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I grew up in a Christian household, and the Holy Spirit murdered my soul as a small child. I have been dead inside ever since, and am now 48. I have tried everything: antidepressants, an antipsychotic, psychodynamic therapy, meditation, yoga, hypnosis. Therapists eventually came to hate me, because they like clients who either have nothing or only good things to say about past therapy. I can, however, say that Edna Foa's book Stop Obsessing is helpful for OCD, but nothing else helps with anything. Foa is the one odd anomaly. My life, in any case, continues to slide into oblivion, that no doubt being the best thing that could ever happen to me.
 

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I feel the same way too. My whole joy of a youthful existence was just completely sapped by catholicism on a daily basis by my batty mother. 50 prayers a day and obssesion over sin and saved soul salvantion and constant questions to join the priesthood leaves me a zombie today.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I feel the same way too. My whole joy of a youthful existence was just completely sapped by catholicism on a daily basis by my batty mother. 50 prayers a day and obssesion over sin and saved soul salvantion and constant questions to join the priesthood leaves me a zombie today.
Your status is "permanently banned," but you just left a message. :) Anyway, yeah, I don't even know where to begin in describing what happened. It was pretty bad, and just relentless. There is evidence that Jesus was a magician. You know, a big hoax, like Uri Geller.
 

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i see theres a lot of us, and that is enlightening in a way coz it reduces my fear of telling ppl off when they try to act all better than me, my soul struggles daily, im 29 and i feel like i lost the game already, im too old to dream like i do, i should just be happy that i can get a job and pay bills, hoping i still do have the ability to get a job.
addicted to weed cigarreted and,,,,,,,,,,,wait for it......hardcore......PORN! bay on the way, i pray he doesnt show up while dad is still a messy freak with no direction. LORD HELP ME.
 

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BROTHER T - I just turned 30. Not to far away from you in both age, and position in life. I too have some struggles as im trying to cope with my past. Between 18-24, you can say I thought I HAD IT ALL. Women, friends, parties, decent family, college, and etc. All that flipped upside down when I did the unthinkable in 2006. Abortion. Yes, ill admit it. Since then I never could forgive myself or be anything better. I got addicted to weed in 2007 (yea, my first time smoking and getting into it was that time..i was like 23ish)....which lead to cocaine binges with friends, blowing up parents money on alcohol and that, plus losing opportunities to have something sincere in life. I never listened to myself and just felt I should abide by what others think of me, or say of me. Although I realize that now Im not going to do that - I still feel I lost in the game. I don't think I can get a job as im unemployed for quite sometime now. and have nothing to look forward to. No friends, no money, no hope, no social skills seeing how I lost all that years ago by keeping myself away from reality. Atleast you have a bay on the way...ur life is going to change dude. I wish I can have a girlfriend. I ahvent dated since 2008. And trust me..i had some babes, great sex with many, and a bunch of good times. But I just kept myself back and at bay with weed and cocaine and just never letting go of my past mistake(s). You are ok dude....your not a loser. I am.
 

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I grew up in a Christian household, and the Holy Spirit murdered my soul as a small child. I have been dead inside ever since, and am now 48. I have tried everything: antidepressants, an antipsychotic, psychodynamic therapy, meditation, yoga, hypnosis. Therapists eventually came to hate me, because they like clients who either have nothing or only good things to say about past therapy. I can, however, say that Edna Foa's book Stop Obsessing is helpful for OCD, but nothing else helps with anything. Foa is the one odd anomaly. My life, in any case, continues to slide into oblivion, that no doubt being the best thing that could ever happen to me.
Do you have something that you're passionate about? I'm afraid I don't understand the part about the holy spirit etc - I used to go to a Seventh Day Adventurer church when I was a kid - my Mum was one - but fortunately my father was pretty much the complete opposite of one (much more fun) so I got a range of perspectives. Religions - all of them - are ridiculous as far as I'm concerned. I see why some people need them but I'm not one of them.

I think the trick is to find something you really enjoy or that you're interested in. My life is pretty limited at the moment, but I've always really loved books - not just for reading , but as in collecting. I love the texture and design of them too - pretty much everything about them. Maybe you could find something that gives you some purpose?
 

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I apologize if I seem simplistic, but would being in nature help you at all? I find it helps me no matter what demons are haunting me.

I was not raised with any religion, but I find that pure nature really helps strengthen my soul and make me feel hopeful. so does my dog, because he is like a child and is such a simple, loving being. I think any passionate interest, such as art, nature, just being, are really good for the soul. Find your passion
 

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"The Holy Spirit murdered my soul." I love that line. I'm going to have to use that, as I feel exactly the same way. When Jesus became the only reason, and the un-arguable reason for everything that was done in my household, there was nothing left. No way to get out from under it. No way to even suggest that I might want to do things a different way, or experience life more like everyone else.
 

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Edna Foa, author, writes a lot of self help.. I think
oh.. duh... yah my eyes are getting tired i didn't read the sentence before that. haha thanks

sierplinski im sorry you feel dead inside, i felt that way many times being isolated and mentally overwhelmed and it is a dreadful feeling. i will tell you that therapists did not really work for me either. i figured out that mostly they get you talking so much that you eventually give yourself your own advice. that works for some people but that method did not work for me, especially at a time when i was suicidal and my thoughts were so lost and disorganized and i needed another persons genuine advice. at least thats how the therapists i saw handled it. and medication did not work for me either. the medicine i was on did help me for a short period of time to have less negative thoughts and to get out of the house and do things outside, and i have since discovered that i love outdoors type of activities so the medicine did help to change my life in that way. sometimes getting out the door is the hardest step and the medicine did help me with that. however after about a year on medications i really felt like a zombie and i noticed memory problems from it so i quit medications and i have not been on any in over 5 years. maybe your medicine might need to be re-adjusted?

my advice to you is that you should do things that genuinely interest you. the thing that helped me to enjoy my life the most is when i was honest about what my interests actually were, and then lived my life according to my own interests. during therapy i did kind of realize that i was guilty of 'always trying to be like everyone else'.... i was in denial about what my real interests were, because i saw things that popular people were interested in, and subconsciously tried to convince myself that i was interested in those things too, for fear of being branded a 'nerd' if i admitted my own interests. then when i lived according to other people's interests, i felt dead inside because i wasnt truly entertained, just more negative and stressed out and feeling like there was nothing in the world that i liked.

one thing you might want to try out if you enjoy the outdoors at all is volkssport, its like an international hiking club for people of all ages. in my area tho i was actually the only person under 50, lol, so i only went on a couple hikes, but it was still great fun. even if you dont meet anyone at least you still see some beautiful trails and wildlife and native plants and stuff. well good luck to you :)
 
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