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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
THIS IS RESOLVED: I asked her what I needed to, turns out she doesn't like me at all anymore, that I imagined the whole thing, that I was very naive, and its all my fault for imagining she liked me, though she did "in the very beginning" is all she said...I dont' know what I was thinking, I really deceived myself! but at least I know the truth now! :(


UPDATED: be careful when you use a sn on a forum. I wasn't even looking for it, and I stumbled across this girls yahoo answers account, and saw all the relationship questions she's been asking...I don't understand her at all...she says on and on on yahoo how I'm really gross, that I'm a nerd, that I drool when I eat, that I have earwax and stuff

I saw her today...if anything, we really are good friends..she tells me she wants to teach me how to get a girl, and she gives me real good tips, but she also "teaches" me how to make-out and stuff and she sure seems to enjoy that quite a bit, even though she says I'm gross on an online forum,she has no prob at all touching me wtf is up with that??

she's having a hard time getting over an ex from 2 years ago...she says she can't fall in love...but today i'm hanging out with her she told me if she could fall in love, she would choose me and fall in love with me, cause she likes me best of the guys she's seeing(though she calls them her boyfriend and not me! huh?) ...but online she says she doesn't like me, and I'm gross(though that was two weeks ago). I love this girl, but I'm so new to relationships, and its weird and very frustrating dealing with a girl who lies to me, seems to like casual sex, isn't ready for commitment, but is very kind to me offering me this advice, and showing some signs of serious interest in me, even if she doesn't admit it!... :( she's young and immature! thats why I look past these difficulties, because I see her really searching for meaning in life, and when we're together we really talk about life, and we get lots of insight from each other its amazing..I see so much in her, I see what she wants to be, but at the same time I should't be treated like this..she shouldn't lie to me about what she really feels..and about being single..she has a lot going on, and if anything I have to keep being her friend, but its hard!














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I don't know how to feel..

I've known this girl for 3 months...We have hung out probably once every three days or so...we were telling each other we like each other as more than friends...I thought I was dating her; later she told me we never dated...

I don't believe I was so naive..

for the last 3 months this was the only girl on my mind, I thought about her everyday, before this I'd never been on a second date..I felt very in love and still do, and I know me and her both really enjoyed the time we spent together...

I asked her to me my girlfriend a couple weeks ago, and she gave me some ok reasons why we should be only friends; I was really heartbroken, and am still crying about it, but don't worry I'm moving on and its all good...cause in a way she was my first girlfriend, even though she never saw me as a boyfriend...thats how I feel...cause I've never had a friend like her or kissed a girl before her or anything....

I'm just surprsied how naive I was

to think me and her had something special...I found out she had a couple real boyfriends who she considered actual boyfriends while I was seeing her these last three months, I found out she had sex with like 3 different guys I think during this time I knew her..I didn't want to have sex with her, cause I'm pretty conservative, and in my heart I really want to wait till marraige, so I was hesitant, she might have been wanted to be intimate with me, but I slowed her down, we did kiss a couple times, and while those kisses had extreme meaning to me, I just realize they must have meant little or nothing to her, I think she just was curious about me, and maybe wanted sex...cause I was so in love, I wanted to respect her and do what was right and best for our future together..

she clearly had minimal romantic interest in me cause she had other boyfriends...I'm just so surprsied how it felt so so real to me, like we were really in love with each other, when it was all an illusion; I've been doing her math homework for her, I think maybe she's just using me for that... :( I've never been so close to a girl, cause of sa, this is the best i've had, and it really hurts cause I see so much good in her, and really loved her..

this isn't really a unique experience I don't think, but I just wanted to share it..
 

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Yeah that's a bad situation when two people aren't on the same page like that. Don't worry there will be others. She doesn't sound all the great anyway with the fact she had other boyfriends.
 

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sounds like you misinterpreted some things, or maybe she was sending mixed signals, or both. i know because ive done the same exact thing, it can be devastating when the truth comes crashing down on you. just remember, you will come out the other side stronger, once the initial shock wears off things will get easier
 

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If she had more than one boyfriend, she is probably insecure and just wanted you as one more for bragging rights, or to boost her own ego. Be glad she showed her true colours and you can get rid of her promptly.

You're probably infatuated more than anything. And see the good in her? What did she just do to you, dude?
 

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definitely do not blame yourself, it seems like she's the one with the problem, perhaps afraid of real commitment and emotional intimacy. she said she had other bf's but obviously she didn't really like any of them too much since she was seeing them all at once. at least now you see you can get girls so next time pick someone more compatible with you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
definitely do not blame yourself, it seems like she's the one with the problem, perhaps afraid of real commitment and emotional intimacy. she said she had other bf's but obviously she didn't really like any of them too much since she was seeing them all at once. at least now you see you can get girls so next time pick someone more compatible with you.
your are right..
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
UPDATED: be careful when you use a sn on a forum. I wasn't even looking for it, and I stumbled across this girls yahoo answers account, and saw all the relationship questions she's been asking...I don't understand her at all...she says on and on on yahoo how I'm really gross, that I'm a nerd, that I drool when I eat, that I have earwax and stuff

I saw her today...if anything, we really are good friends..she tells me she wants to teach me how to get a girl, and she gives me real good tips, but she also "teaches" me how to make-out and stuff and she sure seems to enjoy that quite a bit, even though she says I'm gross on an online forum,she has no prob at all touching me wtf is up with that??

she's having a hard time getting over an ex from 2 years ago...she says she can't fall in love...but today i'm hanging out with her she told me if she could fall in love, she would choose me and fall in love with me, cause she likes me best of the guys she's seeing(though she calls them her boyfriend and not me! huh?) ...but online she says she doesn't like me, and I'm gross(though that was two weeks ago). I love this girl, but I'm so new to relationships, and its weird and very frustrating dealing with a girl who lies to me, seems to like casual sex, isn't ready for commitment, but is very kind to me offering me this advice, and showing some signs of serious interest in me, even if she doesn't admit it!... she's young and immature! thats why I look past these difficulties, because I see her really searching for meaning in life, and when we're together we really talk about life, and we get lots of insight from each other its amazing..I see so much in her, I see what she wants to be, but at the same time I should't be treated like this..she shouldn't lie to me about what she really feels..and about being single..she has a lot going on, and if anything I have to keep being her friend, but its hard!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
omg that sounds really unhealthy, seriously you dont need that sort of relationship. the longer it goes on the worse its gonna be when it ends :(
I agree with you; Its hard cause I have a hard time making friends; a friend in the sense of someone who enjoys spending time with you for you, and you see often..she's the second person in my life like that, and If I were not in love with her, every moment I spend with her would be great, cause we have a lot of fun together.

your right its unhealthy...Our friendship keeps getting deeper though, and the lies are starting to come out as we get to know each other even better, maybe she'll stop playing games, and I can't help but wonder where its going...it will come to some sort of conclusion eventually, just not quite yet...
 

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I want to say mean and crude things about this woman. But I won't otherwise my words will come back to haunt me. From what you've said about her she sounds like a mean one. I mean she's saying you're gross on an online forum and yet seems willing enough to suck face with you, whats up with that? I guess I haven't seen her posts or anything so I don't know if her saying that you're gross means that she'd just like you to wash your ears better and she's not sure how to tell your or if it means that she sees you as some pathetic loser that she's just toying with for her own amusement. Could be her friends dont think you're cool but she likes you and shes just trying to appear cool by tearing you down. If you chose to associate with this chick I'd take everything she says and the time she spends with you with a grain of salt because she may not even consider you a friend. Guys and girls can be players and sometimes seek attention from people they find unattractive because it boosts their ego knowing for some weird reason. They find it amusing to toy with others emotions and lead them on because it gives them a sense of power and ego validation. I don't know this chick personally so I can't say that I'm hitting the nail on the head and a lot of my opinion comes from bitterness and personal experience. So like take my opinion with a grain of salt too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I want to say mean and crude things about this woman. But I won't otherwise my words will come back to haunt me. From what you've said about her she sounds like a mean one. I mean she's saying you're gross on an online forum and yet seems willing enough to suck face with you, whats up with that? I guess I haven't seen her posts or anything so I don't know if her saying that you're gross means that she'd just like you to wash your ears better and she's not sure how to tell your or if it means that she sees you as some pathetic loser that she's just toying with for her own amusement. Could be her friends dont think you're cool but she likes you and shes just trying to appear cool by tearing you down. If you chose to associate with this chick I'd take everything she says and the time she spends with you with a grain of salt because she may not even consider you a friend. Guys and girls can be players and sometimes seek attention from people they find unattractive because it boosts their ego knowing for some weird reason. They find it amusing to toy with others emotions and lead them on because it gives them a sense of power and ego validation. I don't know this chick personally so I can't say that I'm hitting the nail on the head and a lot of my opinion comes from bitterness and personal experience. So like take my opinion with a grain of salt too.
she's so confusing to me, I can't read her at all.. for all I know you might be exactly right, or maybe not..how can I find out what she really thinks of me??????
 

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Do you have any good friends that you trust? Or if you're in school you could try talking to the school counselor about the situation and see what they think. I would probaby go to the college or school counselor. Or a poster here named DaveM accepts PMs and I gather enjoys giving dating advice. He may have some good advice for you.
Or you could print off what she said about you and confront her. Chances are she will feel bad about what she did. Maybe you could just confront her, tell her that you're pissed off by what she did, and put limits on your relationship. Like be friends on a trial basis, but don't make out with her. You deserve someone who treats you better. If she doesn't shape up boot her to the curb.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Do you have any good friends that you trust? .....Like be friends on a trial basis, but don't make out with her. You deserve someone who treats you better. If she doesn't shape up boot her to the curb.
thanks for you advice, I'm just so confused right now and still trying to absorb all thats happened here..everything will be ok though :) I'm just so new at the complexities in relationship experience..
 

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It's a trend I've noticed on SAS: we settle for the mediocre/hurtful people in our lives, because we're afraid of being alone and anxiety prevents us from seeking out wonderful/beneficial people.
Is she really a good friend??? A friend is NOT just "someonewho enjoys spending time with you for you, and you see often." Real friends are supportive, caring, nonjudgmental, loyal. Real friends respect you. They don't tear you down behind your back. If she were a real friend, she would have been honest and told you about those other guys, and not play with your feelings.
Even if tomorrow she said "Please Mjatte, I would like to be your girlfriend," would she really deserve you???
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
It's a trend I've noticed on SAS: we settle for the mediocre/hurtful people in our lives, because we're afraid of being alone and anxiety prevents us from seeking out wonderful/beneficial people.
Is she really a good friend??? A friend is NOT just "someonewho enjoys spending time with you for you, and you see often." Real friends are supportive, caring, nonjudgmental, loyal. Real friends respect you. They don't tear you down behind your back. If she were a real friend, she would have been honest and told you about those other guys, and not play with your feelings.
Even if tomorrow she said "Please Mjatte, I would like to be your girlfriend," would she really deserve you???
I've tried all my life to find those good friends..and despite all the pain of this situation and others, I am way happier in these last few weeks then ever before to actually have had real contact with another person...to me nothing is worse than lonliness of having no one, so I'll take a bad friend anyday...
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
THIS IS RESOLVED: I asked her what I needed to, turns out she doesn't like me at all anymore, that I imagined the whole thing, that I was very naive, and its all my fault for imagining she liked me, though she did "in the very beginning" is all she said...I dont' know what I was thinking, I really deceived myself! but at least I know the truth now!

yes I'm walking away, its all clear now its over, finally..............
 

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THIS IS RESOLVED: I asked her what I needed to, turns out she doesn't like me at all anymore, that I imagined the whole thing, that I was very naive, and its all my fault for imagining she liked me, though she did "in the very beginning" is all she said...I dont' know what I was thinking, I really deceived myself! but at least I know the truth now!

yes I'm walking away, its all clear now its over, finally..............
You didn't do anything wrong. She's an ***. She can proceed with her kite flying now.
 
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