[KC-Blu-Eyez]

==

 

[socially inept]

I need some serious help with this. Like I said before my SA is not what it used to be and I'm finally getting comfortable around other people but big events I still can't do along with a few others. So anyway to keep it short my older brother used to weigh 250lbs extremely anti social worse than myself (never left his room, played video games and that's it). He lost a ton of weight and turned into a different person basically a cocky monster. We got into a fight and he is a a-hole about everything. He goes on rants in front of anybody to me. He sent me a bunch of text messages saying some awful things to me and I am feeling like crap over it. He calls me all sorts of names and teases me because I don't have a boyfriend etc. He however didn't get a girlfriend until he was almost 20 and I'm 18. He talks about how I don't do anything and how I'll be depressed sooner or later and no man will ever want me and a bunch of crap. How I'm fat and ugly.

What I'm basically trying to ask or say here is has anyone ever dealt with someone like this? He is my main hurdle in being comfortable with myself. I was finally starting to just accept who I am but he always comes in and knocks me back down. I don't go anywhere or do anything because I don't have money, transportation and I have SA. What is it to him? What especially pisses me off is how he used to be worse than I am now. No one ever teased him or even bothered him about it. I know it was in the past but it's not right. I want never subject anyone to the brutal crap he puts me through. EVER! How can someone who was insecure and extremely shy at one point treat someone else who is going through the same thing that way? I'm not even going to tell him I have SA he's one of those arrogant people who doesn't believe in that. he one of those people that if you're in a store and something embarrassing happens he will talk as loud as possible to draw attention to it. I know other overweight people who are very outgoing and have tons of friends and whose family are very supportive and treat them like human being. As a result they have high confidence and self esteem which is why they have friends. My family however is not like that, I have never felt welcomed or a part of the family ever. Also I am no where as much overweight or obese as he was.

Why would your own brother treat you this way?

just cut him out of your life and ignore him , he is acting like a fool. life is too short to have negative people like that in your life

last year i actually did something great to overcome my sa. it became publicas did the fact that i was as social phobic and since then my mum and brother teased me about it.

they teased me about what i did to overcome it (even though the whole community in my neighbourhood praised me for it) andthey constastly teased me for bing a social phobic even my mum is actually one too (she has just never admitted it

whe they used to tease me i used to laugh to myself and thing '' o my god what i did was brilliant and you actually have SA yourself you stupid bich haha''

anyway i cut these people off. i dont live with them, i avoid them as much as possible and when they do talk [email protected] i just laugh to myself

a good trick is to simply put a different perspective on it. whenever your brother speaks to you badly just make a picture of him, in your head, holding up a sign saying ''im talkng absolute nonsense, i havent got a clue what im on about and im treating my sister this way cos im an insecure, insensere fool''

this will help you not to take it personally

 

[UKPhobe]

This sort of thing just goes to show the level of ignorance there is in mainstream society regarding SA. It reminds me of the BBC HYS debate on SA when several people piped up and said the condition doesn't exist and is only used by job shy lay-a-bouts to get on incapacity.

 

[Bouffon]

He wants to see you succeed but he doesn't know how to help you any more so he relies on more aggressive methods. I doubt he is putting you down to make himself feel superior because he already accomplished some of his major goals he's just probably sick of dealing with you. Some people are more empathetic and patient than others.
My sister is the "I'll prove you wrong" kind of person and very competitive so she'll use the attacks on her and negative criticism to her own advantage and do whatever it takes to make people take things back. She also wouldn't take care of my father after he had surgery because she couldn't stand looking after people. On the other hand, I hate competition and criticism really hurts me, I also consider myself over-sensitive and have a tendency to feel people's pain.
I wouldn't go as far as cutting him out of your life simply because of his ignorance and lack of patience, you need to sit down with him and talk. Explain to him that you are trying to change but it takes time and that his approach to help you out is really hurting you, I am sure you can make him see things clearly.

 

[roverred]

He's simply acting with his insecurities and with his feelings. Unfair, of course. I think he is acting this way because he really hated who he was and takes way too much pride in who is he is now. He might see some similarities in you that remind him the way he use to be. It threatens his pride and triggers his hate for his old self but directs it towards you. In a way, he feels his ideals are being contradicted and being told he is wrong. He can't understand why people can't be like him and change, even though he use to be worse than you. That's what happens when you have too much pride. He maybe even afraid of reverting back. That's my opinion.

Do you think confronting him would do any good? But I believe the best thing to do is what sociallyinept suggested, minus the aggressiveness. No offense. I think it would be best to separate yourself from the negativity and convince yourself his attacks are a result of his own insecurities. It doesn't matter what anybody says about you, no matter how true because it doesn't change where you are at in life. You are improving at your own pace and that's all the matters.

 

[DepecheEyes]

I need some serious help with this. Like I said before my SA is not what it used to be and I'm finally getting comfortable around other people but big events I still can't do along with a few others. So anyway to keep it short my older brother used to weigh 250lbs extremely anti social worse than myself (never left his room, played video games and that's it). He lost a ton of weight and turned into a different person basically a cocky monster. We got into a fight and he is a a-hole about everything. He goes on rants in front of anybody to me. He sent me a bunch of text messages saying some awful things to me and I am feeling like crap over it. He calls me all sorts of names and teases me because I don't have a boyfriend etc. He however didn't get a girlfriend until he was almost 20 and I'm 18. He talks about how I don't do anything and how I'll be depressed sooner or later and no man will ever want me and a bunch of crap. How I'm fat and ugly.

Ugh, it angered me so much when I read what your brother has been saying to you. I mean here was someone who I assumed had very low self-esteem (and I suspect he still does) and goes around criticizing you for no reason! In fact, I suspect he is just criticizing you to make himself feel better: that's what angers me the most! His actions are so hypocritical!

What I'm basically trying to ask or say here is has anyone ever dealt with someone like this? He is my main hurdle in being comfortable with myself. I was finally starting to just accept who I am but he always comes in and knocks me back down. I don't go anywhere or do anything because I don't have money, transportation and I have SA. What is it to him? What especially pisses me off is how he used to be worse than I am now. No one ever teased him or even bothered him about it. I know it was in the past but it's not right. I want never subject anyone to the brutal crap he puts me through. EVER! How can someone who was insecure and extremely shy at one point treat someone else who is going through the same thing that way? I'm not even going to tell him I have SA he's one of those arrogant people who doesn't believe in that. he one of those people that if you're in a store and something embarrassing happens he will talk as loud as possible to draw attention to it. I know other overweight people who are very outgoing and have tons of friends and whose family are very supportive and treat them like human being. As a result they have high confidence and self esteem which is why they have friends. My family however is not like that, I have never felt welcomed or a part of the family ever. Also I am no where as much overweight or obese as he was.

Why would your own brother treat you this way?

I didn't really experienced this in a constant basis, maybe occasionally. I'm not so sure but I think you would have to be assertive with him. What I mean is, express your feelings and your thoughts to him without disrespecting him. That doesn't mean you cry in front of him or anything like that nor does it mean you insult him. Just let him know that what he says angers or upsets you and tell him why it does. Also, let him know that you want him to stop and that if he doesn't then you want him to stay away from you as far as possible.

Of course, I don't know your brother and I know that is easier said than done.