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Hi all, new member here. I've dealt with depression for a year (2012-2013) before overcoming it on my own and it triggers from extreme stress.

My family environment isn't great. A bit about myself: I'm an undergraduate just finished second year and going on to third, I did well considering my A Levels were bad and scored 68% - I was very pleased as I worked hard although I'd love a first. A friend of mine who recently graduated scored a 1st for her entire degree (a 'friend' that decided to not reply back to me a year ago when I asked how she was - havent spoken to her since).

So anyway, my grandmother found out and let everyone know...and she said it to make me feel terrible. When I was upstairs, my mum ran to my dad and said 'X got a 1st and got a job' putting me down a lot. When I got my grade, they were ok and said congratulations. But my Dad was extremely pleased and happy for me. Now they are miserable because I'm not matching to their expectations, I still have one year of my degree left.

It's these constant comparisons that I can't live with, I feel I can't breathe sometimes in my own house. When I'm at University, I never come home for a weekend because I don't miss it, I love being on my own where I overcame depression, lost a lot of weight, got better at studying, starting learning to make music. I had pure peace of mind.

I love my family and believe they have good intentions but are impossible to get through...they're making me and my brother both very miserable and we always end up arguing. I'm so fed up of it all and leaving home isnt an option (luckily, I'll be going in September). Any advice is welcome.
 

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Have you spoken with them on this matter? If you did and they are still doing it just keep yourself busy over the summer and limit the time you spend communicating with them.

Comparing yourself with others is pretty common problem for SA people. We are actually in pretty similar situations, I described my problem here. My parents also used to do that when I was in highschool, they don't anymore, but it is so deeply rooted in me that I do it to myself now, most of the time subconsciously.

Since when you're not with them you have peace of mind then that's good, you don't do it to yourself. Therefore it is even more important to either confront them about that or restrict your communication with them before it starts affecting you on a deeper level. But the first option is a lot better. Good luck! :)
 

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oh man I know what you mean. My family is exactly like that. The only advice I can give you is to try your best not to take it to heart and know for a fact that you are a valid human being with your own strengths and talents.

I live by myself and don't see my family often, so I feel like not going home for the weekends is rather normal haha.
 
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