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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi All -

I'm new to this site, but I've suffered from social anxiety and severe trust issues most of my life. In the recent past I made a lot of life changes, changes to my appearance (weight loss), etc., that helped me gain some confidence. As part of these changes, I wanted to get out there and 'self-actualize', i.e. prove to myself that I could date, meet new people etc. At the time was in a 9 year relationship where I was the caregiver to my bf (not medically, just generally) and often the breadwinner as well.

For a few months (and occasionally for years prior) my bf and I had been discussing 'taking a break' or having an open relationship and living apart for a bit, so that I could build my self-confidence by doing the above, while he could learn to take care of himself. But when I finally tried to act on what we discussed (looking at an apt., asking to start the open relationship), he got really offended and turned it into a hostile divorce situation.

Initially, he promised not to move out until a certain date, so we could sort things out (including $ he owed me) and I could find a new place. But then he broke his word and moved out overnight. I got home from night school and he had disappeared with some furniture, all his stuff and 2 of our pets. He also turned off his phone and I didn't know where he had moved.

Since then I've gotten ahold of him and we're trying to be friendly/amicable, but his actions/reactions have really made me feel like the bottom dropped out. I've backslid into some of the worst anxiety of my life - full-on panic attacks, SA, trouble focusing, etc. I really feel like without him, I have no one to support me, b/c I have no close friends aside from him that I can really discuss my emotions with. Being alone at night is really the worst, I have to have the TV on all the time b/c the silence makes me panic. And I feel like a failure b/c all the progress I've made in the last few months seems to be completely eroded, and instead of moving further towards confidence and independence, I feel weaker and more needy than I have in a decade.

Anyway, sorry for the long post - if anyone out there has (supportive) comments or suggestions, I'd really appreciate them. I guess I'm just tired of feeling alone in this... so thanks for listening.
 

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Hey curlgirl welcome. :hyper
 

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I guess this is the hard part that u didn't expect ... If u want to work on yourself it'll take a while and always the start is the hardest ... It'll get better and you'll be more independent and anxiety free. Anyways hi and *hugz*
 

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welcome curl girl. Sorry to hear what happened to you. There are plenty of people here you can make friends with.
 

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I know it's early but I just want you to know that it always gets better. I grew up very angry and depressed. With every door that closes there is another opportunity waiting to open up for you.
 

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Thanks for sharing! I'm new here too. Words of support? It gets better, as they say.... :) Keep sharing, keep improving.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks everyone for your kind words, nice to meet you all, and let me know if I can be of help in any way.
 

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Hey welcome to the forum, I'm sorry to hear about your awful story. You'll get passed it and you'll learn to trust someone again. Try to move towards confidence though so you can be independent. Someone better will be around sooner or later too.
 

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Welcome, CurlGirl! :)
 
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