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This is a thread for those of us that struggle with self injury. Lately, I have been hurting myself a lot because I've felt so bad. Things pretty much went downhill after I was called ugly by multiple posters on a message board a few months ago. I was feeling good about myself prior to that incident.

I've cut myself multiple times on my abdomen these past few days, including tonight. I have no close friends or close family members to turn to. All I have to relieve my hurt and anger is cutting. I don't think I'll be happy with myself until I hurt myself very badly. A few weeks ago I hurt myself but didn't break skin. Only a bruise with some tenderness was left.

I've been hurting myself since I was 8 years old. There are times I feel good and don't want to hurt myself, but after being called ugly and being told that I'll never get a man since I look so bad, I've completely gone down hill. I don't think anything will help me. I grew up constantly being called ugly. That's why I felt so hurt by this. My looks are my obsession. Being constantly put down will growing up led to my social anxiety and self mutilation.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how I was called ugly growing up and being called ugly a few months ago just ruined me. When I look in the mirror I see a monster. This is something I've been trying to escape since childhood. I think those posters were right. No man is ever going to want me because I'm so bad looking. All of the makeup and fancy clothes in the world won't help me. This hurts like hell and is driving me crazy. I think about it so much. This is my obsession. For women, a lot of our self worth is placed on our looks in this society.

Cutters share your stories. This thread is for us. I now keep a razor and benzos with me just in case I need them.
 

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The Lonely Cowboy
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Aw, JupiterStarr, I've been reading your threads since the first day I joined SAS. They are always so sad and I never really know what to say. Obviously you live in a very mean area where people think it's ok to put other people down like that.

One day I want you to write a poem for you to express all your negative feelings. Put down the razors and pick up one of those feather pens. You'll make Robert Frost look like Kermit the Frog. I don't know what that means.
 

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People cut themselves for attention. They want other people to see the cuts to gain sympathy. Communication is key to alleviating the burden of guilt.....wait what am I saying; I've never communicated any of my feelings to anyone ever lol.
 

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Silent
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@CleverUsername
Not everyone cuts themselves for attention... I, personally, just feel so much better after cutting. If I got really upset, depressed, or angry I'd get this feeling in my arms that just wouldn't go away until I cut. It was like a high for me- made me feel good. I no longer cut, which is good, but I still get the same feelings in my inner forearms which don't go away for a while unless I rub my arms hard. =/ I regret ever cutting.

Anyway, J.S, I know how you feel. I think so low of myself because I'm always paranoid that people are talking about me poorly. I get low self-esteem and depression because of this. Instead of cutting try using a rubber band on your wrist- every time you want to cut just snap the rubber band until the urge goes away. I've tried this and it worked to an extent. Just don't do it so much you break skin. ><
 

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@cleverusername you are misinformed; sure there are some people who may do it for attention, but it is generally an act that self-harmers keep to themselves out of shame. I personally do it when I'm very upset, or when I've done something wrong. For me, it's a need for punishment. I really don't want my family to see the scars, I know it would hurt them.

I don't really know what started my self-harm actually; I just remember sitting in math class, feeling angry, sad, and guilty about something, and I just took out a pencil and started scratching my arm. It progressed from there to cutting.

For some reason, I've been more depressed than usual, especially at night, and I usually use cutting as my outlet. I find though, that if I have an urge to hurt myself, drawing on my skin in red or black ink helps to quell it. For me, it's still expressing something, but in an obviously safer manner than hurting myself would.
 

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roarrrr
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CleverUsername - That statement was incredibly ignorant. I'm sorry if you just honestly are not well informed about self-harm. I'm not gonna be ignorant myself - there are some people that do it because they can't speak out so they do so through self-harm. But the majority of cutters don't want ANYONE to know that they cut themselves. It's kept hidden out of fear & shame, like Frenger said.

JupiterStar - I'm so sorry that you are going through that. Really. It sounds terrible. I can't believe that people would say those things to you. I don't know what you look like but I can honestly say, I don't believe in anyone being "ugly". At all. I've never seen any ugly person. Sure - attractiveness is on a scale for each individual opinion. But I've never seen someone ugly. Also - there is more to a person than their looks. I, personally, put personality & intelligence on top of looks. & I can tell, JS, you are a very intelligent person, just by the way you write your posts.

I was a cutter since the end of 2009. I was severely depressed, the type where one would have suicidal ideation & can't stop sleeping to escape the pain. So - I started cutting to relieve my pain. There were different reasons. One was I wanted to get that high afterwards & feel better. Another was I wanted to prove to myself that I "was" suffering. Since Depression is not something you can see. It eventually became an addiction that I had to do multiple times a day. I have recovered from it however a few months ago. I had a few slip-ups due to severe emotionality but I have learned to refrain. I hope all you guys can beat this thing as well.
 

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Dancing on my own
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Good thread for communicating, and hopefully as a helpful substitute outlet, as long as you are not trying to glorify it with such a thread title... I hope I wasn't reading the title the wrong way.
 

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banana enthusiast
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Think about all the people who called you ugly while growing up. What was their motivation for doing so? Don't just accept their opinion at face value - look into their motivations. Can you honestly say that what they said was nothing more than an objective expression of their true feelings about your appearance, or was there another reason they'd want to call you ugly?

People call people ugly because they know it's one of the most hurtful things they can say, which makes it the perfect word to use when trying to hurt someone they don't like for whatever reason. So look into their motivations. Were these people just bullies who wanted to have some fun by picking on someone like you? Were they family members, and if so, was this part of a regular pattern of insults and abuse which would make their opinions anything but trustworthy? Were they girls trying to make themselves feel better about their own appearance by tearing you down? Were those people on the message board just being douchebags looking for a bit of fun by insulting a girl who was obviously insecure about her appearance? (This happens ALL the time on forums, even for the most beautiful girls.)

There is no human being on this planet that I would even think of as ugly, repulsive, hideous, etc. I might not find them attractive, but I would never actually be repulsed by someone based purely on their appearance. And I'm sure I'm not alone on this. So when someone calls you ugly, don't just accept it. Inquire into their reason for saying it, because most of the time, it has more to do with their own personalities or insecurities than with your appearance. And please, don't let these douchebags drive you to punish yourself further by cutting yourself over their worthless opinions.
 

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Another was I wanted to prove to myself that I "was" suffering. Since Depression is not something you can see.
Thats another reason why I cut. The people I have told about my anxiety, depression, and other things don't take my problems seriously. So I feel the need to validate the fact that I'm in pain on the inside by inflicting pain on the outside.
 

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ya, I have to agree that most cutter wont cut for attention usually no one knows about it at all. The people that do it for attention I honestly dont get? the attention that someone would get from cutting I cant imagine it would be good at all most likely people would tease you or laugh or somthing because well cutting yourself is sorta crazy....But I started cutting when I was 14 I didnt even really know anything about self harm or that allot of people did it. I thought it was one of those things the crazy chracter in a scary movie did or whatever. But I started when allot of things where happening with my family and then my school work was going down the drains since my anxiety was pretty bad so the school was calling allot, my parents were upset with me, I just felt guilty about it and everything was so out of control for me. Next thing I know im grabbing a knife which sucks because after the first time everytime im stressed out or feel guilty I always think of that... but I havent cut for about 5 months so I think im getting better, It annoying though because I still have the scars so swimming, and wearing short sleaves and dresses is kinda out of the picture for me since I hide them, Its not only because im afraid of what people will think if they see them but I also dont want to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me everythings already awqward enough becuase of my social anxiety. I just hope that when I am able to wear short sleeves eventually people wont think that I want attention or anything rather I made a really reallyyy stupid choice in my life but Im better now and dont want to be stuck hidding scars behind long sleeves, jackets and sweaters all my life. Also I hope you get better too just because someone says your ugly dosnt mean that you are or that you have to think so. You shouldnt let somthing so small plant itself in your mind and let it control what you think about yourself. Just because someone says your ugly dosent mean that every person in the world think so. chances are those people might be jelous of somthing you have and they dont. And if you have conffindece in yourself people will also think better about you. Like for instance if your all depressed walking around like I used to guys arent going to want and talk to you. But just watch next time you go out somewhere bring someone you can have a good time with and smile guys will notice and people will most likely be nice and try and talk to you. so people may think your "ugly" but dont let that get to you. have more confidence in yourself and dont give a **** what they say because you deserve wayyy better than cutting yourself. :)
 

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CleverUsername said:
People cut themselves for attention. They want other people to see the cuts to gain sympathy.
Most cutters try to hide their cuts, so your hypothesis doesn't really work. Others usually find out about the cutting accidentally or without the intention of the cutter.
 

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is trying.
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I cut, burn, brand, scald, headbang, punch, etc. Most recently, it's been cigarette burns and scissor cuts to my upper arms, belly, and thighs. It's the only thing that makes me feel powerful. I'm about to shamefully advertise myself--I have a Tumblr called Self Injury with No Regrets, which is linked to my SAS page, full of my SI photos and some stories.
 

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I cut, burn.
Used to do drugs to self harm. As well as starvation. Who am I kidding, still do these things. Recently ate bunches of pills.
Suicidality is at the forefront of my "harm brain." I guess that's what I call the part of my head that supersedes any logical one.
I lust for blood, for acute aesthetic awareness.
I want to be as ugly outside as in.
I obsess for days sometimes the notion of taking my lovely straight razor all about my face.
I need to know what's real, what's tangible.
The pain I allocate is. The punishment I owe myself elucidates reality.
Veneered in sanguine hues, pictures burgundy and bright allow a glimpse; mere and fleeting, but a peek at power, prestige endowment.
If I cut, I'm sick.
There's a symptom now.
 

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this too shall pass
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I hope this thread turns into helping people overcome the need for self-injury, rather than justifying it as a legitimate method to overcome anxiety.
 

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I hope this thread turns into helping people overcome the need for self-injury, rather than justifying it as a legitimate method to overcome anxiety.
What do you know of self injury?
Who is justifying anything?
The OP asked for stories to be shared. She opened this thread for a place to come and speak openly about cutting/self harm, I'm sure with the idea of no stigma involved.
 

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is trying.
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I think cutting is legitimate. It doesn't have to be addictive, so it can't be categorically dismissed on those grounds. I really don't see a need to justify it: sure, it scares/upsets some people, but that's why most of us hide it, anyway. We're not trying to creep you all out: we're trying to help ourselves in one way that we know works.
 

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Dead inside
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This is a nice idea for a thread, hopefully it'll be helpful to people.

I've been self-harming more or less non-stop for about 3 years now. I remember deliberately hurting myself sometimes when I was much younger though. I don't have the confidence to go into my entire story though...
 

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this too shall pass
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What do you know of self injury?
Who is justifying anything?
The OP asked for stories to be shared. She opened this thread for a place to come and speak openly about cutting/self harm, I'm sure with the idea of no stigma involved.
I'll admit I don't know much about it, but I can tell that it is not a solution for anxiety, and if it seems to work, it is only temporary, and the risks must outweigh the benefits. I didn't say that anyone was justifying it so far, only that further along the thread there may be people starting to recommend it to others, which I think would be wrong. I have no stigma against people who do it, but I think it would be better for their health if they tried to find other ways to deal with problems, such as therapy, etc.
 
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