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So it goes.
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So, I'm currently a college student, and a few months ago, I met a boy on the first day of one of my classes. We hit it off on the first day, and I had high expectations for our friendship, as I often do when interactions go smoothly. After the next class period also went smoothly, I spent the next week (the class meets once per week) obsessing over the next interaction. I psyched myself out and ended up taking Klonopin right before class because I was so nervous about it. The interaction was weird, and I feel that I might've come off as strange/apathetic. The next class period, he sat in a different spot, so I basically took that as a sign that he thought I was a huge weirdo.

A few weeks ago, I noticed that he was no longer attending class. I assumed that he had dropped the class, and was sort of bummed out about it.

Last week, I found out that he dropping school because of his depression, and that he killed himself shortly after returning to his hometown.

I keep kicking myself for being so damn anxious. I wanted so badly to ask him to hangout. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to be friends with him. I don't know, I obviously know that his suicide wasn't my fault, but what if I could have prevented it?
 

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Wow, sorry about that. What a shock. Obviously nothing you could do about it. You really don't know what is going on in someone's head.
 

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A few weeks ago, I noticed that he was no longer attending class. I assumed that he had dropped the class, and was sort of bummed out about it.

Last week, I found out that he dropping school because of his depression, and that he killed himself shortly after returning to his hometown.
Yikes.

As the above poster said, you can't know what's going on in someone's head. All you can know is what they tell you.

It's normal to feel guilt after a suicide, but really, if he wanted help, then he needed to reach out and ask for it. You can't do much for a person who won't reach out.

As for moving on -- I'd suggest trying to connect with someone else, or a few people, while keeping in mind what happened with this guy. Remind yourself that "This person could be suffering on the inside, and I could be making their day (or their week, or their month) by just talking to them and being friendly with them." Give them the benefit of the doubt.
 
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