[Jeff]

I'm curious as to how people see this. I've had a whopping 1 relationship in my life that lasted about 3 years. She was at the opposite end of the spectrum than me, very outgoing. And because of her personality, I feel I was able to push myself more in social situaitons and go into situations I never would have previously. Basically, she made me feel like a stronger more confident person.

But at the same time, sometimes I feel drawn to women with SA because I guess I feel I can relate to them on some level that another person could never understand. But I wonder if being around someone with SA would put a limit on how far I push myself. Plus, I don't want SA to be this 'thing' that bonds us, sometimes I just want to feel normal and not be reminded of my 'disorder'.

 

[QuietArtist]

I dated someone for 3 or 4 months that had SA worse than I do. To me it was a very uncomfortable experience. We never had anything to talk about because we were both so intimidated by each other. The silence was deafening. I don't blame her for the awkwardness because it was both of us that created that. The only time we opened up to each other was thru emails because it was 'safe'. On the phone there was silence, in person there was even more silence... you could hear crickets chirp it was so bad. That was the only person I ever dated with SA, all the others have been extremely out going. I guess I subconsciously would seek out extroverts to fill in the lack of conversation from me.

 

[screwjack]

Maybe this is only true for myself but I don't think SA people like being around other SA people. Not that they want to be with an obnoxious outgoing loudmouth either, but being with someone as quiet as them is just as irritating.

 

[QuietArtist]

My feelings exactly, screwjack.

 

[DepecheEyes]

Well of course, we have to remember that there are different severity levels for each SAer. Some have it so severe that they have selective mutism, meaning they absolutely will not talk in public. Others are able to work and go to parties, but mainly engage in subtle avoidance, like drinking alcohol too much to reduce their anxiety or rarely expressing their true opinions or thoughts to their peers.

Personally, I would prefer to date someone who doesn't have SAD because that way I can pick up some new subtle info on how to socialize as well as pick up more realistic beliefs from observing how she socialize.

 

[miminka]

I love being around people with SA, but it's funny because I can't since they're too shy to come around me, like I'm too shy to come around them. I would rather date someone with SA because I would relate to them. They would understand me better. I think it's different for some people, because sometimes there isn't anything to talk about (well there is, but you are too nervous to initiate a conversation) and other times you feel only comfortable talking around THAT PERSON. Because you've opened up enough and got to know the person better.

But it's different for everyone.

 

[shyvr6]

I don't think it would limit you. If anything, it would probably make you stronger because you would have to be the one taking the initiative to talk and do social things.

 

[Ohio Fatso]

I would rather date someone with SA because I would relate to them. They would understand me better. .....other times you feel only comfortable talking around THAT PERSON. Because you've opened up enough and got to know the person better.

I agree with this. I would like to come home to someone who understood what I was going through. I'm not good at getting to know anyone, but once I do I like to be able to tell them everything. I would rather have someone who understood because I am around so many people who don't and that is quite frustrating.

But how can I ever make this happen? People like us don't go where anybody is. How are we supposed to meet anyone like us for anything more than just message board chatter?

 

[wxolue]

I hate hanging out with people with SA. They remind me too much of myself . its too painful

 

[cakesniffer]

You have to remember that when people with SA get together, it's awkward. I did an SAS meet-up with about seven members, and it was awkward as hell. Just because you all have SA does not mean it's going to make things easier, in fact, it's harder because there is no guarantee that someone is going to break the ice. We all ate at a Chicago Uno restaurant in total silence on a busy Saturday night. Now, that was awkward. :lol

When I first met my boyfriend (he's from SAS, too) and we were just hanging out, it was awkward. It took maybe six months for me to be completely comfortable and to feel safe to act like myself. But one-on-one is much easier to handle than a whole group of people. So, it's sort of a lengthy process, but I think it's totally worth it. No where else are you going to find someone who really understands your problems and not hold it against you.

 

[Akane]

I found it didn't work out. We only made each other worse and neither one of us was very good at motivating the other to do things. It's actually better to be with someone fairly outgoing that is understanding of you not being that way. They can provide a lot more encouragement and help along with the fact just watching someone else interact can help you become better and more confident at it.

 

[UKPhobe]

Suppose it depends on how you look at it. The advantages are that you'll have someone who understands your situation and will be more sympathetic. The disadvantages are that if you want to improve you could run the risk of getting stuck in a safety zone where by none of you make efforts to tackle your SA.

 

[smalltowngirl]

I've read studies that say introverted couples are happier together than extroverted couples and introvert/extrovert couples. I can see where that would be true.

Of course SA is different than just being an introvert.