoid. My mom would freak out if she knew that I was telling other people about her faults. I think her greatest fear is that people will see who she really is.
But rationally, I know that my mom will never see this post and yours probably won't either.
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8 Posts
XD
Yup.
My mum just about ticks every box of being a narcissist.
I've tried to get along with her but it's quite impossible. She has seriously just torn every ounce of patience I had within me.
My relationship with my mum is quite a loud one. When she's feeling relaly narcissistic, I'll just ignore her but being the attention seeking she is, she'll do everythign she can to get my attention and if does, I simply "shout" to her "shut up" or "go away" (sometimes I feel as if I'm the adult instead...being the child she is).
She spends every other minute reminding me how "Lazy" and "stupid" I am and anythign else to get attention.
She thinks she's so high above everyone else in the family.
Before, when my parents argued, I always used to stick up for her (probably something to do with kids being closer to mums) but now, I realise that SHE is usually the one who started it in the first place....she likes to make a MASSIVE fuss over nothing and, has a weird logic that she can do things to you but you can't. For example, she can call you stupid but if you can her it back, she'll "strop" (literally).
Meh, enough ranting. It's nice to meet someone who also has the same problem.
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