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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have had SA all my life. My dad and brother actually have it, too. My dad is in denial. My brother did get help for a little bit for his, but stopped medication and he is a bit worse than me, probably.

That said, I still wonder if maybe my mom had been more encouraging and understanding or if my dad had been a better example of someone with SA getting help, etc., I wonder if I would still have it, you know? I was never enocouraged to play on a team or anything like that. My mom would always get mad at me and yell at me when I "embarassed" her for my lack of social skills. But, she never really taught me how to be social or put me in things to help me.

Are some people just doomed or can parents help their children not have it. My daughter is 5 and I can already tell she may have beginnings of it. She hates trying anything new. She has trouble talking to people and answering questions even from people she knows. I think in her Sunday School class she is probably the "quiet one". It really worries me. That's why I'm trying to get help for mine. She is homeschooled, which some may think make things worse, but I went to public school and it sure as heck didn't help me any.
 

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I think it's very respectable that you are looking to help not only yourself but your little daughter.

Perhaps your next course of action would be to visit the doctors, explain what you wrote here to them and ask for help for your daughter too.

I'm not exactly sure on what this help would be, I'm kind of lost myself. Any help you offer your children will help, it's worth trying! Your daughter is still young, get something sorted before she hits 10-11, because then it's alot harder to "change" a childs behaviour I have heard.
 

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I don't know. My father has a form of SA but he just threw himself into work and coaching little league football and mostly overcame his. Though my parents would never make me do anything that made me feel uncomfortable. I guess they could have pushed me into doing more things but they didn't want to upset me. I guess it's really hard to raise a child with this disorder.
 

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I don't know. My father has a form of SA but he just threw himself into work and coaching little league football and mostly overcame his. Though my parents would never make me do anything that made me feel uncomfortable. I guess they could have pushed me into doing more things but they didn't want to upset me. I guess it's really hard to raise a child with this disorder.
You see the same applies to me, I don't think my parents have SA but there is a history in my family of such conditions along with depression etc.

I was never forced into doing things that I felt uncomfortable with doing in my younger years but I did infact do alot of things off my own back. I'd go rock climbing, swimming, I was in scouts and went camping..

Now, nothing like that..

I turn down oppurtunities for near enough everything because I fear that I will do something or something will happen and then I will be ridiculed for.
 

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I'd push her to be social. I was homeschooled until grade 7 and it really screwed with me. Things were getting too much for me in grade 10 and I dropped out, working on my GED now though. =/

Just saying my experience. =x
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I'm getting ready to sign her up for soccer at the Y and a homeschool fitness class they offer. I hope she will like them.
 

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Ricky Williams, miami dolphins running back has social anxiety so just because you play on a sports team throughout school doesnt mean you still wouldnt have social anxiety...i think its biological in MOST cases, thus only changed with meds...
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
That's what I was wondering, if you can keep someone from being that way or if they are kinda like "doomed" to be that way no matter what.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
airs, why do you say homeschooling screwed with you? If you don't mind sharing.
 

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My mom had SAD and both me and my sis have SAD. Mine is worse than my sis but she has other psychiatric problems. She is psychotic and also has really bad OCD.
 

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My mom completely admits that she probably had something to do with it. Like keeping me sheltered and encouraging me to stay in and not have friends. She was in fear that I'd turn out like my sister, is what she told me.
I was also home schooled and while I think it's fine, the thing that a lot of parents forget while kids are home schooled is that they need activities to help them be social and build social skills as they aren't at school with other children their age. Like, have them involved in clubs or play groups in the area, just something to have them out of the house. That, I think was the only bad thing about my being home schooled. It got me completely used to being in the house and away from other people my own age. I lost touch with how to be social, not that I knew much before, but I really got behind with socialization and that hurt me in a way.
 

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Iced soul pretty much explained how it screwed with me. Lacking social skills and being sheltered. I mean my mom got me out doing things, but it was more like field trips. Not everyday social things. =/
 

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Both of my parents had the best of intentions. They didn't discourage me from making friends or going out; in fact, when I was young, they forced me to do a few extracurricular type activities. The problem was more indirect: they're both very introverted and socially un-connected themselves, and so they set bad examples in terms of mannerisms and social skills. Combine that with their both coming from conservative, Southern families, and you have the recipe for being raised in a very sheltered environment, which made me very naive and easy to pick on. It's kind of funny how what I thought was "normal" as a kid, and even as a teenager, has been turned on its head now that I'm out on my own. I always saw my family as being slightly more culturally conservative and traditional than average, but nothing too extreme; now, I realize we were a lot farther from the middle than I thought. I guess my not being allowed to watch the same shows other kids were watching, being taught flawless politeness where other kids where being taught assertiveness, and other such factors probably enhanced my already-existing predisposition towards social ineptitude and nerdiness and the "boring nice guy syndrome."
 

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iced soul-that may have something to do with it but how about the many people that grew up in public schools, were forced to play sports, had many friends as kids yet still had social and have social anxiety now??like i said, i believe there is a strong biological cause for it..you can help yourself in ways but it will always be there...
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Well, I definitely haven't forgotten about the social part. I've been worrying about it since making the decision to homeschool. I definitely have no intention of keeping her secluded or sheltered. This will be tough. I'm hoping not forcing her into the sometimes more cruel world of public school will actually help her to have a better social foundation. But, I don't know.
 

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My mother was far too protective, she treats me like a child to this day. She is a hopeless 'pleaser' type, always going out of her way to meet the needs of others. Anything I complained about, I didn't have to do. She never realised that children are naturally shy and anxious and never allowed those feelings to pass me by, but rather propogated them by appeasement.

It's really conflicting loving someone so much and knowing they unintentionally screwed you up at the same time.
 

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iced soul-that may have something to do with it but how about the many people that grew up in public schools, were forced to play sports, had many friends as kids yet still had social and have social anxiety now??like i said, i believe there is a strong biological cause for it..you can help yourself in ways but it will always be there...
Well, I can't speak for everyone, I'm just speaking for myself. I've had social anxiety ever since I could remember.
I was in public school, had friends, played sports and such before I started home schooling (I wasn't home schooled until 8th grade), so I've been in both situations. What I'm saying is that home schooling and having someone encourage being alone and being in the house didn't help matters.
It could be biological (and it's likely that it does stem from someone in the family having sa or being shy or whatever) or it could be something that develops (some people don't have any people with sa in their families and they didn't develop it until their 20s, 30s, or even later). It most likely will always be there and maybe people had it in a more milder form, but then it suddenly became noticeable. It's just different for everyone.
 

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I think it'd be normal for your daughter to be shy when she probably isn't around too many people all that often. I did some of my schooling in my later years via correspondence but that was my own choice. I went to kinder from 4 or 5 and was at public school up until about 15 years of age. It's easy for me to think I would love to be homeschooled from the beginning because I've always hated school, but I think you can only really decide which you prefer-- homeschooling or traditional-- after you've experienced both. Just because public school wasn't for you doesn't mean it isn't for your daughter. You can try hard to prevent her having the same problems you had but in purposefully keeping her away from people, it might make it even harder for her. Just my opinion, in the end you know what's best for her. :)

I've been thinking a lot lately about my parents contributing to my SA. My dad is extremely anti-social and acts like people have a disease he has to avoid. My mum, I think, has a habit of scaring people away. She comes on too strongly. When 'befriending' people, she'll open up with all her problems right away and seems to want the foundation of their friendship to be on nothing but each of them whinging about their husbands, jobs, ect. Obviously most people don't go for this, so she has little to no real friends.

My sister and I both grew up as the 'quiet one' at school. We had friends though at times we struggled to keep them (I only made better friends when I was in high school). Having friends over was always treated as a big thing. I rarely had people sleeping over and would normally go over to their place. When I asked to have friends over, my parents would always act like it was a big hassle, and I'd sometimes find myself feeling guilty for asking, but isn't that kind of ridiculous? Here I am a little kid wanting to have my friends over.. what exactly is wrong with that? My mum would often complain about having to clean every square inch of the house in preparation for my friends' visit. I'd never be able to do a friend-related thing two weekends in a row-- my parents would tell me "you had someone over last weekend!" or "you went to her place last weekend!" Very annoying. At some point when I was older (about 17 or 18.) I wanted to ask if I could have a friend sleep over for my birthday, and found myself dreading it (asking, that is). When I realized how freaked out I was about asking my mum, I realized how weird it is.

My dad would often ignore it when people rang or came to the door. There are a lot of other anti-social things my mum does/did as well. She looks on dating sites sometimes now (her and my dad are seperated) and often she'll like the look of someone on there but be turned off when it says he likes to go out dancing or to dinner, or to other countries or basically just anything that involves actually doing things and being social.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I don't want to be one of those parents my kids grow up and say caused or could have helped more with their problems. It angers me to think I've passed this on to my daughter, but gosh, I hate to think she is doomed. I don't purposely exclude her form people, but I do feel it happening more and more. At first I intended to get out once a day, but quickly realized that wasn't always as easy as I thought. Between school, housework, meals, naps (for my son), etc. Maybe I just need to take a break from academics and spend a week or two on social skills. She's actually pretty far ahead academically.

Oh, and I do the ignore the phone/door thing a lot, too. I hate that!
 

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Both of my parents had the best of intentions. They didn't discourage me from making friends or going out; in fact, when I was young, they forced me to do a few extracurricular type activities. The problem was more indirect: they're both very introverted and socially un-connected themselves, and so they set bad examples in terms of mannerisms and social skills. Combine that with their both coming from conservative, Southern families, and you have the recipe for being raised in a very sheltered environment, which made me very naive and easy to pick on. It's kind of funny how what I thought was "normal" as a kid, and even as a teenager, has been turned on its head now that I'm out on my own. I always saw my family as being slightly more culturally conservative and traditional than average, but nothing too extreme; now, I realize we were a lot farther from the middle than I thought. I guess my not being allowed to watch the same shows other kids were watching, being taught flawless politeness where other kids where being taught assertiveness, and other such factors probably enhanced my already-existing predisposition towards social ineptitude and nerdiness and the "boring nice guy syndrome."
:D Well, , my father is himself very introverted. All I wish is that my parents had let me take more risks. Anytime there was any remotely, dangerous kids activity, I was always prohibited to go. I never broke any limbs as a kid. They allowed me to join activities, but they didn't push me. As, I got older and dropped out of activities, they didn't stop me. They didn't rock my boat.

I used to think that the fact that my parents and i never argued was a good thing. Now I am not so sure. I wish we had fought. I would have become a stronger man.

Now I am 18, and my parents suddenly want me to get over all my social awkwardness and become a normal adult. Last month my dad himself said "I wish I had pushed you harder."
 
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