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Control-Alt-Delete Me
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know this post has most likely been up before but what the hell... Does anyone have the same problem where they never know what to say to people? And how do you cope with it? I just can't seem to make conversation with anyone or I never know what to say in response to someone. Sometimes I don't even know what to say to my own parents.

This is a major reason I don't go out because I know people must get frustrated and annoyed with me as I do. In the past a couple of ex-boyfriends have pointed out how quiet I can be; one said i had an 'inability to make conversation' while the other said he sometimes struggled to know what to say to me. These comments really hurt since nothing I do seems to make me talk more, plus I worry about my current relationship, we don't see each other alot so I worry that if he did see me more then he would just get bored with me and leave.
 

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I can relate to you, i am exactly the same. Even with my parents, sister, gran i have no clue what to say at times. Also i have a hard time maintaining a convo, i kill most convo's because i often don't know how to maintain them. The worst thing was going to see elderly relatives in hospital with my parents and gran and not having a clue what to say, i mean the last thing someone ill in hospital wants is someone who makes them feel uncomfortable like i do.

A girl in college once told me ''you have no clue what to say to people, you're not very good at talking to people are you!''.....''You're no fun to be with!''

I tend to compensate my lack of conversational skills by smiling too much at times, i think that by smiling i don't give the wrong impression that i am stuck up.

I used to have a problem of not listening properly to what someone was saying to me because i'd be racking my brains out to think what i was going to say next, but i know now that being a good listener is more important.
 

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Control-Alt-Delete Me
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It's not fair that people judge us when it's not our fault, the people that matter are people that accept us for who we are no matter what

It's better to be a good listener than to talk alot and never hear what people have to say
 

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crazy
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It's all about reducing anxiety levels, cause that's what interferes with the ability to have a conversation. Normally, things to say just come up spontaneously - it's what the brain does, it loves to free associate. But anxiety stops it in its tracks. The result is nothing to say, and the conversation dies...

It's not about not having nothing in common with people either, cause 'normal' people can talk about nothing for quite a long time...

So it is possible to talk to people, once you learn how to relax in social situations. Which can take a bit of work.
 

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Huh... Year ago I could still keep up good conversation, just hang out with friends. I think it was all about because I didn't pay much attention to the thing... But now I feel I have lost all my social skills... I just don't know how to be in social situations anymore. Even going to have cups of coffee with my own brother is torture :( I relate completely to you: just don't know what to say, do we have to talk continuously etc...
 

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I have the same problem. Even with my mum and the one or two close friends i have i sometimes struggle to make conversation because i just don't know what to talk about. It's 10x worse with people i don't know very well. I'm not close to anyone at work and i've practically given up trying to make conversation with most of them now.
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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I feel as though I've lost much of my social skills & conversation is the main one. I do struggle to chat with family members as well as others. Part of it is because I am not doing anything in life right now, no school, job, or gal which is the basis of most conversation. Without at least one of those you've got the weather & pop-culture which I don't follow much. In terms of drawing blanks this happens to me even when I'm not feeling anxious & keeping up the conversation flow when I do have something to say often doesn't come off as well. It's a battle
 

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Among the ashes
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I feel as though I've lost much of my social skills & conversation is the main one. I do struggle to chat with family members as well as others. Part of it is because I am not doing anything in life right now, no school, job, or gal which is the basis of most conversation. Without at least one of those you've got the weather & pop-culture which I don't follow much. In terms of drawing blanks this happens to me even when I'm not feeling anxious & keeping up the conversation flow when I do have something to say often doesn't come off as well. It's a battle
Yeah, this happens to me as well. I'm in school now and more than halfway through the course I still can't keep a conversation going for very long, even without being so anxious. Maybe it's because I did isolate myself the months before starting this class, so I think I've also just lost a lot of those skills, not that they were that great before...
 

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Control-Alt-Delete Me
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Perhaps everyone thinks the same about me but they don't say it to my face?
I don't think that's true, as SA sufferers we tend to distort reality and imagine that everyone thinks the same but there are people out there that are not so judgmental
 

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I'm definately no expert in the conversation department, but I've learned a few tricks over the years which eases the anxiety. Having something like an elastic band to play with acts as sort of a stress reliever, and it's not seen as weird by other people. I also position myself a little off to the side and don't sit/stand directly across from anyone. Sitting at a table (for example) is very uncomfortable for me, and I try and avoid this at all costs, although sometimes this can be difficult.

I personally feel more comfortable around quieter people. Some people, especially extroverts, just blab on for the sake of blabbing. That's how they recharge their batteries, whereas an introvert recharges by being alone, or just thinking.
 

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I know this post has most likely been up before but what the hell... Does anyone have the same problem where they never know what to say to people? And how do you cope with it? I just can't seem to make conversation with anyone or I never know what to say in response to someone. Sometimes I don't even know what to say to my own parents.

This is a major reason I don't go out because I know people must get frustrated and annoyed with me as I do. In the past a couple of ex-boyfriends have pointed out how quiet I can be; one said i had an 'inability to make conversation' while the other said he sometimes struggled to know what to say to me. These comments really hurt since nothing I do seems to make me talk more, plus I worry about my current relationship, we don't see each other alot so I worry that if he did see me more then he would just get bored with me and leave.
Inability to make conversation? You should move to America where most women are like that. (ducks)
 

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I have exactly the same problem; I can never think of anything to say. I can gather up the courage to approach somebody, but then my mind just goes blank, even if I've spent hours beforehand rehearsing ways to start a conversation. And, in the rare event somebody actually walks up to me and tries to start a conversation, I can only manage stammers and monosyllabic answers.

I am a conversation killer.
 

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I know this post has most likely been up before but what the hell... Does anyone have the same problem where they never know what to say to people? And how do you cope with it? I just can't seem to make conversation with anyone or I never know what to say in response to someone. Sometimes I don't even know what to say to my own parents.

This is a major reason I don't go out because I know people must get frustrated and annoyed with me as I do. In the past a couple of ex-boyfriends have pointed out how quiet I can be; one said i had an 'inability to make conversation' while the other said he sometimes struggled to know what to say to me. These comments really hurt since nothing I do seems to make me talk more, plus I worry about my current relationship, we don't see each other alot so I worry that if he did see me more then he would just get bored with me and leave.
Hi Linny, nice to see another Brit here :) I struggle with these problems too. I'm sorry you got those harsh comments - sounds like your exes weren't exactly understanding or particularly socially ept themselves. It does really hurt when people point out things you fear about yourself already. I'm very quiet and struggle to make conversation with my parents and family too. It's worst at work, where I only speak when I'm spoken to, simply because I can't think of anything to say, or I ask questions relating to the job which are practical rather than personal. It's extremely frustrating, the 'mind-going-blank' thing, I feel like I don't have a personality anymore. I think one of the above posters was right in saying anxiety prevents the mind from flowing freely and so conversation becomes extremely difficult. I'm not sure what could help with this, other than anti-anxiety meds. Have you tried anything?
 

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it takes practice. try not being a talker and try being a good listener- which also means being a skilled inquierer. ask questions, learn how to read beneath what people are saying and ask questions about that too. take an interest not in what you are going through in the present moment, but on what they are saying. If you dont ask questions, they will think you dont care enough to know any answers. being a skilled conversationalist is all about figuring out what people want to tell you ahead of time. everyone wants to reveal something personal about themselves, its cathartic, and they need a bit of prompting to get them there. So many people are relieved by this forum, simply because they can openly admit they have SA, so be like that for someone else. let them see you as a venue to be open and honest and escape the norms of life and conversation by opening up. but before they will, you have to know how to ask the right questions. Dont worry about being witty, or funny, that will come on its own, just be interested.
 
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