Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Cursed and Despised
Joined
·
2,352 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This post is about family and how in recent years, (last 5-6 years) I have opened my eyes to the real phonyness and fakeness of "so-called" loving family members.

Anyway, my grandmother growing up was always super-hostile to me, yelling screaming and cursing at me sometimes while I was alone with her... too complicated to go into details...I have barely seen her in 5-6 years and avoid her and all thanksgivings for the past 3 or 4 years...
I just had enough of her constant verbal/emotional abuse.

My father to me always seems to me like I am a "problem" as opposed to my sister who is the great student.... He also rarely ever calls me even to ask how I am doing... even when I am in a horrible crisis...when he gives advice, he usually gets angry/irritated with me for not knowing how to solve things, so I stopped asking for advice or really even calling him.

My sister was always super high-maintenance and demanded tons of attention growing up. I tried for many years to build a relationship as she got older he never really wanted a relationship but kind of led me along for many years pretending to, when I would have preferred the cold shoulder or a more direct approach.

My uncle I realize now has always talked down to me even going as far as to belittle me for not having as much money as him or being poor even though he hasn't worked in 25 years (his wife was rich)

The common denominator with all of these relatives is their overwhelming "kindness" and "caring" and "politeness" (such as my sister and grandmother especially constantly saying they love me but not showing it in any way) But actually, underneath all that phony bull**** exterior is hostility, arrogance and fakeness...

The only one I am close to or really talk to now really is my mother, (and really ever) but I find that she is a downer and criticizes me or makes me feel worse when I ask for advice... like for example, when I say something not necessarily that bad that happens, she constantly says, "God, that sounds really hard" or if I say I feel like I never had friends or will have true friends she says like, "Yea, true" casually... not intentional but CONSISTENTLY makes me feel worse about my situation.

My point of this post is not to complain but to see if anyone else has recently at any point opened their eyes to their family in particular and all the ways they MASK what they really feel with pleasantries and complete bullcr*p instead of just directly saying what they are thinking, which generally has an agenda. I come from a wealthy family, and I imagine in poorer families, there would be less phoniness but more direct interaction... which could be better or worse...

I will not get into the details of my life, but does anyone else just in general feel betrayed in some way or another by the great majority of their family and extended family? I have confronted each family member recently specifically on what I am frustrated with, but the bottom line is, they are all now more or less completely out of the picture based on me not putting up with them, so what was really solved?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
I used to feel betrayed. My father was abusive (physically, emotionally, he had most of those bases covered), and I suspected most of the family knew about it. It felt like that story about the girl who got murdered in front of an apartment building and no one called the cops--every one was just bunkered down, hoping somebody else could address it. It made me so angry for a while, but now I've started to realize that just because they never stepped in didn't necessarily mean they didn't love me. I'm still disappointed with the way they handled it, but at some point I had to decide between hating what had happened and being able to think about them without kicking the nearest metaphorical puppy.

Wow, that went on longer than I thought it would. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you really are that angry with them, it may be for the best to just take a break from them, whether that's a final decision or just a temporary one. Give yourself a little time to do other things and not think about it, and then, when you feel like you've gained a little distance from the problem, then you can make a final decision. Unless a zombie apocalypse or something goes down while you're gone, you can always come back later.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
16,644 Posts
Good for you. It takes a lot of strength to be able to tell people who are no good for you to piss off. You'll be glad you did it in the long run.

I've always been wise to people's fakeness, but I would pretend I wasn't and allow them to use me and betray me because I didn't want to be alone. I realized that this is the absolute wrong way to go about things with people. You have to be strong and show that you're not a pushover.

How would you say that you feel now? Relieved?
 

·
Cursed and Despised
Joined
·
2,352 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Good for you. It takes a lot of strength to be able to tell people who are no good for you to piss off. You'll be glad you did it in the long run.

I've always been wise to people's fakeness, but I would pretend I wasn't and allow them to use me and betray me because I didn't want to be alone. I realized that this is the absolute wrong way to go about things with people. You have to be strong and show that you're not a pushover.

How would you say that you feel now? Relieved?
Hey, sorry didn't see post, yes feel relieved but definately more isolated... I also wrote a letter to my boss explaining how she mistreated me in recent years and how she cut back my hours so much it wasn't worth it...

It seems like I have burned all my bridges... nothing is unresolved, but still...

The scariest thing is, I have almost NO ONE on earth I can turn to...

The best test I always use is... (and I recommend this to anyone) if you are generally calling/texting someone more than they are to you, STOP CONTACTING THEM until they contact you first... I realized that with almost everyone I deal with, they can go weeks or MONTHS without contacting me...

The bizarre thing is they sometimes pop up 3 or 4 months later, and are always SUPER-POLITE, apologizing for not being in touch or busy (yea right)... the thing I really hate is is they always say they love you over and over... what freaking nonsense, if they loved you they would contact you more often...

The more apologetic or overly polite ANYONE is, from family members to friends/aquaintences, to even waiters and cashiers, strikes me as "what do they have up their sleeve" like fake people, basically... those are the one's to look out for... not that they are your enemy, just less trustworthy I find in the long run....
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top